36 and lonely.

[BlueArtist]

Now this has probably come up a lot here seeing that this is a place for likeminded people. Sorry if this is a very lengthy read.

A bit more about myself: I'll say that I fall in a low- to mid income profession, and it is extremely difficult to find decent, well paying work due to the current economic and political landscape of the country, even with my university education. I can't afford my own place anymore since I lost my job 4 years ago and had to sell my home and since then it was just surviving from day to day renting a room in someone else's house.

My problem:I've been single my entire life, not for a lack of trying though. My family were never rich but we survived and had food on the table, but it seemed that this were always held against me when I tried to get into a relationship with someone I liked.

When I ask someone out stuff such as, and this was actually said to me: "I would rather like a much older guy, who can buy me a convertible" or "I met someone else, he have 3 houses and is driving a Porsche"

Over the years this have become a serious problem for me, at least I see it as a problem, my self esteem to a beating to a point that there aren't much left of it. Whenever I meet someone I like, we go out a few times then they just disappear without a word. I've began showing problems of depression the last 3 years 4 months ago it went into a full-blown state of depression that friends sent me to a Psychiatrist.

I've always received compliments from people, mostly women that they think I'm a great guy, good looking bla bla bla! You get the drift. But the moment I tend to get serious about someone I like, I get brushed off within a heartbeat.

I have come at a stage that I'm the only one left in my friend circles that is single, heck my friends don't even have single friends other than me that they can introduce me to.

And finally I thought that this was all over and have finally met the one woman that didn't care about how much I earn, what job I have or where I live. But in the end she did the same when I became serious about more than just being friends and again like all the rest she began ignoring me. I'm tired and maybe I should just accept that I have to prepare myself for another 36 years by myself, I'm seriously doubting myself and think that maybe there is something wrong with me.

 

[kamya]

You might just be asking out the wrong girls. Maybe this will help explain things?
http://www.pagef30.com/2011/01/survey-68-of-men-would-date-unemployed.html
This should be taken with a bit of salt. Their pool didn't include that many people. I used to have a better more scientific study about this but I've lost it. Maybe someone else knows of it?

You aren't unemployed but you see what I'm saying?

I guess once we reach a certain age, we are expected to have our own house/apartment. If we don't it just gets in the way of serious relationships I guess. It doesn't make it impossible though, just a little more difficult.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Do you have a car?

 

[BlueArtist]

Yes, I have my own car, thank goodness a car is atleast 1/10 of the price of a house here otherwise I would have to walk where ever I go.

 

[kamya]

From what I've seen on the craigslist ads for my area. (which makes this totally the most credible research ever) If you are over 20 and want a serious relationship you are expected to have a job or be in school, have a car, have a house, preferably have no kids of your own, be ok with her kids, be drug/smoke free, have no STDs. Oh and make sure you send a picture. Unless you can fill all of these requirements, you will have a hard time. Things like interests and personality are an afterthought.

I just gather that 90% of the men posting on craigslist are your typical scumbags, and 90% of the women are gold diggers or are looking for someone to take care of their kids.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I just gather that 90% of the men posting on craigslist are your typical scumbags,

Yep

 

[paulo]

i thought craigslist was for selling stuff.
i hope im wrong, selling scumbags doesnt sound verry pleasant.

why would you want a woman you have to support and take care off like a little child.
your deffinetely meeting the wrong kind of women.
the kind you dont want anyway.

my woman would have to be able to take care of herself.
id never let her pay for anything though, and she`ll kick my ass and pay anyway if she wanted to
but than again, im single

 

[ShybutHi]

I am sort of in the same situation in some ways although a bit younger, im 25. I rent a room, jobs are scarce where I live but luckily I get by ok. Have been depressed for around about 9 years now, thought about suicide many times. I have also been single my entire life and literally 99% of my friends are in relationships whether long term, married or what have you. I wouldnt even know where to start when it comes to women but I am incredibly unattractive so that doesnt even matter.

I get anxious about things quite often, get stressed out alot by situations that I am unfamiliar with and am generally a very reserved shy kind of person (even though im a musician who plays in a band). I am a ghost who just wanders through life.... No one notices me there, no one ever tries to make conversation (its not like I dont try to with others though) and no one ever visits me.

Most of the time I just sit in my room playing/listening to music and doing things on my computer... not much drive to alot anymore, any will of life is slowely fading out of existance.


I will try a few questions just to hopefully help you reflect incase you are doing something that is a turnoff (BTW this advice is probably total rubbish as I am terrible with women lol)
Maybe they are turning you down due to general attitude. Do you smile much and create a bit of chit chat or are your dates usually alot more formal? Body language has alot to do with it I think aswell, try to portray a confident person in your body language. Try not to talk too much about yourself, ask questions and be genuinly interested in the person, afterall you could eventually be spending a long time with them, you never know.


Anyway, I hope you find someone, you seem like (as far as internet text goes) a sincere and nice person.

 

[Ak5]

"In richness and in poverty" at least I think that's how it goes.

Some girls can be shallow, but don't give up! You have a university education, an achievement many do not have; in the present economic crisis, you gotta continue working and be thankful for any job that you have.

When getting serious, be sure to keep it relaxed too.

Good luck.

 

[Chasm]

From what I've seen on the craigslist ads for my area. (which makes this totally the most credible research ever) If you are over 20 and want a serious relationship you are expected to have a job or be in school, have a car, have a house, preferably have no kids of your own, be ok with her kids, be drug/smoke free, have no STDs. Oh and make sure you send a picture. Unless you can fill all of these requirements, you will have a hard time. Things like interests and personality are an afterthought.

I just gather that 90% of the men posting on craigslist are your typical scumbags, and 90% of the women are gold diggers or are looking for someone to take care of their kids.

n solve the world peace problem?
so demanding financially
but wut ive noticed is that anywhere online thats free?
attracts ppl who cant afford 2 pay 4 things
that would xplain the type of women there
they R looking 4 men that can cover them $wise
its about survival i suppose

---

as 4 op
try more educ8d women
sounds like ur hitting the bottom of the totem pole
women who r just trying 2 survive materialwise r going 2 "shop" 4 men 2 help them with that
but educ8d established women wont b so demanding about wut u have
just as long as u can "make up" 4 ur level in other ways
n they can c ur TRYING 2 better urself

 

[Lost Drifter]

Welcome to the battlefield that is dating in your thirties; from one veteran to the next I salute you my friend.

You know what sucks? That as children we’re told that if we behave and work hard, if we do our homework and complete our chores, then somehow we’ll be rewarded with promising futures with an abundance of wealth. Alas when adulthood comes, and we find ourselves stuck in a dead end job, eating microwave meals for one in our dreary rented homes on the wrong side of the tracks, we feel cheated and start to ask where we went wrong. The thing is we didn’t go wrong, we did our best but those childhood promises were lies and bribes, we did our homework but the world didn’t do hers, we completed our chores though unfairness and injustice meant that our lazy cheating siblings received all the praise. What a swindle right? But what I’m trying to say within this convoluted mess is that you sound like a decent fellow who’s fallen on hard times. Losing your job and having to rent accommodation doesn’t make you a bad person, if anything it makes you normal, things like that happen to most of us so stop being too hard on yourself for starters.

As for women, it makes me laugh. I know so many single thirty-somethings desperate for someone in their lives yet the second a nice guy comes along they’ll all complain about what car he drives, how he doesn’t look like a supermodel, how he doesn’t own a massive house with indoor pool and matching three piece suite. They obsess over the negatives (though you can hardly call them that) without seeing the positives and then wonder why they’re sat home alone looking for a date. I am generalising here of course, not all women are like that, but just like some men are douches, some women are too. Look up the little princess phenomenon sometime, (I came close to marrying one) women who expect men to run around serving them, paying all the bills, buying them gifts, basically working their socks off to give them this fantasy lifestyle in return for pretty much nothing other than to say you’ve got a wife. Now that’s a raw deal.

I’m dubious as to where you are looking and what standards you are abiding to. The women you mentioned all sound like trash and I urge you to think more carefully next time. In all honesty I’d give dating sites a try; it won’t guarantee you success but can introduce you to different women gradually allowing you to build up an idea of all the different possibilities out there and what traits to seek out and which to avoid. You can spend a good amount of time writing to women and getting to know them before taking things further. I apologise if I come across as rude, I don’t mean to sound like I consider women as objects or commodities, but ******** exist in both genders and it annoys me when I hear of genuinely fantastic people out there feeling alone when many others are in the exact same situation.

Don’t give up my friend, don’t feel like you’ve failed in any way, I know how hard our society bullies us into following the masses and makes us feel bad for not having the same as our neighbours but stick to your guns and work a different approach. You’ll get there in the end I promise.

 

[kamya]

I hope I stay in my 20s forever @.@

 

[fuzzybutt]

From what I've seen on the craigslist ads for my area. (which makes this totally the most credible research ever) If you are over 20 and want a serious relationship you are expected to have a job or be in school, have a car, have a house, preferably have no kids of your own, be ok with her kids, be drug/smoke free, have no STDs. Oh and make sure you send a picture. Unless you can fill all of these requirements, you will have a hard time. Things like interests and personality are an afterthought.

Well I probably don't live in your area but reading that hurts. I am 22, have no car or place of my own. The rest I fulfill though. But it would really suck if relationships had to start based on what material possessions you have.

 

[jjam]

I hope I stay in my 20s forever @.@

I used to tell folks I was in my 20s in response to "how old are you?" That was through much of my 20s (at least the second half). It kind of sucks that I can't do that anymore...

 

[IgnoredOne]

I used to tell folks I was in my 20s in response to "how old are you?" That was through much of my 20s (at least the second half). It kind of sucks that I can't do that anymore...

People who see me think I'm 19, people who hear me think I'm 40.

 

[BlueArtist]

Well I'm always polite, call me a gentleman and old fashioned but that is the way I was raised that one should respect woman. I ask questions about them, what they like to do and their ambitions in life, just so I can get to know them a little better and show them I'm interested in them. Talk some about myself, never too much, but I never brag though, not that I have much to brag about. I always offer to pay a bill when we go out but if she insists that she pays her share I let them, unless it is for a special occasion that I've invited them somewhere, for instance their birthday. My general knowledge is quite extensive since I enjoy reading about almost everything. For instance if they have travelled somewhere I can usually hold a conversation regarding the place even if I was never there myself. I'm never rude, but I can stand my own regarding certain values I have and show that I'm not just going along for a ride and that I have a mind of my own.

I always make sure that I look good for a date, even if we are only going out for a cup of coffee on a weekend. I'm really wracking my brains why over the last 23 years I never were able to get into a serious relationship with any woman, other than just ending up being a friend, even the ones that knew I cared about them.

And it doesn't help that woman always mistake me for almost 8 years younger than I truly am. LOL, when I was 33, my brother and I was asked for our identification when buying a beer at a pub, he was 25 at that time, legal age for drinking over here is 18.

 

[kinzeUK]

To blueartist and lostdrifter; you are both awesome, such great posts

Can I relate to what both of you are saying?

Hell yes.

Can I do much about my state of affairs?

Ermm.......well........not really. Am far too depressed and low in myself to do much of anything. I'm not sure if I'm grateful to see another christmas or not to be totally honest. I'll say yes because of my parents who mean everything to me. But I don't know how many more christmases I have left with them (my mum is terminally ill with cancer and my dad, well he's just in poor health and diabetic)

honeysuckle. I didn't mean to go on here.

As you were, gentleman.....