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How do you know when you've hit rock bottom?
#1
I'm not shy but I feel like every time I attempt to extend friendship to anyone its rejected. Right now I'm sitting at home thinking that even if I wanted to do something simple like goto the movies I literally have no one I could call. 


Dating I'm a complete mess I'm gay but closeted (to my family). At work I've been open with people and have heard the snide comments being referred to as a "dyke" but I don't really let that get to me. I think those experience just add to my hesitancy to be open with my family plus I don't see the point since I'm never in a relationship.  My struggles with social situations are only exacerbated by my lack of openness. I just don't know or even think I can change my situation at especially the loneliness aspect.
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#2
I don't think it's really possible to know when you've hit rock bottom until you do. There will likely be many times you think you hit bottom, but you really haven't yet.
I think, all in all, it's just a matter of when you decide you have nowhere to go but up and you actually do it.
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#3
The only people I could call for a movie on short notice would be my family. But I've been pretty low and was able to at least improve a few aspects of life with my coworkers and online friends. Change comes so slowly it's hard to notice it sometimes.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
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#4
I would suggest that your lack of openness is the main issue. If you're gay you're gay, nothing's going to stop you being who you are. If you're embarrassed or afraid to admit this to your family then of course you will not live a real life which will make you isolated and shy. Perhaps try living your life as you know you want to, don't tell family now - just live. This'll give you confidence and the future might get easier.
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#5
Lack of openness and fear go together like hand and glove, at least in my case. Someone I loved and trusted hurt me, made me homeless, by god, I'm never going to let THAT happen again! Loneliness is not fun, not socially acceptable but it is in the end, emotionally safe.

You're not hitting bottom because there's no bottom to hit when you're out of bounds. It sounds like we face the same struggle, albeit for different reasons: overcoming fear enough to take the risk and trust again. I wish you all the best, it isn't at all easy.

Regards,
James Rasmussen
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#6
I'm always aware of my emotional status, so it's easy to know when I've fallen back to step one (right off the staircase).

And I stop to think about how and why, and what to do to climb back up out of it.
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#7
Tttthhhaaaaatttt sounds an awful lot like Clinical Depression.
Clinical Depression is when you have difficulty eliciting feeling at all, because your emotions are depressed (that is, flattened).

If that's the case, than unless you're confident with playing with fire (or just a dumbass like I am) medication is usually the way to go (err...hi pot, I'm kettle).

I know I've hit rock bottom when it's been two months since I've felt anything at all, even sadness, and I'm catatonic and suffering mild hallucinations under A LOT of sleep deprivation or too much sleep. Social situations can actually trigger this for me if they go bad (that is, if I get into a pretty heated fight with my friends, for example).

Likewise I...don't really have any friends. One or two in person, that's it.
I've pretty much given up trying to be social outside of online because I find it too difficult to try to do anymore and I'm rather disappointed most of the time with my attempts. I'm an advocate of the idea that people should pursue what they're good at doing, and I just am not good at social composition.

I'm good at being creative, cross-referencing information, doing research, and putting things in order.
I'm bad at multitasking and communicating (especially if it involves my feelings. I can actually communicate my thoughts quite easily).

It puts me in an awkward situation, really...
I have a drive to be independent, but I'm crippled by social anxiety and clinical depression, so I have to live around someone...or at the very least, frequently visit someone/talk to someone, somewhere. I spent 3 full months in total solitude once. No internet, no cable, no television, living on half a paycheck, and all my had moved out of town. That was probably the hardest time of my life. I don't ever want to have to go through something like that again. I flinch at even the thought of it even though it was 3 years ago.

Anyway, basically what I'm saying is: Don't be like me and handle this badly and stupidly if you are suffering from clinical depression. If you legitimately feel like you need medication to help, you should go and do it. I feel like I do, but I also know that I can't afford it, so I have to get creative and find other ways to deal with it (ironic much?)
"Of Fire in Nature, Love in Spirit unkenned,
Life, hath no axle, no spring, and no End"
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