47 Years old and afraid

[northoftheborder]

I'm not "lonely" persay but i don't interact with people like i used to.

I no longer go out on weekends to be social, no longer search out friendships, no longer have any real family to call and say hello to barring a few that we toss comments to every now and then on facebook. I have a 72 year old mother that lives 120km away and when she is gone let's just say any need for a home phone will be gone as well since it doesn't ring from anyone else but her calling.

I have always been a bit of an introvert and got out of that for a decade or so and was very social..now it seems i am once again an introvert. I have taken week long vacations and literally not left the house aside from shopping and a few other necessities for the whole 9 days.

I do play online video games and find the mental escape of an MMO or RPG allows me some enjoyment. Its not an addiction and does not consume my life at all. I work 60 hours a week and rarely even touch anything like a game until Saturday or Sunday's.

What i am afraid of is life as i grow older. When mom is gone i have no connection left to my family at all. My father's side of the family basically ignored we existed after he died and my mothers side of the family doesnt speak to each other and any idea of reconciliations are long past. I have no brothers or Sisters and any close relationships i had growing up all have moved on with families of their own. I am not married and have no kids.

Just afraid i'll be one of those stories people read about in the papers when i grow old that a man was found dead 8 months after he passed away.

It just seems that outside the daily interaction i have after teaching safety courses to people , or my administrative duties and interacting with office staff all day i get home on weekends and Vacations and dont want human interaction...

can't figure out if its signs of depression starting to creep in which is not common but not unheard of in my family or if i am just a more "extreme" version of an introvert.. either way the fear of growing old alone is starting to hit.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You say you don't go out on weekends to be social or seek out friendships, but what about doing something else? Volunteering, clubs or groups that share one of your interests, there are so many options.
If you have a fear of growing old alone, then conquer that fear and don't grow old alone. Go out and find new people. It doesn't have to be bars or anything like that, it can be anything. Just put yourself in situations that you can meet new people and see where it goes.

Also, welcome to the forum

 

[Arachne]

First Bright Blessings and welcome to the forum..

You and I have some things in common. I also play mmo and rpgs something I do not often tell anyone about. Mainly because it is a escape for me from the lonely days. As someone who does suffer from depression and has for years it often starts with being an introvert especially when you are not seeking out real life experiences. You withdraw basically from life in a social aspect, yet you mask it greatly in your work routines and other family obligations.

If I may be so bold as to recommend seeking out a mental health professional or your local chapter of Canadian Mental health association. Everything is confidential and no one will judge you. It worked wonders on me to learn to control the fear and melancholy that came with it. Callie has also offered some great ideas.. It is not easy by any means but it can get better and not let you fall into the pit of dying alone. Pm if you like and I can help you further with starting your journey.. Blessed Be

 

[Nuke1967]

Hi there and welcome,I am around the same age and have very similar issues as well, my parents are both gone and my one sister is not easy to talk to, my brother has passed and other sister lives far a way, I have always been a introvert as well, what is odd me and my brother were not social at all and had issues with it, him even more than me, my sisters on the other hand were as social as you can get, and making groups of friends were easy for them.

I also play games as well, not as much as I used to, back in the 80's I got into a Dungeon and Dragons group, now it is mostly online gaming when I do play, I am seeing a counselor for depression and anxiety and taking medication, he is starting a group which I am on the list to join, which I was never was good talking to groups, speech in college had me almost in panic attacks at time when I had to give a speech,but I am going to give this a try.

Just to know your not alone dealing with these type of issues.

 

[Peaches]

What i am afraid of is life as i grow older. When mom is gone i have no connection left to my family at all. My father's side of the family basically ignored we existed after he died and my mothers side of the family doesnt speak to each other and any idea of reconciliations are long past. I have no brothers or Sisters and any close relationships i had growing up all have moved on with families of their own. I am not married and have no kids.

I know where you are, same here, my only relationship is a 75 years old mother, plus a bunch of acquaintances who wouldn't know (or care) if I was alive or dead if not for social media

Have you considered a) working less b) sharing a house with other people?

That sums up up my life plans too... Also I was planning to move into some kind of charity community so that I would have the equivalent of kids, maybe

 

[LonelySutton]

44 years old. The parents are dead. My brother only remembers I exist when he wants something.

My "friends" do not really care about me. When I stop working I could be in deep doop. But I feel a little like I don't care. Maybe I am nieve'. But I think that society likes to make us all terrified about being alone when, perhaps that is the way it should be/ was for millions of years. And -- we have the most amazing technology today.

If you ever read like a novel from years ago, say "Emma" from Jane Austen, of course humans and society was really required because there were no other options. But even then, Emma dealt with like 30 people in her whole life. Of course close friendships were needed and required. But today we have so much else to keep our minds running and and happy yet we still think we need to have friends and interact. And maybe, just maybe, you don't.

Now your saying, I don't want to to end up in my apartment eaten by my dog. But there are those "Lifeline" watches and things that you can get.. and they even detect falls if you are unable to press the button. There are plenty of people that live with people and died when their significant other wasn't home.

Sometimes I read a book on mindfulness or buddism and the entire religion seems to be about going inside yourself. You can just tell the entire thing comes from a place where you don't need other humans to be happy and content. Look into it.

 

[SofiasMami]

Hi there,
I worry about the same things too (I'm 43). I have a young daughter but she won't live with me forever, eventually, she'll spread her wings and become an adult. Other than her, I've no close blood relatives nearby.
Staying reclusively to yourself can become a vicious circle. You stay home because you don't have friends and don't feel confident in yourself, then you don't meet new friends or a support system so you're left with little to do except stay home and to yourself. In my experience it takes a great amount of courage and effort to break out of that circle. But it can be done. Even if you're not sure how, the answer is in you, you just have to tap into it somehow. Maybe try something for the first time. Or revisit something you liked doing when you were younger. I took up the violin a few years ago and playing it fills up the hole and chases away anxiety. Perhaps you can find what does the same for you.

-Teresa

 

[Eliraven]

What about getting a pet? It will make you feel like you are love and needed it... A cat, a dog, a hamster,a bird. Also, why doesn't your mom moves in with you. That's the best love you can ever have. Imagine getting home to your mom, which she cooked something you really liked and a little pet who can be like your son. The three of you can go everyday walking in a park and interact with really nice people (short & simple). Can go shopping together, go to cruises.

What about your hobbies. Do you like dancing?Take classes.Reading a book?Go to a library.If you like the beach you can go with your mom. All these things require interaction and can be done whenever you feel like socializing.

Search in your area for coffee shops or reunions of people that feel lonely like you or share he same hobbies. I'm pretty sure there is, since today we have the highest rate of single people. Search the internet, I'm pretty sure you would find lots of people with your same fears.

I know this may sound weird, but I have always being afraid with what happened after death since it is so unknown and I found a coffee shop about death where people go and talk about it. It really helps to know the different points of view and you find out you are not the only one who feels like this.

Plus, you have the people here on the forum. Anytime you want to talk about anything. Do it. We will be here for you cause we understand what is like to be lonely.

 

[LonesomeLoner]

Welcome to the forum. There are plenty of people in similar situations here.

 

[Paraiyar]

Maybe you should try not playing the MMOs for a month and see if anything changes. Those things can suck the energy out of people.

 

[ardour]

My "friends" do not really care about me. When I stop working I could be in deep doop. But I feel a little like I don't care. Maybe I am nieve'. But I think that society likes to make us all terrified about being alone when, perhaps that is the way it should be/ was for millions of years. And -- we have the most amazing technology today.

If you ever read like a novel from years ago, say "Emma" from Jane Austen, of course humans and society was really required because there were no other options. But even then, Emma dealt with like 30 people in her whole life. Of course close friendships were needed and required. But today we have so much else to keep our minds running and and happy yet we still think we need to have friends and interact. And maybe, just maybe, you don't.

We might feel that we can be happy or feel better off alone, but then, years down the track find that's no longer the case. So it's good to have people about and make the effort. It's good to stay social.

But at the same time I can understand how exhausting it can be after working a full week, along with all the inevitable disappointments, people who let you down etc.

 

[constant stranger]

I have an awful lot in common with you, notb. But I'm 62, Mom is 91 and we live in the same house. Dying alone and decomposing in my lazyboy chair is an ending that I'd rather avoid as well.

I'm in the friendship zone with 2 women who both have actual, functioning lives.....where that's going to go is the unknown . This site keeps me in some version of sanity so I'll be around here checking in from time to time. I hope to hear from you too.

 

[NewOrder2016]

I cant reach your age with your state, and my deteriorating state at age of 33.

40 is going to be as far as I would like to go..

I will figure a way to kill myself.