Sick of living with 'parents'

Particularly my step dad. He can be a complete _____ sometimes. Most of the time. He is is just bringing me down and almost holds me back from gaining self esteem, self confidence etc. Telling me to shower even though I do. Telling me to brush my teeth even thought I do. Telling me to clean my room even though I do. The real kicker? I'm 24 soon and it really gets me down. How can a man not live his own life without constant belittling? They own the house and this seems to give them the golden ticket to trample on me and make me feel worthless.

I feel ready to move out because all of my troubles seem to be of an underlying feeling of inadequacy brought on by this lack of independence. I'm not respected at all in this house. Even by my younger step brother who has a job. Basically if you don't have a job you are worthless. Doesn't matter if you are at uni finishing a degree.

I would have a lot more to say but it won't be coherent enough given the arguing I have just been doing. I need to calm down.

Basically I was asked to tidy my room today so I said I will do it today. Earlier I was coming into my room and my step dad is in my space moving stuff around tidying it all up. Invading my space. Then I get them saying if you do what we ask then we don't need to tell you. But if I can do it because you are doing it then how can I do it? This cycle continues daily. Sick of this house. I feel trapped.

As long as you are in their home, you aren't really living your own life. Your "space" is really just space they have decided to share with you.

Dear-_-Tragedy said:

Doesn't matter if you are at uni finishing a degree.

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I imagine it would be very hard for you to move out before your degree is complete. How much further do you have to go?

You can try to work a side job and possibly move out. It would he pretty hard to do while going to school though. I wouldn't advise getting loans to pay for student housing unless it's really that bad.

If you are close to finishing I'd just tough it out for a little bit. Then get a job and move out. There isn't really much you can do about your parents.

sorry but I am going to be a little harsh

@24 why the hell do you need to or be asked to tidy your room

we have a pile of students working part time where I work ....I swear they think their parents also work there and are going to clean up after them

start calculating the cost of living on your own ... Their rules are pretty cheap I bet

Get a job. Find a couple of roommates and move out.

Dear-_-Tragedy said:

Particularly my step dad. He can be a complete _____ sometimes. Most of the time. He is is just bringing me down and almost holds me back from gaining self esteem, self confidence etc. Telling me to shower even though I do. Telling me to brush my teeth even thought I do. Telling me to clean my room even though I do. The real kicker? I'm 24 soon and it really gets me down. How can a man not live his own life without constant belittling? They own the house and this seems to give them the golden ticket to trample on me and make me feel worthless.

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I'm 27 and my mother still tells me to do things or expects me to clean etc. I used to be really annoyed cos it feels like she still treats me like a kid but then I grew out of feeling that way and just decided that I will always be a kid to her, so I will just ignore her comments and do what I can. I try not to let it get to me unless she's nagging - then that would call for a bitching session with a friend or do something to get my mind off the annoyances.

Dear-_-Tragedy said:

I feel ready to move out because all of my troubles seem to be of an underlying feeling of inadequacy brought on by this lack of independence. I'm not respected at all in this house. Even by my younger step brother who has a job. Basically if you don't have a job you are worthless. Doesn't matter if you are at uni finishing a degree.

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I hear ya. I've been wanting to move out since I was 18 but I haven't got to that point yet. You'll get there, DT, it's not impossible if you're able to. But things don't come easy, so if you can't get a part time job while you're in uni, then prepare things so that you can get started right after you finish your studies so you can start somewhere. Even if it's not some place you enjoy, cos if moving out is a priority, I'd think you'll do what it takes to make it happen, even if it means getting a job you do not particularly want. (At least that's what I feel I would do.)

Dear-_-Tragedy said:

This cycle continues daily. Sick of this house. I feel trapped.

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All I can say to this is you have to have loads and loads of patience for these cycles to keep happening. Cos there really isn't much else you can do besides:

1) finding ways to tune them out when they start to agitate you (do something to occupy your time and mind off of the situation, take a walk outside)
2) taking a laugh at the situation, rather than allowing it to get to you (some people can do this pretty well)
3) vent about it to someone who can relate.

Personally, no. 1 seems to work best for me. Sometimes I do the others. I'm pretty sure there are other ways to cope with this, but patience is key in getting through this.

Good luck, DT. *hug*

I am so sympathetic to your plight, Dear-_-Tragedy. A big issue seems to be control, who has it and is the controller, who doesn't have it and gets controlled. Your step dad seems to enjoy controlling you and he's probably going to keep on expressing it in those trivial ways......you're 23 and being told to brush your teeth?

If I was in your position I'd keep my eyes on the prize: getting a place of my own and in the meantime, not making things worse by engaging in a dispute I couldn't win. Tolerate what you have to, don't think badly of yourself and figure it's all a price you're paying to get your own life.

And maybe consider this: time is on your side....a day will come when you're standing there looking at your step father and his time on earth is ending....interesting thought eh? You gonna be merciful? Or not?