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Being told I look like somone else seems to upset me
#1
So I have had this issue for some time. I am a guy if you do not know. I created and and replied in many threads.

So my Issue is and as I think it definitely relates to poor self -esteem. and poor self image. Is that whenever someone would say you look like so and so. Be it someone famous. And recently a friend. An immediate sense of dread would come over me. I start to not feel like myself.  I start questioning my looks. If someone says I look like someone I
Never heard of I would be affraid to look them up in the chance they are ugly or I wouldn't think they look anything like me . People even have told me I am a good looking guy. And I look younger than I do. And positive things like that.
But as soon as I hear I look like someone I don't think I look remotely like. I throws me into some takespin. I just would rather not hear it ever. I used to hate hearing I looked like my brothers but this is more logical to me and one brother is even comsidered handsome. So that is not as odd. I am wondering if anyone else has similar issues. Any experts or someone with some insight into what would cause this intense reaction each time I get this

Thanks.
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#2
(10-29-2016, 12:52 AM)Restless soul Wrote: So I have had this issue for some time. I am a guy if you do not know. I created and and replied in many threads.

So my Issue is and as I think it definitely relates to poor self -esteem. and poor self image. Is that whenever someone would say you look like so and so. Be it someone famous. And recently a friend. An immediate sense of dread would come over me. I start to not feel like myself.  I start questioning my looks. If someone says I look like someone I
Never heard of I would be affraid to look them up in the chance they are ugly or I wouldn't think they look anything like me . People even have told me I am a good looking guy. And I look younger than I do. And positive things like that.
But as soon as I hear I look like someone I don't think I look remotely like. I throws me into some takespin. I just would rather not hear it ever. I used to hate hearing I looked like my brothers but this is more logical to me and one brother is even comsidered handsome. So that is not as odd. I am wondering if anyone else has similar issues. Any experts or someone with some insight into what would cause this intense reaction each time I get this

Thanks.

Nope haven't got a clue !
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#3
Ooook
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#4
Maybe you've been compared to more successful people a lot, and feel "less successful" than those? Maybe you are afraid people won't see the true you, or get you wrong, based on what they think about others? Maybe you're worried they wish you were different? personally, I always tend to feel this compact anger in my belly whenever I'm accused of lying - lies have destroyed too many things throughout my life and now I just hate most things that has to do with lies, and how people could think I'd resort to that when i have seen what it can do. Not exactly the same thing, I know.
Are you sure we're on the right way, Yoda?
Off course, we are.

The snow angel was imperfect but so is everyone. It was there, and that is what matters. Maybe someone would see it, and smile.
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#5
(10-29-2016, 08:59 AM)Meaw Wrote: Maybe you've been compared to more successful people a lot, and feel "less successful" than those? Maybe you are afraid people won't see the true you, or get you wrong, based on what they think about others? Maybe you're worried they wish you were different? personally, I always tend to feel this compact anger in my belly whenever I'm accused of lying - lies have destroyed too many things throughout my life and now I just hate most things that has to do with lies, and how people could think I'd resort to that when i have seen what it can do. Not exactly the same thing, I know.
No, this issue is purely physical. Based on outward looks. Appearance. Feeling less attractive than previously thought after being compared to someone else. Questioning whether I really look that much like the person I been told. Basicly shatters my whole image. Whether its logical or not.  The fact the person said I look like so and so. I feel it must be so true for them to have even brought it up. Actually puts me in a depressive state. Esepcially if I think the person is not good looking or particularly handsome. Which to me is usually the case
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#6
Why does being compared or said to look like someone else..make you feel less attractive? Usually this is a compliment. They dont say you look like the elephant man do they??? Wink

This does seem to be an esteem issue. First why do you care what others opinions are? Take a good look at yourself. Is there something you dont like? There are some things we can do about our looks...some things we cannot. But I will tell you this. Self confidence are INFINITELY more attractive than physical appearances.

There are a great number of things you can do to boost self confidence. If interested hit me up. They are tried..true and work like crazy. It takes time and effort but the payoff is immense!
I will not suffer.......
"The only way to get through hell....is to keep moving."
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#7
I agree with Forsaken-Knight...it does sound like your fears are based on low self-esteem. I'm sorry you feel that way though because it sounds like a lot of people might find you an attractive person even though you can't see it yourself. In some ways, I can relate. People make positive comments about my body, but to me I always see a much larger me and that's because I've messed my perception of myself up after years of ED. Low self-esteem and insecurities can often show up as random, senseless reactions.

I think it's a good idea to not pay much attention to what people say, which I admit, is hard to do, but perhaps try to rationalise it? Like, perhaps when people say you look like someone, they don't actually mean your facial features, but perhaps that your mannerism/dressing etc reminds them of that other person (a lot of people aren't good at articulating what they really mean anyway). Or that even if to you the resemblance to this other character carries a negative connotation, but perhaps to the person who said, it's a compliment? The truth is, we don't know what people mean half the time, and ultimately it shouldn't matter unless it's your partner/someone close.

Don't know if this helps at all, but if people are paying you compliments, it might help to focus on the fact that people think you're great looking and that's wonderful Smile
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#8
(11-01-2016, 11:43 PM)Austen Wrote: I agree with Forsaken-Knight...it does sound like your fears are based on low self-esteem. I'm sorry you feel that way though because it sounds like a lot of people might find you an attractive person even though you can't see it yourself. In some ways, I can relate. People make positive comments about my body, but to me I always see a much larger me and that's because I've messed my perception of myself up after years of ED. Low self-esteem and insecurities can often show up as random, senseless reactions.

I think it's a good idea to not pay much attention to what people say, which I admit, is hard to do, but perhaps try to rationalise it? Like, perhaps when people say you look like someone, they don't actually mean your facial features, but perhaps that your mannerism/dressing etc reminds them of that other person (a lot of people aren't good at articulating what they really mean anyway). Or that even if to you the resemblance to this other character carries a negative connotation, but perhaps to the person who said, it's a compliment? The truth is, we don't know what people mean half the time, and ultimately it shouldn't matter unless it's your partner/someone close.

Don't know if this helps at all, but if people are paying you compliments, it might help to focus on the fact that people think you're great looking and that's wonderful Smile

I agree..if someone says..hey you look like so and so...they ARE noticing you!  And thats a good thing...Why do you believe tabloids can say all that bs about stars and get away with it?  Slander is illegal.  But they rarely get taken to court.  Its because the stars LOVE the publicity...good or bad!  It works to their advantage.
I will not suffer.......
"The only way to get through hell....is to keep moving."
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#9
(11-02-2016, 12:57 AM)Forsaken-Knight Wrote:
(11-01-2016, 11:43 PM)Austen Wrote: I agree with Forsaken-Knight...it does sound like your fears are based on low self-esteem. I'm sorry you feel that way though because it sounds like a lot of people might find you an attractive person even though you can't see it yourself. In some ways, I can relate. People make positive comments about my body, but to me I always see a much larger me and that's because I've messed my perception of myself up after years of ED. Low self-esteem and insecurities can often show up as random, senseless reactions.

I think it's a good idea to not pay much attention to what people say, which I admit, is hard to do, but perhaps try to rationalise it? Like, perhaps when people say you look like someone, they don't actually mean your facial features, but perhaps that your mannerism/dressing etc reminds them of that other person (a lot of people aren't good at articulating what they really mean anyway). Or that even if to you the resemblance to this other character carries a negative connotation, but perhaps to the person who said, it's a compliment? The truth is, we don't know what people mean half the time, and ultimately it shouldn't matter unless it's your partner/someone close.

Don't know if this helps at all, but if people are paying you compliments, it might help to focus on the fact that people think you're great looking and that's wonderful Smile

I agree..if someone says..hey you look like so and so...they ARE noticing you!  And thats a good thing...Why do you believe tabloids can say all that bs about stars and get away with it?  Slander is illegal.  But they rarely get taken to court.  Its because the stars LOVE the publicity...good or bad!  It works to their advantage.
Hey guys thanks for taking the time to chime in on the subject. A good question for a top pyschologist. But like austen said. I assume and usually think facial features.  This is a purely physical looks related issue. Had it for quite sometime.  It Almost changes my preception about my aoperance if i analyze the person they are comparing me to. 
And forsaken knight. I usually never agree. I assume the worst. And i usually think that person is ununattractive. Basicly I just dont want to look like them . So if that happened to you how would you take it? React?
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#10
To just add to what I wrote above and what austen wrote.
No, I dont think these people are saying I look like so and so to to be insulting or malicious. But that still doesnt help me or do I like it. Its a very deep problem.
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