A vicious lonely cycle (living trapped)

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prokofievs

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I need to let this out of me. Maybe it will help me to feel better in some way.

I am going to be 28 years old and I am feeling totally trapped in my life. I am living in a vicious cycle and I have no found a door to escape it. I spend everyday at home closed in my room using the computer. I do not have a job, I do not have a car and I do not have any friend to go out. It has been like this for years already. It is very horrible living that pattern and knowing that I am not enjoying this life. All I feel is frustration and anxiety almost daily.

It has been years without developing my career and the only option that I have is doing freelance work online. That does not really contribute to my future nor it brings me any good money or mental health. Finding a job locally is not easy to me. I do not have a car and public transportation is very limited and exhausting. To add to that, there are not many job options.

Having fun locally is totally limited as well. Without a car, I cannot get anywhere, and there are not many things of my interest that I can have easy access. I love walking but walking here is not enjoyable, so I do not do it. Going out in the night is totally dangerous due to the criminality (plus there is not night life here).

The friends from my school years are not friends anymore despite that I try to talk to them online. Almost all of them have left this place and only 2 are still living here. And I do not see them, they are not interested to talk to me. And they got in the habit of smoking marijuana. I am not interested in that. I have had online friends, but those come and go. I do not feel a deep connection.

Last month I got the chance to travel to another country for 2 weeks. I felt amazing and it was one of the best experiences, but as soon as I came back, I got back to the same cycle with zero money.

I wish I could change all this and I cannot find a way yet. One of my goals this year (which was a goal last year) is to try to take English lessons to improve my verbal communication (English is not my native language). However, I do not have the money to pay for intensive lessons and again transportation is a problem to me. And one of the main reason to take lessons is to get out and to see people!

How am I living without a job? I am "lucky" that I am living in a house with my parents. My dad does not work. My mom is the only one working (a simple job) and all she pay for me is my food and the internet/phone bill and any help that I might need. The rest is paid by an uncle that take control of the house and receive money from a rented floor we have here.

There is a lot more, but this part is what I needed to at least let out.
 
Hi there, Can you not take your driving test and get a car?
Not sure where your living at, maybe India?
That sucks that you dont feel save to go out at night.

My native language is English and you are very clear to understand if not better then me.

Welcome here :)
 
I'd say your family situation is more unfortunate than fortunate. They are letting you down and doing a lot of damage by enabling you to live this way so far. I wish I had some good advice. It's hard to get the fire going.

Your English is fine btw.
 
Bluey said:
Hi there, Can you not take your driving test and get a car?
Not sure where your living at, maybe India?
That sucks that you dont feel save to go out at night.

My native language is English and you are very clear to understand if not better then me.

Welcome here :)

I have a driving license (I have no driven a car in years). I can't get a car if I do not have the money to buy and maintain one. I am not from India. The living cost here is high while salaries are low. Whatever money I have been able to earn online fall short. Low income countries make it harder to me to find easily a fair compensation when there are a lot of other people working for a lot less money because to them it is a lot of money (e.g. an Indonesian can be okay with 200 USD per month).

It does suck that I cannot feel safe going out at night. Not even my mom, after 6pm she wont go out anywhere too.

kamya said:
I'd say your family situation is more unfortunate than fortunate. They are letting you down and doing a lot of damage by enabling you to live this way so far. I wish I had some good advice. It's hard to get the fire going.

Your English is fine btw.

There is not much they can do. My dad cannot do anything because of his condition and my mom is limited in how she can help. It is up to me to get out of this cycle and make a change. I just keep failing at making that happen and it has been too many years like this.

I can write/type English very well. I just cannot speak it at the same level. I never speak to anyone in English and when I had the chance it was not really helpful to develop it. I am needing a professional to give me the push for at least 1 month as minimum.

Last year I wanted to take an intensive course in any English speaking country. I wanted to go abroad so I would spend the whole day submerged in English. Taking English lesson everyday during the day and having to still deal with English once the class was over. I could not do this due to money. It would cost me a few thousands of dollars (Flight, lessons, accommodation, food, etc).

Since I could not go ahead with that, I looked locally to see where I can take the lessons. I found a place that I can reach by bus, however the cost was also huge for 1 month of lessons (From 8am to 5pm). I found a cheaper alternative in the same area but this one was only offering less than 2 hours of lessons per day. Taking the trip to there would eat a big part of my day leaving me exhausted, so it was not really worth to do for less than 2 hours of lessons.
 
i feel you dude. i relate with almost everything, sans the career/job stuff. hard to get out of a place like this when you've lived in it for so long. the nature of this machine steals you and traps you, it's unrelenting.

but your written english is basically perfect
 
Go for the freelance online work you said you could do. At the very least, you can maybe make a start on building up a CV, and it's still better than nothing (especially if money is lacking as it is). I think... if your life is at that point, then you just need to fill it as best and as healthy as you can, even if it's not "ideal". While I study and am a bit younger, I'm in a similar situation in a way, and that's certainly what I've felt. Literally any little thing helps that breaks the routine a little.
 
You say you felt amazing travelling to another country. This is a long shot, but if you're not doing anything else why not sign up for an overseas experience, with a service group of some kind, doing aid work?
 
Sometimes said:
You say you felt amazing travelling to another country. This is a long shot, but if you're not doing anything else why not sign up for an overseas experience, with a service group of some kind, doing aid work?

Traveling is an enjoyment to me. I have tried checking volunteering work to countries of my interests. Not luck with that and it does require money from me as well. I am trying to see what can be done about the English lessons before it get too late for me this year.

P.S. If anyone here has any experience with taking language lessons abroad, please, let me know about your experiences.
 

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