Thoughts on Giving Up

Let's start with my philosophy of the universe. Time is a necessary illusion. Everything that will happen is already determined. We just have to reach the moment in time for the future to become the present and just as quickly become the past. With this philosophy in mind I find myself thinking what's the point? Now don't panic, I can't do anything to disappoint anyone else. I go to sleep most days hoping and praying not to wake up. Each morning having the thoughts of disapointment that I have to face another day.
I think most of this depression comes from not finding anything that makes me happy. I used to be happy any time I was able to help someone else, but now I don't get that same euphoric feeling. There is only emptiness. Everything in life seems like work. I'm only here to help others and do what I need to do to make them happy. I've gotten to the point that I want something in return. I want someone to care about me. Not just because they have to but because they truly want to. I guess I want to FEEL loved.  My family loves me very much, but it just isn't the same as a deep commitment to someone else.
I've never been very good when dealing with people. I remain reserved and shy mostly because I feel I have nothing valuable to share about my life. It is this reserved shyness that has led me to not have a best friend (nor a girlfriend) for most of my life. This too would explain why I'm still a virgin and feel awkward whenever anyone mentions sex. I just don't fit in socially. What does a middle-aged, slightly overweight, balding virgin really have to offer?
Many people would call me their friend, but I only see them as acquaintances. People who you know but don't do anything besides work. It seems people only talk to me when they need something, the whole time not seeing that I need something too. Sure, everyone looks at me as a good person, but never do they venture to seek out the person that is hidden from the world. I long for the late night conversations and right now I really need to just be held. I am so tired of being alone. I have no reason to live and I don't want to do this any longer. I want to quit this never-ending job called life.

Time is only an illusion..only if it leads you back to truth. (In spiritaul principles or teachings).
The truth is you are love,happiness, and whole already.
Accepting this conception/awareness/conciousness...you're not in a state of lack.
You complete you....

I'm a spritaul being having a human experince....

Ok...so much for spiritual stuff. God is cool and all...but I like skin too
Sometimes it can be a little bit confusing if you read co-dependency books or concepts

I'm a human being having a human experience. I need love and effections in return just like everyone else.
I can accept these desire without being shameful or guilty about it.

You have so much to live for. You have so much love to give and offer. You have you to offer.
Please offer that love and compassion to yourself at the moment.
Give yourself a break,...allow yourself to step out of your comfortzone.
I hope love find you someday. Someday soon.

My family love me very much too. But you are right. ppl like you and me, Us here all need that extra commitment from that special someone. You are just a few years older then me. I think we got to old for a cuddle from mummy and daddy. And even if you do still get ye mam a cuddle its not really what you wont, need is it.

I don't know if its all predetermined or not. My philosophy on that is it is for some ppl but not for others. Or maybe in some parts of your life its all predetermined but for others parts its up to you where you end up. If you get me there.

I am not happy with many parts of my life. I have been dealt what I have been dealt and can only play from the hand that has been dealt me. I have and am learning to make the most out of what I have. I still seat here to night alone at 34 years old. I well probably still be seat from where ever I end up alone at 64 years old. I hope there is some good times from now tell then. I hope there are not bad times. or at lest nothing to bad. Nothing out of the ordinary anyway. I hope *fingers crossed*

Where ever you end up you need to try and make the best out of what you have no matter how little or much that is. And if you don't make the best out of it then learn to forgive your self for your own miss comings and learn from your past.

Some ppl well never be with anyone or get to live with a lover, or even be with a lover. It doesn't make you any less important to the world. You have a destiny just the same has every living thing on this planet and beyond dose. Like anything in life you have to sacrifice and work hard to get anything that's worth having. Maybe if your finding it a lot harder in this world then most then maybe your goal, the reason your down here is for something moor then what most are here for. Keep at it. The end goal is worth it. That I have to believe for myself. All though I do know a lot of the time its hard to tell yourself that.

Thank you for your responses. I had an epiphany today partially due to your response. I have led my life following the golden rule. In terms of spiritual enlightenment I have already obtained unconditional love for everyone and everything else. I have been waiting to receive love from others but it just hasn't happened. I realized I wouldn't recognize it if it was offered because I lacked unconditional love for myself. Once I find love for myself I'll then be spiritually open to accepting (and recognizing) it from others. I'm now committed to find love for myself. Life is just an opportunity to make a bunch of mistakes that we LEARN from. One person truly can make a difference in the life of others in the strangest ways. Spiritual enlightenment and happiness will only occur when we find unconditional love for others, self, and able to accept it from others. Thank you!

Your post makes me sad, especially since I can imagine myself in your shoes ten years down the road.

Seek out love from others whether or not you can find it in yourself. People have the ability to validate one another's worth. Finding another person who is willing to show you love can help you find love for yourself. I believe this because it's partly other people who stripped away my sense of self-worth and I'm still trying to pick up the pieces. I really believe the reverse is possible; I see it in some of the married couples that I know. Of course I don't see the fights behind the scenes either.

I also empathize with you about the half-hearted stance that people sometimes hold regarding those that they consider "friends." Hey, I don't need someone that I can have a slightly awkward hang-out with once every two or three months outside of work. I need someone that I can genuinely open up to.

Nearly everyone has an identity issue with their own appearance. Don't let that hold you back. Women are capable of compassion too.

Just re-read my post from several years ago making me feel disappointed and depressed again. Nothing has changed. I still don't feel I'm worthy of anyone's unconditional love yet I'm still hoping it will happen. Loneliness consumes me yet I make sure everyone else only see my "untroubled" persona.

Life doesn't really have much of a purpose. I suppose we all have to find our own purpose in life. We're unwillingly born into this world. Some of us have it better than others. Life's unfair. Always will be.
I'm in the same position as yourself, so sadly, I can't offer much advice. I always wonder if there really are answers or do we just make them up.

There's no unconditional love just like there's no free lunch. If you want something, you have to make an effort to make it, and preserve it.

Self acceptence...Love yourself unconditionally. All of you.....the good , the bad ..ect
Learn how to be your own guiding light....This way you wont be dependent on outside
conditions or other people for your happiness.

If you're dependent for other people to be happy first or dpenedent on outside conditions
for you own happiness...by default you have given your own powers and given
other people power over your life.....
In other words,.,,you're reacting to life instead of being proactive.

At the sametime by generating positive feelings within yourself first. You'll attract more
positive people, places, things and situations into your life....But you must keep your own light or
flame lit....Let go of the loneliness.

Yes look out for number one...follow your own hopes and dreams.
Let go of the guilt. Take care of yourself first and foremost.
It's not selffish to do so.....

Of course you wanna work on other people or tell other people to get thier honeysuckle straight.
This way you dont have to work on yourself...

perfanoff said:

There's no unconditional love just like there's no free lunch. If you want something, you have to make an effort to make it, and preserve it.

Click to expand...

I disagree that there is no unconditional love. I have unconditional love for every person and animal on this planet - except one ... myself.

Lonesome Crow said:

Self acceptence...Love yourself unconditionally. All of you.....the good , the bad ..ect
Learn how to be your own guiding light....This way you wont be dependent on outside conditions or other people for your happiness.

If you're dependent for other people to be happy first or dpenedent on outside conditions for you own happiness...by default you have given your own powers and given other people power over your life.....
In other words,.,,you're reacting to life instead of being proactive.

At the sametime by generating positive feelings within yourself first. You'll attract more positive people, places, things and situations into your life....But you must keep your own light or flame lit....Let go of the loneliness.

Click to expand...

You are right in that I have surrendered my life, my power, to others. Thus the reason I have given up. My reason for living is to give love to others, yet I am unworthy of receiving it. In this selfish society it used to make me happy to give but my generosity has never been reciprocated and now I am tired of giving. It's all I've ever known as I never learned to receive. Even from myself.

Whenever i feel like giving up , ( i did feel when heartbreak happened) i think about this game " the god of war" "kratos" , i imagine i am kratos , then i feel powerful again.This is a thinking like a man child but it works for me.Play this game series and let me know how you feel.

If you dont have a playstation , then it is another problem.Then wait for cloud computing reaching homes.