G
Guest
Guest
Hello,
This regrettably is the invisible man again.
I left here hurt a while back and wrote some shitty things and I apologize. I just want to write here one last time. I found this again out of curiosity; I wondered what it was like and was (pleasantly) surprised at all the activity.
On with it,
I won't bore you by repeating my story but if you want to read it (its long) it called lonely college life by the invisable man, its the most viewed and replied to, that feels kind of cool in a sad way. But I’ll ramble about something different.
I just read Flowers for Algernon. Well not done yet but came across an idea that has been bothering me. And perhaps I’m strengthening it right now but posting this here. It you haven't read it, it's about a retarded man has an operation that makes him a genius, now I haven't finished it yet but I believe it goes away and he becomes retarded again but the end is irrelevant for what I want to point out. When Charlie, the now genius but previous mental retard confesses his indecision on what to do in a situation of great stress to him to a women he has a crush on she says something like
Oh Charlie you may be a genius but you're still such an adolescent underneath, you’re not going to find the answers you're looking for in books or by bringing them to other people, you've got to learn to trust yourself, know what's right"
You may nothing of it but that statement hurt me hard. In a lot of the book I feel like he’s writing about me in certain ways, not everything of course but a lot of the problems with women, business, relationships I have he nails dead on, its uncanny. Now I ask myself am I an adolescent underneath? And I think well sure, my life sux but it's not that bad, I could be happy, I know, I have no friends not by choice, or by choice involuntary choice, or hey lets just put that all on me but, no women in life, no direction, or aspirations just a lack of motivation, a malaise, and depression. But the adolescent part could be that I know how to get out of it, but I’m scared so I don't do it. I mean know as I in I subconsciousnessly really do know what I would d probably have to start doing, but perhaps the fear of starting holds me behind that line all the time. Could be forever?
Or
No, I’m very "adult". I know plenty of guys my age I would say I are pretty dumb and very adolescent, yet with more friends they can handle, girlfriends, and a lovely carrot to have before your eyes to "motivate" them (jobs, goals, money, popularity, whatever). And they seem, seem, I don't know, happy. Flower for Algernon seems to pushing a little for the ignorance is bliss ideal. That Charlie was happier before he became more intelligent. Yet that was a broad category because some men are very adolescent and immature with women but very mature in other situations, some men are the other way around. Is there really an adolescent thing that can linger, or is it more like a mental virgin cherry that is very clear when it is not been broken yet and it is clearly known in interaction.
I don't know either way. Here let me pose a weird question, "does bringing your problems to other people make you adolescent?" I ask you. Multiple layers to that question. There is probably a mathematical name for questions like that, that backfire based on what the question is and conditional on the person asking it. But really you do need to talk honeysuckle out is that more like some manly man statement? Idk.
And then I wonder do I really trust myself. Well if I ask that question with any doubt in my mind there is no trust. Do you, you who is reading this right now, do you trust yourself, right now, all the time or sometimes? Every decision you make is correct? What does trusting yourself even mean? Trust is only possible when there are two parties involved, or is that the gag of that statement, that we are two beings inside of our minds? I want to answer with a resounding "of course", who doesn't right? But that means eliminating all doubt and worry from your mind. Is that possible in our society these days?
A problem that is like a golden thorn sticking into my forehead,
Ishmael by Daniel Quinn, this book disturbed and enlightened me so much, read it it’s amazing. Steal it copy it whatever. But not only him but authors that right about similar things. I feel the way we live is wholly unnatural and runs contrary to our well-being and peace of mind yet we perpetuate it everyday. But we cannot stop. Anyone ever made soap bubbles in the yard. We, our culture that locks up food than works to get it back, has built a massive artificial that takes enormous effort to maintain, it pops most of the world will die. The bubble being our way our food production and the ways of distributing it to the people as well as ways of working for it. We cannot stop our appetite for consuming every resources or poisoning them on the earth because he have more people on this earth the it can naturally sustain. So we must create the cycle everyday but for what? The population is growing out of control we are fighting battles and soon to be world wars over dwindling resources due to our ever increasing never ceasing thirst for them. Can we go back to being hunter gather yes and no? No because we have paved over all the land with suburbs and cities only made possible by totalitarian agricultural that requires much land but produces great surplus, which allows these developments. If you are in a suburb or a city, you might be all right if you're rural, but for the first two the land could produce enough without agriculture. Here's a fanciful idea what if suburban communities started a commune, the government was overthrown or whatever, the neighborhood resolves to grow food and farm like pastoralists. There is no economy or money. There are multiple communities with different customs and cultures. They are tribes, the homes could stay or be torn down or whatever. Don’t know about the cities, they exist by sheer force of will, extraordinary will. Its hard for me to look at this objectively which true objectivity is probably impossible for living things, but I know cities have wonderful things in them blah blah , but there are all cultural things that ultimately don't matter. My point being that we are forced to live in a system where like Algernon, one must pass a test to eat. Our culture is designed to force coerce intimidate, manipulate you into destroying your self. Freedom is an illusion. The Indians were confronted with our founders of our culture. Because we had superior technology due to our surpluses of food, which allowed us the time and luxury and need for weapons as such they were able to trample them. America was heavily populated with Indian tribes, multiple nations all living differently, the explorers took a look at this land and equated it with money, inherently worthless silver or paper, but this is what our society produces. Sick desires because your life is at stake constantly, there is no peace. One could not resolve to say simply "fine, I will sit here in the forest, eat what I find, and live as I please, do not tell me what to do" to just eat in our culture, without support of friends or family one must jump through some business hoop to get some money which is quickly translated in to food which could be equated to a few more hours to live in which to try to get more money and thus repeating the cycle. So money=life. We are prisoners running our own prison. I ask you the reader, in a sincere tone, is there places that do not still lock up food to live besides the few tribes left, but even those are being infiltrated because there land is being taken from them thus forcing them to enter into the money/locked up food cycle. I have read extensive books on tribal life from all over the world, they are all so different, some seem kind of cool, and some seem nuts and all the in-betweens. But one of them wrote without the cliché noble savage idea but of the beauty of the lifestyle. The author was a white anthropologist who had grown up with the tribe but also lived in New York. The beauty he speaks of in the daily life. This tribe was near Thailand I believe. The slowness the carefree ness, it was a dreamlike world he decried it as. I could go on about how much more beautiful and natural there lives sounded but I world not want to up and join them. That is there way of life and their culture. My desires would be superficial and ill founded. But it bothers me all the time that there is so many different ways to live your life yet I am forced and grew up into this one. "So move, love it or leave it *******" where should I go? Look at your history that is the underlying motive for almost every action since the Mesopotamia dawn of western civilization. Locking up the food was the key that made possible the horrors and wonders of our current world. What are we in Iraq for, young boys are volunteering and in some cases made to die for resources. Because we are a nation blowing a big bubble built on totalitarian agricultural stilts we constantly need to consume more and more resources yet the more resources we get the more our population will expand thus creating the need that much more in the immediate future. I don't know something just seems wrong with the way were living, the anger and anxiety and fear stress that people chronically suffer, not mention all the physical discomforts and dangers the overcrowding, carcinogenic food, and foul air. That is why I say it is like a thorn but golden. I love it and hate knowing this at the same time. And like Charlie and Algernon was ignorance bliss?
I’m getting hungry and tired, I hate getting up early, well still lonely, slightly hopeful, but y'know not much. Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed something in it.
This regrettably is the invisible man again.
I left here hurt a while back and wrote some shitty things and I apologize. I just want to write here one last time. I found this again out of curiosity; I wondered what it was like and was (pleasantly) surprised at all the activity.
On with it,
I won't bore you by repeating my story but if you want to read it (its long) it called lonely college life by the invisable man, its the most viewed and replied to, that feels kind of cool in a sad way. But I’ll ramble about something different.
I just read Flowers for Algernon. Well not done yet but came across an idea that has been bothering me. And perhaps I’m strengthening it right now but posting this here. It you haven't read it, it's about a retarded man has an operation that makes him a genius, now I haven't finished it yet but I believe it goes away and he becomes retarded again but the end is irrelevant for what I want to point out. When Charlie, the now genius but previous mental retard confesses his indecision on what to do in a situation of great stress to him to a women he has a crush on she says something like
Oh Charlie you may be a genius but you're still such an adolescent underneath, you’re not going to find the answers you're looking for in books or by bringing them to other people, you've got to learn to trust yourself, know what's right"
You may nothing of it but that statement hurt me hard. In a lot of the book I feel like he’s writing about me in certain ways, not everything of course but a lot of the problems with women, business, relationships I have he nails dead on, its uncanny. Now I ask myself am I an adolescent underneath? And I think well sure, my life sux but it's not that bad, I could be happy, I know, I have no friends not by choice, or by choice involuntary choice, or hey lets just put that all on me but, no women in life, no direction, or aspirations just a lack of motivation, a malaise, and depression. But the adolescent part could be that I know how to get out of it, but I’m scared so I don't do it. I mean know as I in I subconsciousnessly really do know what I would d probably have to start doing, but perhaps the fear of starting holds me behind that line all the time. Could be forever?
Or
No, I’m very "adult". I know plenty of guys my age I would say I are pretty dumb and very adolescent, yet with more friends they can handle, girlfriends, and a lovely carrot to have before your eyes to "motivate" them (jobs, goals, money, popularity, whatever). And they seem, seem, I don't know, happy. Flower for Algernon seems to pushing a little for the ignorance is bliss ideal. That Charlie was happier before he became more intelligent. Yet that was a broad category because some men are very adolescent and immature with women but very mature in other situations, some men are the other way around. Is there really an adolescent thing that can linger, or is it more like a mental virgin cherry that is very clear when it is not been broken yet and it is clearly known in interaction.
I don't know either way. Here let me pose a weird question, "does bringing your problems to other people make you adolescent?" I ask you. Multiple layers to that question. There is probably a mathematical name for questions like that, that backfire based on what the question is and conditional on the person asking it. But really you do need to talk honeysuckle out is that more like some manly man statement? Idk.
And then I wonder do I really trust myself. Well if I ask that question with any doubt in my mind there is no trust. Do you, you who is reading this right now, do you trust yourself, right now, all the time or sometimes? Every decision you make is correct? What does trusting yourself even mean? Trust is only possible when there are two parties involved, or is that the gag of that statement, that we are two beings inside of our minds? I want to answer with a resounding "of course", who doesn't right? But that means eliminating all doubt and worry from your mind. Is that possible in our society these days?
A problem that is like a golden thorn sticking into my forehead,
Ishmael by Daniel Quinn, this book disturbed and enlightened me so much, read it it’s amazing. Steal it copy it whatever. But not only him but authors that right about similar things. I feel the way we live is wholly unnatural and runs contrary to our well-being and peace of mind yet we perpetuate it everyday. But we cannot stop. Anyone ever made soap bubbles in the yard. We, our culture that locks up food than works to get it back, has built a massive artificial that takes enormous effort to maintain, it pops most of the world will die. The bubble being our way our food production and the ways of distributing it to the people as well as ways of working for it. We cannot stop our appetite for consuming every resources or poisoning them on the earth because he have more people on this earth the it can naturally sustain. So we must create the cycle everyday but for what? The population is growing out of control we are fighting battles and soon to be world wars over dwindling resources due to our ever increasing never ceasing thirst for them. Can we go back to being hunter gather yes and no? No because we have paved over all the land with suburbs and cities only made possible by totalitarian agricultural that requires much land but produces great surplus, which allows these developments. If you are in a suburb or a city, you might be all right if you're rural, but for the first two the land could produce enough without agriculture. Here's a fanciful idea what if suburban communities started a commune, the government was overthrown or whatever, the neighborhood resolves to grow food and farm like pastoralists. There is no economy or money. There are multiple communities with different customs and cultures. They are tribes, the homes could stay or be torn down or whatever. Don’t know about the cities, they exist by sheer force of will, extraordinary will. Its hard for me to look at this objectively which true objectivity is probably impossible for living things, but I know cities have wonderful things in them blah blah , but there are all cultural things that ultimately don't matter. My point being that we are forced to live in a system where like Algernon, one must pass a test to eat. Our culture is designed to force coerce intimidate, manipulate you into destroying your self. Freedom is an illusion. The Indians were confronted with our founders of our culture. Because we had superior technology due to our surpluses of food, which allowed us the time and luxury and need for weapons as such they were able to trample them. America was heavily populated with Indian tribes, multiple nations all living differently, the explorers took a look at this land and equated it with money, inherently worthless silver or paper, but this is what our society produces. Sick desires because your life is at stake constantly, there is no peace. One could not resolve to say simply "fine, I will sit here in the forest, eat what I find, and live as I please, do not tell me what to do" to just eat in our culture, without support of friends or family one must jump through some business hoop to get some money which is quickly translated in to food which could be equated to a few more hours to live in which to try to get more money and thus repeating the cycle. So money=life. We are prisoners running our own prison. I ask you the reader, in a sincere tone, is there places that do not still lock up food to live besides the few tribes left, but even those are being infiltrated because there land is being taken from them thus forcing them to enter into the money/locked up food cycle. I have read extensive books on tribal life from all over the world, they are all so different, some seem kind of cool, and some seem nuts and all the in-betweens. But one of them wrote without the cliché noble savage idea but of the beauty of the lifestyle. The author was a white anthropologist who had grown up with the tribe but also lived in New York. The beauty he speaks of in the daily life. This tribe was near Thailand I believe. The slowness the carefree ness, it was a dreamlike world he decried it as. I could go on about how much more beautiful and natural there lives sounded but I world not want to up and join them. That is there way of life and their culture. My desires would be superficial and ill founded. But it bothers me all the time that there is so many different ways to live your life yet I am forced and grew up into this one. "So move, love it or leave it *******" where should I go? Look at your history that is the underlying motive for almost every action since the Mesopotamia dawn of western civilization. Locking up the food was the key that made possible the horrors and wonders of our current world. What are we in Iraq for, young boys are volunteering and in some cases made to die for resources. Because we are a nation blowing a big bubble built on totalitarian agricultural stilts we constantly need to consume more and more resources yet the more resources we get the more our population will expand thus creating the need that much more in the immediate future. I don't know something just seems wrong with the way were living, the anger and anxiety and fear stress that people chronically suffer, not mention all the physical discomforts and dangers the overcrowding, carcinogenic food, and foul air. That is why I say it is like a thorn but golden. I love it and hate knowing this at the same time. And like Charlie and Algernon was ignorance bliss?
I’m getting hungry and tired, I hate getting up early, well still lonely, slightly hopeful, but y'know not much. Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed something in it.
