I feel like I will never find the one for me and just feel like giving up.
My first bf it was great in the beginning until he told be out of the blue that we should break up. It was like something just tore my hear tight out of my body. So we broke up but we continued seeing each other b/c our parents were friends. I gues me and him just had weak will power b/c it turned into this friends with benefits thing. He was my first, well alot of firsts .There would be times when it seemed ok but then he would change and act like o complete ******* to me. I was so lost and emotional confused. In the end we had a realy big fight that hurt me so much and then he left to Europe . It left a very deep hole inside me that took along tim to heal
After a while I started dating someone else and in the beggining he was nice to me though he did have alot of issues in his life but I was determined to be there for him. After we have been dating for a while I decided this guy cares about me we should take the next step. After that evrything was a okay for a little bit but it changed over time. All he seem to care about is sex. He stopped caring what I though didnt try to take me out or anything and bragged to his friends about oh how he messed a model ( I want to model and agency wants to give me a contract) Then once my periosn was late and so I thought th worst and my mom saw how stressed out I seem and confronted me about it and I told her. I wasnt pregnant just stress but my mom from now on has dificuly trusting me to this day. Me and him broke it off.
I've dated this other guy after that and he was realy sweet to me we connected he treated me well. unfortunenty he also had a substance abuse problem and got caught and went to jail for a little bit then to rehab. After he came out he asked me to help him stay off drugs and be there for him and I said I would. But his mom wont let him speak to anyone I called his house phone and she basicaly told me to loose the number and never call again. this was yesterday so thats that.
Yesterday I talked to my first bf in Europe online and he apoligised to me for everything . He said that he was being an ******* because he found out he was gonna leave so he wanted to push me away. He said it was wrong of him and he realised how much of an effect it had on me. So we started talking more and he told me he has a gf and how happy he is . It was liek something just brought the old pain from the past and I started to cry. WE continued on talking and telling me that I'm a wownderful person and was a great gf and will deff find someone for me soon but I just kept on crying near my labtop. I though I put it all behing me but I guess not.
And now here I am after everything just seeing eveyone find someone special in their lives and I'm alone with alot of the old pain boiling at the surface. i just needed to talk to someone that would give me advice or something . I dont know if I will ever find someone or feel like I dont deserve it sometimes.
My first bf it was great in the beginning until he told be out of the blue that we should break up. It was like something just tore my hear tight out of my body. So we broke up but we continued seeing each other b/c our parents were friends. I gues me and him just had weak will power b/c it turned into this friends with benefits thing. He was my first, well alot of firsts .There would be times when it seemed ok but then he would change and act like o complete ******* to me. I was so lost and emotional confused. In the end we had a realy big fight that hurt me so much and then he left to Europe . It left a very deep hole inside me that took along tim to heal
After a while I started dating someone else and in the beggining he was nice to me though he did have alot of issues in his life but I was determined to be there for him. After we have been dating for a while I decided this guy cares about me we should take the next step. After that evrything was a okay for a little bit but it changed over time. All he seem to care about is sex. He stopped caring what I though didnt try to take me out or anything and bragged to his friends about oh how he messed a model ( I want to model and agency wants to give me a contract) Then once my periosn was late and so I thought th worst and my mom saw how stressed out I seem and confronted me about it and I told her. I wasnt pregnant just stress but my mom from now on has dificuly trusting me to this day. Me and him broke it off.
I've dated this other guy after that and he was realy sweet to me we connected he treated me well. unfortunenty he also had a substance abuse problem and got caught and went to jail for a little bit then to rehab. After he came out he asked me to help him stay off drugs and be there for him and I said I would. But his mom wont let him speak to anyone I called his house phone and she basicaly told me to loose the number and never call again. this was yesterday so thats that.
Yesterday I talked to my first bf in Europe online and he apoligised to me for everything . He said that he was being an ******* because he found out he was gonna leave so he wanted to push me away. He said it was wrong of him and he realised how much of an effect it had on me. So we started talking more and he told me he has a gf and how happy he is . It was liek something just brought the old pain from the past and I started to cry. WE continued on talking and telling me that I'm a wownderful person and was a great gf and will deff find someone for me soon but I just kept on crying near my labtop. I though I put it all behing me but I guess not.
And now here I am after everything just seeing eveyone find someone special in their lives and I'm alone with alot of the old pain boiling at the surface. i just needed to talk to someone that would give me advice or something . I dont know if I will ever find someone or feel like I dont deserve it sometimes.