Words rip my skin!

On top of being anxious and depressed, everything that people say to me whether if it is joke or insult i instantly feel wounded and vulnerable. It gets worse when i hear many people laughing at the time when someone said something on my account. The moment i hear laughter and joke/insult all confidence i have is gone and i feel like all people around me will think less of me because i feel so sick for a moment that i cannot even talk back or say anything to counter what they said and if i try my voice and whole body is trembling in fear and i sound like a p*ssy. So by the time people figure they can say anything to me and get away with it they just continue poking me. Back in the high school days they poked me so much that i got cornered and had to fight my way out many times. I figured that confidence might be an issue so i trained 20 months of gym, got some solid gains and i was pretty big compared to my peers but STILL i felt small and i just couldn't take a joke or anything said against me without feeling wounded. I am 20 years old on Zyprexa and Carbamazepine(Karbapin), i would really like to hear what you think about this problem of mine since it basically feels like something beyond my reach of solving!

Please look at the quote in my signature.

To be honest, I think the problem is here:

randomdude said:

i would really like to hear what you think about this problem of mine since it basically feels like something beyond my reach of solving!

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It's not beyond your reach at all. You can do it and you just don't know it.

You just need to stop worrying and caring about what other people are saying or thinking. What does it matter what they think? You are always going to be yourself and there is nothing you can do about that - you will always be you. If they don't like you that's the own loss.

But it's obvious that many of these people are also not doing it to be mean, as you seem to already know. According to your post they don't even seem to be laughing at you, you just seem to think they might be? Just let it all go.

If you're having trouble letting go try meditating occasionally. Just sit and relax and reflect on yourself and your situation in quiet. Try to see things clearly rather than negatively. Don't allow the negativity to destroy that image in your mind and focus on it. Do this until you feel completely calm and feel you have completely escaped this pain.
When faced again with people just reflect on your meditation. You'll be able to call that calmness back to yourself and you'll be able to face the situations without so much anxiety. Eventually it should all go away if you continue to work on it.

You'll come to understand yourself better, because you will get to know yourself.
Once knowing your true self you will no longer have this issue anymore. You probably won't need the medications anymore either.

It is all within your reach. Just take it.

It's hard to ignore people when we are taught to listen to them from childhood. It will take great time and whole new approach on life but most importantly it's about you and you only. Know yourself. Feel your own identity. Feel it surging through your veins and pulse. You know that inner connection thing. What you are doing it to impress yourself on others. Don't do that. Just be yourself.

Like DM said. Feel yourself. Understand yourself. Give yourself time for you not for others. Once you know it you will understand what is important and what is not.

Always remember nothing is impossible in this world, except one. Give it a try If you could.