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How to cope with the devastating consequences of social isolation?
#11
(10-03-2017, 12:44 AM)LondonCity2017 Wrote: Hi Everyone

Just looking for advice or a way to connect with people who may be going through what I go through. 

I live alone and don't really have any friends, have gotten to the point where I hardly leave the house. Basically I was always the kind of person who was the one on their own, even as a child. I got so used to it that it became normal for me and now I actually shun anyone who tries to make friends with me. However I'm aware that there is a primitive part of my brain that requires social interaction and yet I've been through 36 years of pain and hurt and rejection I just cant go on anymore. 

When I was younger I would attempt to engage with people, date etc but in the end people always reject me so now I am just not prepared to put myself through it anymore. I accept myself for what I am now, I've had therapy and my therapist encourages me to accept myself and build self esteem based on my uniqness rather than shame myself for it. Its hard though.

Of course, the pain of never having married or had children is the most shameful experience. Its a pain like no other... but I accept it now. the only thing I regret is that I did not accept it sooner. The world had always given me a clear signal that I was not wanted... parents, school, work situations.... and yet I still tried to  date. There were so many humiliating experiences of rejection,  why did I  put myself through it for so long? This is my biggest regret, if only I had accepted myself sooner and them maybe my self esteem wouldn't be as low as it is.

However I feel I have now turned a corner with this and no longer pursue love... but still left with the shame (god knows what my neighbors must think of me living alone like this, although outwardly I am neighborly and keep my home clean and tidy)

I am now stuck between a 'rock and a hard place', lonely and isolated yet can not leave the house anymore. 

Has anyone been through a similar experience to me? what worked? how have you coped with it? 

SSRI Medication doesn't really help me (lord knows I've tried everything) I find exercise and SAD lamp is useful and also ST Johns Wort and 5htp take the edge off of depression, but fundamentally social isolation and social rejection the problem and yet I am a loner at heart, what is a person to do? 

Please don't respond with just nasty comments under the 'guise' of constructive criticism, I'm really hurting here and that subtle kind of forum 'bullying' will only make matters worse and I see it goes on, to be honest it could send me over the edge, so I'm really humbly appealing to the kind hearted members for genuine help here. I'm not looking for a forum argument - I want to make that quite clear (I've had bad forum experiences before). Thank you.

Hi London,

I read your post and each word resonates with me. You're story resonates with me. I just really want to thank you for writing this because you made me feel a lot less alone. I even had the "did I write this myself?" moment. I've said some of the same exact things to myself "Why didn't i accept myself sooner?" "Why did i put all this pressure on me just to be rejected in humilating ways?" I have so many painful memories myself of rejection and embarassing moments. I always and still do feel very unwanted by the world like you said.  I wish I could offer some form of helpful advice but I wouldn't know any for I am in the same situation. All I can tell you that I sooooooooooooo relate to you.
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#12
The majority of my negative life experience the kind that seared into the brain, occurred before 25 when most people I came across were still behaving like cliquish arseholes.
Are you still interested in dating or do you feel that it’s way too late now? (I’m 38) I don’t have any original advice for you other than the usual hobby, community, local activist groups etc., since that’s good way to get some social interaction in manageable doses.
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#13
(10-11-2017, 07:54 AM)ardour Wrote: The majority of my negative life  experience the kind that seared into the brain, occurred before 25 when most people I came across were still behaving like cliquish arseholes.  
Are you still interested in dating or do you feel that it’s way too late now? (I’m 38)  I don’t have any original advice for you other than the usual hobby, community, local activist groups etc., since that’s  good way to get some social interaction in manageable doses.

Hi

No I don't date anymore, I can tolerate the pain and I'll be dammed if I'm gonna spend the next 36 years pursuing something that just makes me miserable.  (if I've got that many years) The advice and support everyone has given has really helped. Thanks

(10-07-2017, 08:57 PM)MissLonely79 Wrote:
(10-03-2017, 12:44 AM)LondonCity2017 Wrote: Hi Everyone

Just looking for advice or a way to connect with people who may be going through what I go through. 

I live alone and don't really have any friends, have gotten to the point where I hardly leave the house. Basically I was always the kind of person who was the one on their own, even as a child. I got so used to it that it became normal for me and now I actually shun anyone who tries to make friends with me. However I'm aware that there is a primitive part of my brain that requires social interaction and yet I've been through 36 years of pain and hurt and rejection I just cant go on anymore. 

When I was younger I would attempt to engage with people, date etc but in the end people always reject me so now I am just not prepared to put myself through it anymore. I accept myself for what I am now, I've had therapy and my therapist encourages me to accept myself and build self esteem based on my uniqness rather than shame myself for it. Its hard though.

Of course, the pain of never having married or had children is the most shameful experience. Its a pain like no other... but I accept it now. the only thing I regret is that I did not accept it sooner. The world had always given me a clear signal that I was not wanted... parents, school, work situations.... and yet I still tried to  date. There were so many humiliating experiences of rejection,  why did I  put myself through it for so long? This is my biggest regret, if only I had accepted myself sooner and them maybe my self esteem wouldn't be as low as it is.

However I feel I have now turned a corner with this and no longer pursue love... but still left with the shame (god knows what my neighbors must think of me living alone like this, although outwardly I am neighborly and keep my home clean and tidy)

I am now stuck between a 'rock and a hard place', lonely and isolated yet can not leave the house anymore. 

Has anyone been through a similar experience to me? what worked? how have you coped with it? 

SSRI Medication doesn't really help me (lord knows I've tried everything) I find exercise and SAD lamp is useful and also ST Johns Wort and 5htp take the edge off of depression, but fundamentally social isolation and social rejection the problem and yet I am a loner at heart, what is a person to do? 

Please don't respond with just nasty comments under the 'guise' of constructive criticism, I'm really hurting here and that subtle kind of forum 'bullying' will only make matters worse and I see it goes on, to be honest it could send me over the edge, so I'm really humbly appealing to the kind hearted members for genuine help here. I'm not looking for a forum argument - I want to make that quite clear (I've had bad forum experiences before). Thank you.

Hi London,

I read your post and each word resonates with me. You're story resonates with me. I just really want to thank you for writing this because you made me feel a lot less alone. I even had the "did I write this myself?" moment. I've said some of the same exact things to myself "Why didn't i accept myself sooner?" "Why did i put all this pressure on me just to be rejected in humilating ways?" I have so many painful memories myself of rejection and embarassing moments. I always and still do feel very unwanted by the world like you said.  I wish I could offer some form of helpful advice but I wouldn't know any for I am in the same situation. All I can tell you that I sooooooooooooo relate to you.


You are very welcome, thank you for your support it has helped me a lot :-)
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#14
Hi LondonCity2017, I think that getting a pet is a good idea, especially a dog - they can bring you such comfort when you need it. Also finding good places online where you can meet people who are accepting is good, like here. I hope you find some solace from you loneliness here. Smile
[Image: giphy.gif]
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#15
(10-03-2017, 12:44 AM)LondonCity2017 Wrote: Hi Everyone

Just looking for advice or a way to connect with people who may be going through what I go through. 

I live alone and don't really have any friends, have gotten to the point where I hardly leave the house. Basically I was always the kind of person who was the one on their own, even as a child. I got so used to it that it became normal for me and now I actually shun anyone who tries to make friends with me. However I'm aware that there is a primitive part of my brain that requires social interaction and yet I've been through 36 years of pain and hurt and rejection I just cant go on anymore. 

When I was younger I would attempt to engage with people, date etc but in the end people always reject me so now I am just not prepared to put myself through it anymore. I accept myself for what I am now, I've had therapy and my therapist encourages me to accept myself and build self esteem based on my uniqness rather than shame myself for it. Its hard though.

Of course, the pain of never having married or had children is the most shameful experience. Its a pain like no other... but I accept it now. the only thing I regret is that I did not accept it sooner. The world had always given me a clear signal that I was not wanted... parents, school, work situations.... and yet I still tried to  date. There were so many humiliating experiences of rejection,  why did I  put myself through it for so long? This is my biggest regret, if only I had accepted myself sooner and them maybe my self esteem wouldn't be as low as it is.

However I feel I have now turned a corner with this and no longer pursue love... but still left with the shame (god knows what my neighbors must think of me living alone like this, although outwardly I am neighborly and keep my home clean and tidy)

I am now stuck between a 'rock and a hard place', lonely and isolated yet can not leave the house anymore. 

Has anyone been through a similar experience to me? what worked? how have you coped with it? 

SSRI Medication doesn't really help me (lord knows I've tried everything) I find exercise and SAD lamp is useful and also ST Johns Wort and 5htp take the edge off of depression, but fundamentally social isolation and social rejection the problem and yet I am a loner at heart, what is a person to do? 

Please don't respond with just nasty comments under the 'guise' of constructive criticism, I'm really hurting here and that subtle kind of forum 'bullying' will only make matters worse and I see it goes on, to be honest it could send me over the edge, so I'm really humbly appealing to the kind hearted members for genuine help here. I'm not looking for a forum argument - I want to make that quite clear (I've had bad forum experiences before). Thank you.

Yes I've been in a similar experience to you.  I've been a social isolate and it was normal for me but I knew it wasn't sustainable for the rest of my life without making me unacceptably psychotic or something.  I got out of it by enrolling in some structured activities:  volunteerism and community college classes.  I now have one friend....of the opposite sex and it's a romance too.....sort of....but it's a big deal for me.  And there are a few other  regular social interactions deriving from the volunteering and community college.  It's an artificial rather than a spontaneous sociality.....but it works for me.   Is any of this seem relevant to your situation?
Be here now.
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