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Surprised
#1
I've only been lurking here and posting here and there for about a week now.  One thing that stood out and surprised me was there seems to be quite a few that are married.  I wouldn't think you'd be so lonely as to seek out a forum about it when you have a significant other?  As some of you may have read my post I've only been in one relationship and it has not exactly been something to brag about.  So being that I found her by happenstance because of my loneliness it's a bit disheartening to see even if you are with someone there's still loneliness.
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#2
It's very possible to be lonely while married. Lots of people are married to spouses who stopped putting emotional labor into the marriage long ago. They don't care how their partner's day went. If their partner says anything, good or bad, it's met with negativity and harsh criticism. Eventually you stop opening up in a scenario like that.

One of the things escorts frequently say is that many of the men who seek out their services aren't seeking out the physical act of sex so much as they're seeking intimacy. I read an interview with one escort where she said that about a third of her encounters don't involve any kind of sex act. The poor dude just wants someone to talk to who'll listen to him without judging or criticizing him. The same thing leads lots of married people of both sexes to commit "emotional adultery" where they have long, late-night chat sessions with people online who live far away. Often, married people have a tougher time coping with this than with finding out their partner had NSA sex with someone else.
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#3
Ring up lifeline if you feel too lonely. why not! you dont have to have a suicidal plan to talk to their vilunteer counsellors. They might be relieved to listen to someone who isnt strictly speaking, suicidal.
im married btw. i wont sledge my partner on here. she deserves a gold medal for sticking with me for 28 years.

Never assume someone is not in need of sympathy or compassion. no matter what their status is.
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#4
I’m married, my husband is my best friend, will always have my back no matter what. My issue is I have no friends other than family anymore. I’m retired and worked from home the last several years, so no workplace relationships. The friends I have had over the years just went away after I quite putting all the effort in. I just need more but now I don’t know how to do it, or maybe I’m afraid. Losing friends and not knowing why is hurtful, and I don’t understand what it is about ME that makes it so I can’t keep a friend. I will tell the females I’m friendly with, like ex=coworkers, call me, lets do this or that, and they are always “yes!” But then I never hear back from them. I’m at a point it’s easier to be alone then to be hurt more.
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#5
(06-18-2019, 11:54 AM)Kona Wrote: I’m married, my husband is my best friend, will always have my back no matter what. My issue is I have no friends other than family anymore. I’m retired and worked from home the last several years, so no workplace relationships. The friends I have had over the years just went away after I quite putting all the effort in. I just need more but now I don’t know how to do it, or maybe I’m afraid. Losing friends and not knowing why is hurtful, and I don’t understand what it is about ME that makes it so I can’t keep a friend. I will tell the females I’m friendly with, like ex=coworkers, call me, lets do this or that, and they are always “yes!” But then I never hear back from them. I’m at a point it’s easier to be alone then to be hurt more.


To me, it sounds like a face to face counsellor would be more useful than here on the Net. They might be able to give you feedback. Generally speaking, to make friends, you just need to be friendly. But if you don't seem positive or interesting or a good listener, they might want to avoid you. That is just their attitude to you. its not who you really are. Id say patience is a key. Also join a hobby group which is your passion. I joined a Bible study group recently and a few people responded quite warmly to me. which is rare..  Smile
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#6
Thanks for the replies. Makes more sense. I mean I have a couple friends from work I talk to regularly, but I'm still lonely. But I guess my loneliness stems more from a lack of having a Significant Other. I guess the grass being greener on the other side could apply here.
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#7
“I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.”

― Robin Williams

I'm married with five kids. I used to think that having a family wouldn't be lonely, but it is. My wife is oblivious to most things. She tells me about work and we watch TV together and somehow that's a fulfilling relationship to her. And all my kids took after her.
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#8
I believe the same, how can you be lonely when you have a family and kids? but anywaym I understand loneliness is different for everbody, I also know(girls mostly) people that can have a lot of friends, social life, lovers and sexual partners but they feel lonely too, yeah, as crazy as it sounds, but we are not loneliness judges so I just dont answer those topics, I get along more with old good looners like me
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#9
(06-24-2019, 12:56 AM)HorseLatitudes Wrote: I believe the same, how can you be lonely when you have a family and kids? 

Well, if you think about it, how can anyone be lonely with all these people on the planet? It's the same kind of thing. I have no real ties to anyone in my family. They just don't get me and I don't get them.
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