Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Addicted to loneliness
#11
Hey Dirta, welcome to the forum.

I understand what you're saying, I have had myself pull back from relationships before, mostly friendship ones but also one or two potentially romantic ones... All because of fear that once I open myself up, I wouldn't be understood or liked, I'd be found odd and ridiculed, and it would hurt me more than not ever taking a chance would.

I took a chance now over 2 years ago and indeed got hurt like never before, but I got over it with time and realise now that it won't go my way all the time, but that doesn't mean it'snot worth trying so I have recently decided to start taking chances again and will see what comes from that. One thing is for sure though, I will always need space, my own place where I can be by my self, I've learned that much.
Reply
#12
(04-12-2017, 12:38 PM)Skyless Wrote:
(04-09-2017, 02:42 AM)dirta Wrote: Hi, everyone. I'm new here.
I don't have lots of friends, because I have a tendency to drift away from everyone. It's like I find comfort in my loneliness and thoughts. But when I'm alone for some time I start to feel this strong longing for affection and interaction with people who are simply not there. When I finally find somebody, I sabotage it. I start to be picky or make up reasons why that person won't ever understand me. And I turn to loneliness once again.  I feel like I'm married to loneliness or it is like addiction. Chained up in my own freedom.
Anyone feels the same?

Welcome to the forum Dirta Smile

I'm curious what you mean by "chained up in freedom"? It's an interesting contradiction. Are you afraid that actually pursuing something long enough or genuinely enough to actually be understood will bring with it its own set of obligations that you can't practically cope with in the real sense? Or has the fear of any kind of obligation in the abstract sense been so strong that loneliness has seemed like the only path left to tread?

I hope you enjoy your time here Smile 

Take Care Smile
Umm... I guess what I meant is that I've build this grand fortress of privacy to myself, to be free and do whatever I want, and so that no one could get to me, see me for who I truely am. 
Fool.  Club  Now I realise I've build myself a prison.
Reply
#13
Yea, I feel the same. I think if you stay lonely for a long time, you come in a more smaller and better comfort zone and find it the hardest to begin to bring changes to stop your loneliness. But once you start doing the changes then it's easier to do the latter part. And once you get to adjusted to the non-so-lonely life, you are no longer addicted to loneliness.
Reply
#14
(04-09-2017, 02:42 AM)dirta Wrote: Hi, everyone. I'm new here.
I don't have lots of friends, because I have a tendency to drift away from everyone. It's like I find comfort in my loneliness and thoughts. But when I'm alone for some time I start to feel this strong longing for affection and interaction with people who are simply not there. When I finally find somebody, I sabotage it. I start to be picky or make up reasons why that person won't ever understand me. And I turn to loneliness once again.  I feel like I'm married to loneliness or it is like addiction. Chained up in my own freedom.
Anyone feels the same?

Dirta, 95% of what you've said sounds exactly like me, and I only recently found that my unusual "fate" of walking around in sundry golden longings, daydreaming, never ever meeting anyone who is right for me, and sabotaging myself at every step, is quite possibly a psychological deformation known as avoidant personality (disorder). 
I know I mentioned this in another thread (in fact, it was my first post on this site); still, it bears repeating. It is a sinister, insidious condition, but if you are aware of it (I wasn't, and now it's too late), you have won half the battle.
Reply
#15
(05-07-2017, 12:15 AM)Noctilucent Wrote:  is quite possibly a psychological deformation known as avoidant personality (disorder). 
I know I mentioned this in another thread (in fact, it was my first post on this site); still, it bears repeating. It is a sinister, insidious condition, but if you are aware of it (I wasn't, and now it's too late), you have won half the battle.

The thing is.. I looked into that - AVPD and the Avoidant people tell me I do not have that personality disorder because basically AVPD long to be with people all the time and she sounds like there are times she wants to be alone. Everyone tells me I am schizoid personality disorder.  But I don't think that is right either because that is not caring about people all the time and, of course, on occasion I do need company. 

For me, it just seems obvious.
- I have via my life learned to be independent. This is not a bad thing. But most people are not independent. 
- When I do meet someone lately, they are horrible. Bad manners, selfish, people that make me recoil in horror because I have another option... being independent. 
- after years of dealing with not the best people... I have trust issues and would prefer to end it quickly if I get even a hint that the person is not the best for me.
- it seems lately that the good people... the ones I want to be friends with, are surrounded by other friends who recognize how good they are... and thus, they are overwhelmed with people who want to be with them. I can't get a word in edgewise.
Reply
#16
(05-07-2017, 12:51 AM)EmilyFoxSeaton Wrote:
Quote:The thing is.. I looked into that - AVPD and the Avoidant people tell me I do not have that personality disorder because basically AVPD long to be with people all the time and she sounds like there are times she wants to be alone. Everyone tells me I am schizoid personality disorder.  But I don't think that is right either because that is not caring about people all the time and, of course, on occasion I do need company. 

Yes, in my reply to Dirta I overgeneralised AND forgot to include the "schizoid" type.
(Serves me right for replying in haste.)

But then, such classifications are bound to be highly flawed, and their main purpose is to act as a sort of general alert.
Even if we accept the classification, I doubt very many cases are clear-cut. Your case demonstrates that clearly - if indeed you have this type of disorder, which seems somewhat doubtful, as you yourself indicated.

And this...


Quote:For me, it just seems obvious.
- I have via my life learned to be independent. This is not a bad thing. But most people are not independent. 

It is obvious indeed, but only to the lucid. Smile
You haven't asked for my advice, so I won't give any. But I wish you all the best.
Reply
#17
Lack of acceptance of yourself.

Your situation is quite clear to me.

We have been taught not to be who we really are. Since childhood. We were rewarded for following what our parents would want us to do. If we would be ourselves, and do what our instincts would tell u to do, we would be punished. This has trained us not to be who we really are.

Now when you are alone, there is nobody to judge you and nobody to dictate you. Nobody to tell you that you are a good singer, or an actor or whatever. You start realizing that what you appear to others is not really you. You feel betrayed by your inner self. You realize that you were just pretending. And this causes a discomfort, because your mind doesn't accept you for the "new you" because it is something different than what you have been told until now. And thus, it doesn't accept you. This is loneliness.
________________________________________________________________
Smile   Toungue
Reply


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  How to deal with loneliness Dinaa 5 143 07-23-2017, 09:25 PM
Last Post: hppnssseeker
  Can loneliness be won? ShyNLonely 6 238 07-21-2017, 05:34 AM
Last Post: ShyNLonely
Big Grin Loneliness doesn't quite cover it. Richard_39 9 665 07-18-2017, 12:34 AM
Last Post: Richard_39
Sad Loneliness getting too Much.. Lonelytimegirl 3 361 07-02-2017, 06:07 PM
Last Post: Lonelytimegirl
  Can loneliness be good? Good Loner 37 3,501 06-16-2017, 12:04 AM
Last Post: Richard_39
  Whats the weirdess thing you've done out of loneliness? TheAnxiousPain 79 13,434 05-12-2017, 02:04 PM
Last Post: Jafo
  Does anyone else think your loneliness wastes and/or has wasted your life? AnonymousMe 42 5,064 05-07-2017, 06:48 AM
Last Post: Tealeaf
  Do you have a plan to tackle your loneliness? hoppipolla 7 1,127 03-18-2017, 10:24 PM
Last Post: constant stranger
  Does this describe your sort of loneliness? dokidoki 6 1,546 01-25-2017, 09:04 PM
Last Post: Jerasmussen
  Art and creativity as a model for healing from loneliness Lost_in_necropolis 7 1,343 11-23-2016, 07:46 AM
Last Post: ThatZealousOne

Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)