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Has anyone ever had bullies at work?
#11
I wonder if the effectiveness of the bully is based on the current feelings and/or circumstances of those being bullied. In others words, what's worst, to be trapped in a cage and continuously poked with a stick, or to be out in the open air and some jerk comes up to you and tries to poke you with a stick? For example, when I was being bullied two years ago during a group vacation in New York City, I was struggling romantically and he (an 18-year old from Belgium and me an 33-year old Hispanic-American) was throwing it my face that he could get with anyone. I was so sensitive to his bullying. But now, after having my true first romance but losing it and, currently, I have an amazing woman in my life, if he would have tried to bully me now with that same crap, it would have no effect. The worst thing to do to a bully is not revenge (violence and slander is never the answer) but to just calmly and firmly ignore them, or just politely smile and passively laugh it off. That takes real strength and intestinal fortitude.
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#12
(12-13-2016, 06:40 AM)morgandollar Wrote: I wonder if the effectiveness of the bully is based on the current feelings and/or circumstances of those being bullied. 

I think it is far worse when you are trapped in the circumstances were you have to get poked. I used to work with a bully and the thing was... all the people that worked with me, saw that the way to gain favor and keep the bully off them, was to throw me under the bus... or, trump up some sort of error to distract him.

For me that was the worst part. The gaggle of evil that surrounded me. The enablers.   In a way I thought they were worst than the bully as if they wouldn't put up with it it wouldn't have happened. 

Yesterday one of those enablers came back. She came back to enjoy an x-mas party at the workplace.  I heard her voice and I had to run away because frankly, I just wanted to yell at her now that I was freed from consequences. But it bothered me all day long. Felt like I had been poked again.
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#13
"The gaggle of evil...." eh? "...they were worse than the bully...." eh? Well I guess in the workplace I was one of those enablers.

I don't think I threw anyone under the bus, I just looked the other way and pretended i didn't see. But I'm still put to shame.

This forum can be an uncomfortable learning experience sometimes.
Be here now.
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#14
(12-15-2016, 01:11 AM)constant stranger Wrote: "The gaggle of evil...." eh?  "...they were worse than the bully...." eh?  Well I guess in the workplace I was one of those enablers.

Well it depends on what you did. My enablers would find out they did something wrong and trump up a mistake I supposedly made so that there could be a blow up and then they would slip in that they made an error too. When I wanted to not show up to their parties (which no one wanted to attend) they would cry to the bully that I was ruining it and he would make me go. 

Then we had my managers that knew he was a bully but stubbornly refused to help and "mobbed" me to keep me so full with meetings and discipline meetings that I couldn't get my work done.  They pretended I was a problem that needed discipline but the message was... keep him happy or we will make your life hell. 

But then, last but not least we have people who didn't do anything and yes... I do think it was a moral failing. Now I have a friend at work being bullied and I can't do anything directly but I have refused to help the bully and I have offered to assist with the bullied person's work so that there NEVER will be a moment where her work isn't done to perfection. I enjoy thwarting the bully. And finally, I bad mouth him to people who are likely to gossip. As a substantial part of his job is his reputation. 

I will never forget a good person who lost it one day when my bully was bullying me and without directly saying it... she lambasted him until he looked like he was going to cry. She had enough.  Probably saved me 6 months of abuse. 

But most people didn't.. and today... I don't talk to them.
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#15
I have a good friend who was bullied at her job and she handled it in a fantastic way. I hope this information will be helpful here. First, she directly told the bully to stop. The bully did not stop. Then my colleague went up the chain of command and informed her manager of the bullying behavior. No result. One more step up the chain of command. Some motion occurred but still nothing that made it clear to the bully that her behavior would not be tolerated. THEN my colleague went civil and sued the company for hostile work environment. At that point the immediate manager was demoted and sent to a different department in the company, and the bully was given two options: get fired or resign immediately. She chose to resign. Sometimes you cannot simply avoid the bullies. You have to learn to deal with them. Because if we don't, we simply enable them more. It becomes the same as in middle or high school.
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#16
(12-15-2016, 10:10 AM)AlexD Wrote: I have a good friend who was bullied at her job and she handled it in a fantastic way. I hope this information will be helpful here. First, she directly told the bully to stop. The bully did not stop. Then my colleague went up the chain of command and informed her manager of the bullying behavior. No result. One more step up the chain of command. Some motion occurred but still nothing that made it clear to the bully that her behavior would not be tolerated. THEN my colleague went civil and sued the company for hostile work environment. At that point the immediate manager was demoted and sent to a different department in the company, and the bully was given two options: get fired or resign immediately. She chose to resign. Sometimes you cannot simply avoid the bullies. You have to learn to deal with them. Because if we don't, we simply enable them more. It becomes the same as in middle or high school.

I am sorry Alex... I disagree completely. Hostile work environment is not a basis for a law suit. Hostile work environment is ONLY connected to sexual harassment. At least in the US. If your friend lucked out doing this. She lucked out. But I have TONS Of law suits in front of me that are misguided and will be dismissed. It is always sad when someone quits and files suit and really doesn't get much at all. I am currently a supporter of a movement to get an independent cause of action for workplace bulling. But even that is a double edge sword. I saw a story about a man fired for age discrimination who when he brought  suit was accused of being a bully.
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#17
(12-15-2016, 10:55 AM)LonelySutton Wrote: [...] I am currently a supporter of a movement to get an independent cause of action for workplace bulling. [...]

Good luck! Bringing these cases into the open takes courage and determination - unfortunately, all too often the victim is seen as the problem.
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#18
I really hate bullies because they are so weak. School and/or work already has their challenges. But when a person decides to single one or even a few people out, it proves that they themselves are not strong enough to handle all the typical pressures of school or work. So they get their "strength" by humiliating someone they feel is inferior. As the old saying goes, "Knowledge is power." Some time ago, a DJ tried to shake me down on a cancelled event. At first, I was going to pay ($1,400) to avoid any potential problems. But first, I decided to ask my friend who is a lawyer if the contract that was signed if it was indeed ironclad and it was not. He told me to tell the DJ, that unless he has proof that he has indeed incurred $1,400 of expenses in addition to the initial deposit, then that is considered UNJUST ENRICHMENT and therefore I am not liable for the remaining $1,400. He was so angry but there was nothing he could do. Gain a understanding of our current situation. Ask yourself, "Am I bullied? Am I being harassed? Is this a hostile work environment? What does the law actually say?" Arm yourself for a figurative fight ... do not run into a battle with an empty pistol and NEVER run away ... because you will always be running away.
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#19
(12-15-2016, 10:55 AM)LonelySutton Wrote:
(12-15-2016, 10:10 AM)AlexD Wrote: I have a good friend who was bullied at her job and she handled it in a fantastic way. I hope this information will be helpful here. First, she directly told the bully to stop. The bully did not stop. Then my colleague went up the chain of command and informed her manager of the bullying behavior. No result. One more step up the chain of command. Some motion occurred but still nothing that made it clear to the bully that her behavior would not be tolerated. THEN my colleague went civil and sued the company for hostile work environment. At that point the immediate manager was demoted and sent to a different department in the company, and the bully was given two options: get fired or resign immediately. She chose to resign. Sometimes you cannot simply avoid the bullies. You have to learn to deal with them. Because if we don't, we simply enable them more. It becomes the same as in middle or high school.

I am sorry Alex... I disagree completely. Hostile work environment is not a basis for a law suit. Hostile work environment is ONLY connected to sexual harassment. At least in the US. If your friend lucked out doing this. She lucked out. But I have TONS Of law suits in front of me that are misguided and will be dismissed. It is always sad when someone quits and files suit and really doesn't get much at all. I am currently a supporter of a movement to get an independent cause of action for workplace bulling. But even that is a double edge sword. I saw a story about a man fired for age discrimination who when he brought  suit was accused of being a bully.
This is ridiculous.  It worked well for the person that I know. I am glad you are a part of this movement. But I have known other people who've addressed their bullies successfully, too. You just don't let them be, with or without a movement. Perhaps my friend had an awesome lawyer. But she is still employed there, last I heard, it's been several years now. I have question for you, so I can learn. If workplace hostility is not a basis for a law suit, then how come so many corporations brainwash you during employee orientation week about them being a hostility-free company? Is it possible there have been more than one law suit because of bullying? I am just wondering what you think.
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#20
Suing someone for a hostile work environment usually has to fall under you legals systems definition of harassment like race, color, gender, religion, disability, sexual preference, etc. It can be tricky but not unheard of but without meeting certain criteria it is unlikely a lawsuit would be successful.
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