I woould rather just be coworkers

Today a coworker complimented me. We were talking about a particular coworker who is not a very hard worker but everyone loves and this was why she gets away with things. (I know this is gossip, I'm sorry) Then she said that I love working with you but I'd rather have a bear with (the other coworkers name we were talking about). This just sums up my life. I'm a hard worker and my teammates, coworkers and teachers always liked me for being a good worker. So, I wonder if this is why some love going to work because it's their that they are respected, appreciated and liked. What she was telling me was that I'm boring and can't image being friends outside of work with you. This explains why I have had few friends in my life and the friends I've had perhaps were having pity on me.

I am always viewed as an excellent worker, and I hate working. Plus, I think the better worker you are, the more people at work take advantage of you and dump more work on you, and you start to see all of these inequities--for example, your coworker who doesn't work hard and gets away with everything, but still has a job and probably gets treated better. I've been through that so much, and at my current job I am so tired of it--both just having too much dumped on me and other people getting away with being horrible workers--that I am looking for something else and can't wait to leave. But it's always the same everywhere.

As for your coworker's comment, I am sure some people feel that way about me, but I don't care. I'm not boring. You're probably not, either. But I'm at work to work, not make friends, and that's how I approach it. I am to the point where I don't want to make friends unless someone really seems interesting, and the one thing I'll say about that is when you truly get to that point that's when all these people seem to want to get to know you and be friends. Like I said, I am sure I come off as boring to some people, but to other people I come off as mysterious, shy and/or not a troublemaker (i.e. Backstabbing, drama, gossipy) or just more real/honest than others, and all of those things seem to attract people--even more than actively making an effort to make friends (which I am not trying to do--I think friendship is generally bullschitt and always ends up being too onesided/draining for my taste).

For the people who think I am boring, though, I kind of see it as an advantage. That means I can think and do things they are not aware of (like try to get horrible coworkers fired) and they won't suspect it. Like I said, I'm not boring.

ihabl said:

Today a coworker complimented me. We were talking about a particular coworker who is not a very hard worker but everyone loves and this was why she gets away with things. (I know this is gossip, I'm sorry) Then she said that I love working with you but I'd rather have a bear with (the other coworkers name we were talking about). This just sums up my life. I'm a hard worker and my teammates, coworkers and teachers always liked me for being a good worker. So, I wonder if this is why some love going to work because it's their that they are respected, appreciated and liked. What she was telling me was that I'm boring and can't image being friends outside of work with you. This explains why I have had few friends in my life and the friends I've had perhaps were having pity on me.

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If it was truly expressed as you described, that's a pretty horrible thing to say to someone. I can't imagine saying something like that to anyone.

This is why coworkers are better left as coworkers. Many of the people that I work with are super involved with one another. Not me. I like my life compartmentalized.

Well today a coworker, out of the blue, said that out of all the coworkers I've known over the years, I respect you the most, you are a good man!

I hope this doesn't feeling like bragging.

Maybe I'm not the life of the party and some people find me boring but my character has had an impact.

I guess sometimes I just want to be that guy that everyone loves being around.

ihabl said:

Well today a coworker, out of the blue, said that out of all the coworkers I've known over the years, I respect you the most, you are a good man!

I hope this doesn't feeling like bragging.

Maybe I'm not the life of the party and some people find me boring but my character has had an impact.

I guess sometimes I just want to be that guy that everyone loves being around.

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First, I'm glad you got a compliment and it made you feel better about yourself.

I understand wanting to be the life of the party because I catch myself trying too hard to be an entertainer, a raconteur. For a shy person, I'm a pretty good storyteller, in part because I learned how to be one, and I've had some interesting experiences. However, while no one overtly criticizes me for doing it, I think I try too hard to entertain...which I know is out of fear that unless they're laughing with me, they're either laughing at me, or simply ignoring me.

So what I try to do is be interested in them, rather than try to make them interested in me. Sometimes I succeed better than others, but often it just takes a few questions...what did you do last weekend, or what are you going to do this weekend? how old are your kids, what grades are they in, what are their favorite subjects in school, what do they like to do? It's a truism that the best way to have people interested in you is to be interested in them.

Work is a better place when you like the people you work with, and when they like you. As for the beer thing, don't worry about it, or about being the life of the party. It's kind of overrated...and it may be that like me, they're trying too hard to be liked.

You sound like me!

It took me many years to realize coworkers are NOT your friends. There might be the odd one if you are lucky, but generally, they are NOT your friends.

You are a good worker and they like you. As long as your work goes well, and you remain polite and positive towards them; that's all you need.