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How can I look more experienced?
#1
My naive-ness is the reason why I run away from friendships.

Here is the reason why.
My story.
I can't even manage to hold a friendship.

Most of my friendships last 6 months. It's mostly hobbies and some common interest. Once I open my mouth, I feel like they know that I am a loner and very naive. So they assume that I have no friends even without fully knowing me. They can read me very well. I don't really agree with them. I just put their thoughts as an assumption and tell myself that they really don't know anything about my life. But deep down, their assumptions are true.

The only reason I THINK people think that I am a loner is because I have nothing to say. I am so naive, that my mind is still in the learning process. So my social skills is at the same level of a kindergarten child.

My question is how can I don't give people the idea that I am a loner and naive. How can I look more experienced? I am tried of people thinking this way about me. I am the one that unfriends the friends I had. Once I know that they assume that I am a loner. I want to run away from them and never meet them again. I find it very disrespectful from them seeing me as a loner. I want to be seen like a regular person like once of their long time best friends.

I feel like every person I meet, it will be the same cycle again. We will enjoy our first few months and I will end up running away from them because I feel like I am not part of the friendship. I shouldn't feel this way. I shouldn't have doubts. I should be happy. But I am not because I assume this way. I know my assumptions are right because it's all body language. Despite having terrible social skills, body language is the only thing I can read.
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#2
If you want to be seen as a "regular" person, maybe try being a "regular" person. Stop running away. Stand your ground and realize there's nothing wrong with you.

Why exactly does it matter if they assume you have no experience? I'm not sure I understand why that's a terrible thing. Do they bully you about it? I'm also not sure what is disrespectful about them seeing you as a loner if you are/have been a loner.

Honestly, it kind of sounds like you look for excuses to run. I could be wrong, but that's what it seems like to me from what you wrote.
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#3
I agree with Callie.

You can't look more experienced. You look as experienced as you are.

Get more experience. It will be hard. Don't run away. Fight that feeling.
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#4
Hi there,
One of the best ways to cover for social inexperience and not knowing what to say, is to ask good questions. People care more that you care about them than they do that you know things. So learn to be a great listener! Your friends will be so grateful to have someone care and someone they can talk to, that you'll stop feeling the judgment from them.

And here's a secret: after several months of listening more and (worrying about) talking less, you'll realize you're starting to have a depth of "experience" to talk from, as you've paid attention to the depth in other people's lives. Also, focusing on others and their lives and stories will help you think less of yourself (something we all struggle with), which will help you worry less about being inexperienced.

I hope this helps, you sound like a great person who will make a wonderful friend if you just hang in there and keep trying! God bless
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#5
(09-04-2019, 01:21 AM)reaThua9 Wrote: Hi there,
One of the best ways to cover for social inexperience and not knowing what to say, is to ask good questions. People care more that you care about them than they do that you know things. So learn to be a great listener! Your friends will be so grateful to have someone care and someone they can talk to, that you'll stop feeling the judgment from them.

And here's a secret: after several months of listening more and (worrying about) talking less, you'll realize you're starting to have a depth of "experience" to talk from, as you've paid attention to the depth in other people's lives. Also, focusing on others and their lives and stories will help you think less of yourself (something we all struggle with), which will help you worry less about being inexperienced.

I hope this helps, you sound like a great person who will make a wonderful friend if you just hang in there and keep trying! God bless

Just wanted to say that this response was a pleasure to read! ❤️
Great tip. ❤️
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#6
(09-04-2019, 01:21 AM)reaThua9 Wrote: Hi there,
One of the best ways to cover for social inexperience and not knowing what to say, is to ask good questions. People care more that you care about them than they do that you know things. So learn to be a great listener! Your friends will be so grateful to have someone care and someone they can talk to, that you'll stop feeling the judgment from them.

And here's a secret: after several months of listening more and (worrying about) talking less, you'll realize you're starting to have a depth of "experience" to talk from, as you've paid attention to the depth in other people's lives. Also, focusing on others and their lives and stories will help you think less of yourself (something we all struggle with), which will help you worry less about being inexperienced.

I hope this helps, you sound like a great person who will make a wonderful friend if you just hang in there and keep trying! God bless

I agree but this isn't always a good thing and you have to take care of yourself too. As someone who has been there and done that, from my experience, you have to be careful that people don't start taking advantage of you and you become others shoulder to cry on. You need people to listen to you too and not just be the one to go to who is a good listener. It can actually make you feel worse.
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