35 year old kissless, hand hold-less virgin man who has never heard of a girl/woman liking him in any way.

[TheSkaFish]

I have to ask, do you realistically believe that's all there was to them? Or did you most likely notice things that you don't like about them?
Not that I like those types of people myself. But the likelihood is that rejection was very existent to them. When you are in a setting (like school, sports, parties, some workplaces, etc) it's easier to have an apparent "confidence" that is really just force and aggression to get what you want. What people talk and are loud about, often isn't what is their reality elsewhere. Of course, I know nothing about the people you grew up with. But these are observations I have about people I did.

(I think) I understand what you're saying. But no, as far as I remember, they really did always get who they wanted. And yes, after spending day after day, year after year around these people, I really do think that's what they were like. There was never anything to indicate otherwise. They weren't hard-working and careful people, because life didn't force them to be. And things just worked out for them anyway.

The "confidence" probably was just force and aggression though, like Dudley Dursley in Harry Potter ("36? But last year, last year I had 37!").

I mean, I guess it's not really relevant anymore what people that I wasn't friends with (and wouldn't have really enjoyed being friends with anyway) were like in the early '00s. But at the same time, I think it gave me a false impression that life should be a lot easier than it really is. I was always confused because life was so easy for them, but seemed so impossible for me. They tripped, stumbled, and fell into a good life, while my default settings weren't good enough on their own, and I have to work my ass off and get everything right, and even then it still might not be good enough. We may have lived in the same neighborhood but were playing the game of life on vastly different difficulty settings.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

But whyyy she’ll give you companionship for better living conditions that you dont have to pay for, wouldnt you feel good about that?

I'm slightly confused, Cenotaph. What do you mean by better living conditions?

 

[Forgottendanfan]

But my point here is he is not a 35+ virgin

Wow. Thanks for making me feel like I'm the lowest of the low.

 

[okidoke]

I find most men hideous I can still love them though someone said it doesnt matter what a man looks like thats not particularly where his value lies


But if you knew deep down she was not attracted to you but she was willing to be with you, would that work? Like maybe because she wants to live in your country

Being not attracted to and thinking someone is hideous is two different things. How hideous is this new man of yours btw? Hmmm?

 

[Forgottendanfan]

I think it's a mix.

The "cool kids" I remember, definitely did not consciously work on themselves. Some of them were athletic and lifted but a lot of them were fat and beer-bellied. They only cared about stuff like drinking, weed and other drugs, whatever rap artists were popular at the time, professional sports, and sex with "hot girls", and that was really it. Rejection was non-existent to them, and something that happened to other people, "uncool" people.

What I think helped them though, was being born to naturally big bodies, and professional parents. So that right there made them instantly able to play the protector/provider male gender role, by default, without having to do anything else. That's probably why they were able to get girlfriends without thinking or changing themselves, because they were born on third base. It's easy to be confident when you're naturally bigger than everyone else, and when you get money just for existing. Then you make friends with like-minded people with similar lifestyles and personalities, and you have your inside jokes to give you more confidence and a sense of exclusive group membership. They didn't have to do anything differently than what they were already doing because of what they were born as, in order to play their role.

It seemed to me like they didn't care about anything and were always high. It was still "cool" to be kind of a hippie/pothead back then. I tried smoking weed too, albeit for different reasons, but I thought it might work, I thought it might make me a "partier". But without the naturally big body or the professional background, it did not - even with the car. Without the body and background, my default settings were not enough.

What I think would have helped me though, is to just ignore the people that are born on third base and playing life with the cheats on. I thought we were all the same because we all lived in the same area at roughly the same level but I guess it really wasn't. I was playing on hard mode, while they were hacking. But, it would have helped to understand that I wouldn't have been happy in their world anyway.

Some good insight there, my friend. Thanks.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

with two thousands pounds a month you get a fine chick and live a decent life here ... think of this @Forgottendanfan ... edit: one thousand is the minimum

No thanks. I'll pass.

 

[okidoke]

No thanks. I'll pass.

Why would you pass though?

 

[Forgottendanfan]

Why would you pass though?

Like I've said numerous times, I refuse to pay for romance and/or intimacy. If I can't meet someone naturally I'd rather not bother.

 

[okidoke]

Like I've said numerous times, I refuse to pay for romance and/or intimacy. If I can't meet someone naturally I'd rather not bother.

Sorry I think I misunderstood cherunbino’s comment. I thought he meant living there would only cost you that much and you could easily attract a nice woman.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Wow. Thanks for making me feel like I'm the lowest of the low.

Noo I was saying he solved the problem of being a older virgin not that you are below anything so thats my full proof solution for a one way ticket to vag town

Being not attracted to and thinking someone is hideous is two different things. How hideous is this new man of yours btw? Hmmm?

Dans playing nice with me so lol I wont derail his thread

 

[TheSkaFish]

Some good insight there, my friend. Thanks.

Sure, yeah. If I could go back in time I would have told myself, ignore the dudebros/"cool kids", and the "hot girls" too - they're playing the game on different difficulty settings, with different objectives. If I try to play the game like them, it won't work for me because my background and personality weren't the same, therefore I don't have the prerequisites that allows you to play the game of life that way.

They were coasting, while I had to build up my default settings that weren't good enough to play my role - as insulting as all hell as that is - just to be a normal person, just to establish myself because I just wasn't born with the body or the money. I was comparing myself to people that had already "arrived" at birth. That's why life was easy for them but seemed impossible for me.

I've never really agreed with the idea of not comparing yourself to others/"being grateful for what you have", because sometimes what you have just isn't enough. But it's more like, it wouldn't have done me any good to focus on how angry it made me that the dudebros had easy lives, and could get any girl they wanted, and I couldn't. Sure, it sucks, but there's nothing I can do about anything until I get a strength of my own.

And at the same time, I wouldn't have really enjoyed those people or that world anyway, so in a sense it's like, what am I so angry about? It's like sure they shut me out, and I was angry and insulted by that, but at the same time, just like nightclubs themselves, it's like, I'm only being shut out of something I wouldn't enjoy anyway. So it's not much of a loss. All I really like about the "cool kid" lifestyle is the ease at which everything just comes to you - but I don't really like their style, music, personalities, the culture. It all screams arrogance, and self-congratulation for being lucky. And it's just boring. I don't belong there. And if all I like about someone is looks, that's not enough to really go on.

If I just blocked the "cool kids" out and got tunnel vision on moving up in the world, I would have been happier.

---

PS:
If I could block out the news, and anti-capitalism politics, I'd be happier too, but that one is a little harder for me. Capitalism really gets me down, just really snuffs out my interest/curiosity/excitement/passion/enthusiasm/optimism/care for anything and replaces it with anger, despair, pessimism, negativity, frustration, humiliation, powerlessness and apathy.

 

[okidoke]

Noo I was saying he solved the problem of being a older virgin not that you are below anything so thats my full proof solution for a one way ticket to vag town


Dans playing nice with me so lol I wont derail his thread

I smell irony in the air

 

[Forgottendanfan]

Sorry I think I misunderstood cherunbino’s comment. I thought he meant living there would only cost you that much and you could easily attract a nice woman.

Oh, my mistake. In any case, I'm also not prepared to uproot and leave my home country for the sake of finding a woman. It shouldn't need to work like that.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

Noo I was saying he solved the problem of being a older virgin not that you are below anything so thats my full proof solution for a one way ticket to vag town


Dans playing nice with me so lol I wont derail his thread

No worries. And I always play nice.

 

[okidoke]

Oh, my mistake. In any case, I'm also not prepared to uproot and leave my home country for the sake of finding a woman. It shouldn't need to work like that.

“Shouldn’t”? There is no rules where love or happiness is concerned. This is another limitation you put on yourself. I’ve said this before on this site; some people don’t want to make the effort to change their situation. They think everything is just supposed to come to them naturally and get annoyed when it doesn’t. Is that you?

 

[user 190541]

There is way too much scamming and fake profiles on such sites, especially apps, and as for paid sex, here at least, the escorts who are of any decent standard charge exorbitant prices. You have to be making good coin to afford a decent escort.

In my experience dating apps are OK. Nothing strange ever happened to me because of them, and I met plenty of girls because of them.

Actually, I decided to follow advice here and resume my women-seeking activites. Not with too much enthusiasm as I'm still a bit down due to past experiences, but already I matched with a cool girl with whom I chatted for a bit. Maybe we'll meet sunday, we're still figuring out the details.

Maybe "who cares" was just the spirit of the '90s and early '00s, and it's different/worse now. I don't know.

It's definitely worse now, and this is coming from a younger person. Though, I wouldn't say that the spirit of the times has changed much in that regard, but I'm sure it will. It already is.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

In my experience dating apps are OK. Nothing strange ever happened to me because of them, and I met plenty of girls because of them.

Actually, I decided to follow advice here and resume my women-seeking activites. Not with too much enthusiasm as I'm still a bit down due to past experiences, but already I matched with a cool girl with whom I chatted for a bit. Maybe we'll meet sunday, we're still figuring out the details.



It's definitely worse now, and this is coming from a younger person. Though, I wouldn't say that the spirit of the times has changed much in that regard, but I'm sure it will. It already is.

Good for you. Hope it works out.

 

[user 139760]

I'm curious to know what you deduced about this chap.

Well, it was many things I don't feel like going into detail much. But bottom line is, he was entitled, refused to take any responsibility for his actions, blamed others for his failings and made wimen responsible for his situation. Women aren't idiots; if you're condescending and you expect them to think they owe you something, it carries into the conversation. He didn't take an interest in THEM; he just expected to get attention because he was hot honeysuckle. Doesn't work like that.
Among other things. I know in my case, a 20 minute conversation was more than enough.

 

[user 190541]

Well, it was many things I don't feel like going into detail much. But bottom line is, he was entitled, refused to take any responsibility for his actions, blamed others for his failings and made wimen responsible for his situation. Women aren't idiots; if you're condescending and you expect them to think they owe you something, it carries into the conversation. He didn't take an interest in THEM; he just expected to get attention because he was hot honeysuckle. Doesn't work like that.
Among other things. I know in my case, a 20 minute conversation was more than enough.

Maybe he had autism or something like that. It's possible, I think.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Maybe he had autism or something like that. It's possible, I think.

Lots of things are possible. But why autism?