26 year-old socially isolated male

[Perplexed34]

Hello everyone,

I finally think I found a place with like minded people. I am a 26 year-old graduate student who is mastering in electrical engineering. When I was a kid in primary school, I had to switch schools two times due to being bullied by a mentally disabled child, then due to a teacher who was obsessed with me and beat me repeatedly. These things together with my father's blissful ignorance leaded me to develop low self-esteem and extreme shyness. I am still struggling in my social life and non-existent private life.

My high-school years and university years were also similar; I lacked the social circle most of my friends had, but I was pretty successful academically. Males did not respect me and females just blatantly ignored me throughout these periods. I have been to mental health counselors many times, but they only prescribed medicines and most of them were unable to understand the hardships I was going through. For example they did not think it was possible that someone can have no one to have lunch with and/or no romantic/sexual opportunities. I used many psychiatric drugs, mostly SSRI. Gradually I developed IBS, stomach indigestion problems, gastritis and GERD.

Also I was not a part of any social circle or a group of friends, they just ignored me. One of my oldest friends was a hardcore narcissist and just nourished from my insecurities. He was also mocking me for my social incompetence and total failure with girls. However, I had felt the need to confide in this guy and he used literally everything against me later. We are barely on speaking terms now. In the previous year I also experienced some reciprocated romance for the first time, before I had a severe crush on a girl in my high school. I did not understand the signs she was interested in me at first and began the relationship really late. In the relationship due to these SSRIs, the girl's insecurities and lack of respect etc. I had erectile dysfunction from the start which messed up everything. I should also mention here that I had severe porn consumption before and I still look at images. Furthermore, I have been to several escorts and brothels to quench my desire. The romance started three months after I had met this girl and lasted for 1.5 months. Later she ghosted on me and stringed me along for some time and I tried to be friends.

After this incident I found an escort and went to her a total of 6 times. Now I have made up my mind not to visit escorts again and seek a relationship. However, I am very inhibited around woman and I find it hard to interpret their signals of interest. Lately I probably missed a potential girlfriend due to acting weird. I was reluctant at first, but I built some rapport and invited her out 3 times. Now she is no longer answering anything I send her.

I tried connecting with former friends from high school, but failed in that too. Maybe you will think I am very sedentary, yet the situation is quite the opposite. In my free time I hit the gym, go boxing, sailing and dancing. I also tried various socialization opportunities such as dance classes, language classes etc. but failed in all of them. As far as I am concerned I can also be classified as love-shy. I really appreciate any comments and feedback.

 

[afternoonlight]

Your teacher was beating you??? Which country are you from that a teacher is beating a child???
I think you are still very young and you still have much hope and future. But in order to find a real relationship with a woman, you must stop with obsessively whatching porn and going to escort girls, it can fresia you up totally regarding developing normal relationship...

 

[Lacrecia]

Our teachers used to beat us all the time in primary school. Since it was considered sort of 'normal' for the education of children, i guess the kids were not as traumatized because of it. we all had our turns

welcome to ALL

 

[Forsaken-Knight]

Your teacher was beating you??? Which country are you from that a teacher is beating a child???
I think you are still very young and you still have much hope and future. But in order to find a real relationship with a woman, you must stop with obsessively whatching porn and going to escort girls, it can fresia you up totally regarding developing normal relationship...

I agree...and I would also like to know the country where it is acceptable to beat the children....

Have you tried counseling or therapy? That would be my suggestion..

 

[Perplexed34]

Our teachers used to beat us all the time in primary school. Since it was considered sort of 'normal' for the education of children, i guess the kids were not as traumatized because of it. we all had our turns

welcome to ALL

I think it's never normal and in addition to that I was bullied by my peers and I have no connection to people from primary school. I have them only as Facebook friends.

 

[Lacrecia]

I dont either thus the Inverted commas for 'normal'
My peers used to avoid me mainly because they thought I was a freak. Which was ok, i had time to daydream.

 

[Perplexed34]

Your teacher was beating you??? Which country are you from that a teacher is beating a child???
I think you are still very young and you still have much hope and future. But in order to find a real relationship with a woman, you must stop with obsessively whatching porn and going to escort girls, it can fresia you up totally regarding developing normal relationship...

I am actually optimistic, yet I have a huge libido although I may experience sexual problems at times. I am also a member on the Reboot Nation community and have completed 90 days of PMO. However, I occasionally glimpse at porn and it's substitutes. For escorts I have spent a huge amount of money and I am doing my best to quit this habit of mine. Regular masturbation or even watching porn in the past was not able to satisfy me. I tried counselling yet they gave up on me. The psychiatrist told me not to call him or book sessions anymore and the female psychologist was too full of herself and told me to see escorts till I marry. To this day. I tried various antidepressants along with counseling but it did not work. I mean apart from girlfriends I do not have friends either. I do not know what is wrong as I have been participating lots of activities and pay active effort to make friends.

 

[constant stranger]

Experiences with women you pay for aren't going to put you in practice for an authentic relationship. You say that you didn't understand the signs a lady was giving you? That doesn't mean you have to stay that out of touch. I was in your place I'd probably be looking at ladies who were in one of the engineering fields, become acquainted in gathering places where the grad students congregate, have something to talk about that you all have in common......maybe gossip about the profs or something. OK, don't over think things, if you and one of these lady brainiacs have good chemistry (..the personal kind..) and she's interested, she'll let you know.

"Acting weird"? Only you can know what you mean by that; whatever it is, try not to keep doing it. I'd also be upfront about not knowing much about man/woman relationships and I think I'd keep the escort/brothel thing to myself......at least until after some version of relationship becomes mutually agreed on.

 

[Perplexed34]

Experiences with women you pay for aren't going to put you in practice for an authentic relationship. You say that you didn't understand the signs a lady was giving you? That doesn't mean you have to stay that out of touch. I was in your place I'd probably be looking at ladies who were in one of the engineering fields, become acquainted in gathering places where the grad students congregate, have something to talk about that you all have in common......maybe gossip about the profs or something. OK, don't over think things, if you and one of these lady brainiacs have good chemistry (..the personal kind..) and she's interested, she'll let you know.

"Acting weird"? Only you can know what you mean by that; whatever it is, try not to keep doing it. I'd also be upfront about not knowing much about man/woman relationships and I think I'd keep the escort/brothel thing to myself......at least until after some version of relationship becomes mutually agreed on.

Yeah I keep it to myself except a few close friends. I really do not understand much social dynamics why sharing that you have been to an escort are frowned upon or drives people away from you?

Psychology is one of my hobbies that I am amateurishly interested in and this is a nice topic to talk to with women. My last girlfriend was actually a psychology student in the same university with me, yet she failed to understand me I also made the mistake of confiding in her that she was my first girlfriend when she asked me how weird I acted. Back then(like 11 months ago) I was on rent near the university campus, so I could accommodate her easily.

Now I met a sociology major(friend of friend) from the same university and she was really interested in me at first, but now it seems to have died down. At first I walked her to her office, but failed to get her phone number. Two days later she added me on Facebook, but I messaged her three days later and she was on vacation. We had our first coffee 14 days after meeting and later we had a small date going for a walk in the forest where we were alone and I was aroused by her. I did not act on it though, thinking it would be inappropriate and regretted it later on. She took some photos of us together. All of my friends say that I should have made a kiss close. Then we talked for some time she went to her home city came back and I took her to another festival, yet she came with somewhat not dressed nicely hinting me that probably she only saw me as a friend. She took some photos of me and that is it. Now she did not return my text and I think her ex boyfriend or someone like that is also in the picture.

Regarding meeting women in engineering we have very few women almost all taken and the other ones are from eastern countries where dating is frowned upon. I might have messed up myself by watching porn since the age of 14 and going to escorts since the age of 23. Now I extended my duration of master's study which is also a problem.

 

[Perplexed34]

Your teacher was beating you??? Which country are you from that a teacher is beating a child???
I think you are still very young and you still have much hope and future. But in order to find a real relationship with a woman, you must stop with obsessively whatching porn and going to escort girls, it can fresia you up totally regarding developing normal relationship...

Turkey, how can escort girls and porn fresia me up in terms of the skills needed to develop a relationship? I am usually too meek when it comes to girls and I cannot get physical or confess my interest in them.

What is your opinion about male friends? Why can I not have any? Furthermore, I am never invited to weddings or that sort of things although I have regular contact with the girl/guy in the wedding. What might be the reason for that?

 

[Droopy]

Our teachers used to beat us all the time in primary school. Since it was considered sort of 'normal' for the education of children, i guess the kids were not as traumatized because of it. we all had our turns

welcome to ALL

lol wth

more peeps from the UK

 

[Droopy]

I think looking for escorts instead of trying to learn to love yourself will only make things worse.

 

[Perplexed34]

I think looking for escorts instead of trying to learn to love yourself will only make things worse.

I am trying my best to learn to love myself for what I am and I have been refraining from escorts lately, but it results in verbal outpouring to whom I find close to(usually a family member) in me.

 

[Serenia]

Welcome to the forum. Maybe the longer you stay away from Escorts and not excessive porn, you might find you read the real signals better.

 

[Perplexed34]

Welcome to the forum.  Maybe the longer you stay away from Escorts and not excessive porn, you might find you read the real signals better.

I am not visiting any escorts and resisting the temptation to do so no matter how hard it is. I am also avoiding any porn and substitutes; I would also quit masturbating so I can become horny enough to seek a release elsewhere. I think I might have messed up my last potential girlfriend by moving a bit too slow too.

 

[mack01]

Out of curiosity, what dance lessons did you do, and how did that experience go? Also, how long did you keep on going for? I ask because I believe that depending on what you want socially, some types of lessons are definitely more suitable than others.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Welcome to the forum, Perplexed34. Hope you'll find what you're looking for here.

 

[madl024]

Hello everyone,

I finally think I found a place with like minded people. I am a 26 year-old graduate student who is mastering in electrical engineering. When I was a kid in primary school, I had to switch schools two times due to being bullied by a mentally disabled child, then due to a teacher who was obsessed with me and beat me repeatedly. These things together with my father's blissful ignorance leaded me to develop low self-esteem and extreme shyness. I am still struggling in my social life and non-existent private life.

My high-school years and university years were also similar; I lacked the social circle most of my friends had, but I was pretty successful academically. Males did not respect me and females just blatantly ignored me throughout these periods. I have been to mental health counselors many times, but they only prescribed medicines and most of them were unable to understand the hardships I was going through. For example they did not think it was possible that someone can have no one to have lunch with and/or no romantic/sexual opportunities. I used many psychiatric drugs, mostly SSRI. Gradually I developed IBS, stomach indigestion problems, gastritis and GERD.

Also I was not a part of any social circle or a group of friends, they just ignored me. One of my oldest friends was a hardcore narcissist and just nourished from my insecurities. He was also mocking me for my social incompetence and total failure with girls. However, I had felt the need to confide in this guy and he used literally everything against me later. We are barely on speaking terms now. In the previous year I also experienced some reciprocated romance for the first time, before I had a severe crush on a girl in my high school. I did not understand the signs she was interested in me at first and began the relationship really late. In the relationship due to these SSRIs, the girl's insecurities and lack of respect etc. I had erectile dysfunction from the start which messed up everything. I should also mention here that I had severe porn consumption before and I still look at images.  Furthermore, I have been to several escorts and brothels to quench my desire. The romance started three months after I had met this girl and lasted for 1.5 months. Later she ghosted on me and stringed me along for some time and I tried to be friends.

After this incident I found an escort and went to her a total of 6 times. Now I have made up my mind not to visit escorts again and seek a relationship. However, I am very inhibited around woman and I find it hard to interpret their signals of interest. Lately I probably missed a potential girlfriend due to acting weird. I was reluctant at first, but I built some rapport and invited her out 3 times. Now she is no longer answering anything I send her.

I tried connecting with former friends from high school, but failed in that too. Maybe you will think I am very sedentary, yet the situation is quite the opposite. In my free time I hit the gym, go boxing, sailing and dancing. I also tried various socialization opportunities such as dance classes, language classes etc. but failed in all of them. As far as I am concerned I can also be classified as love-shy. I really appreciate any comments and feedback.

Hi !

I am a 24 years old, female and I am a teacher. It makes me sad to hear your experienced about your teacher beating you up during your primary school. I understand the effect of it to a very young mind.

Maybe try finding new things that will satisfy your interest and curiosity. I'm sure finding new friends and companions will make you feel better. Do not focus on udnerstanding the signal about women because it is a very complicated thing. (And I am sure about that, hehehe).

I hope you'll be able to overcome the difficulties that you are experienceing right now.

Have a nice day!

 

[van0994]

Maybe you can start talking to random person or people that you have eye contact with. It starts with a simple hi and then if they are into you they will reply back but going to talk to old friends isin't a good start. Making new friends like at the gym or your boxing classes is not easy if your not the type to do that but its a start toward people that does the same thing as you do. Ask them how long theve been going there and there name and why... or not, it's up to you.