A Lonely Life (disturbing content)

[((stereo))]

Wow, you really sound like a sociopath. Ever heard of guys like Ted Bundy or Charles Manson, well they suffered similar delusions that you are expressing here. You must understand that when you believe everyone would be better off dead, you are merely projecting your own suffering onto them. I'm sure the vast majority of people you come in contact with enjoy their lives, while you alone suffer in this mental turmoil. My advice to you is change your mental process, stop bitching and thinking about all that is terrible in your life. Really, I spent a year in Cambodia, the way those poor people life is astounding, you my friend would be called a ***** by them. Now, how do we change our mental process? Stop trying to extract happiness from the external world! You must first calm yourself and remain centered, and realize that yes, life ******* sucks at times (I've been there, I almost killed myself, I can understand the sorrow you must have felt), but it can only get better once you've hit the point of debating suicide. As for your sociopathic tendencies of wanting to kill everyone, well, perhaps you are just mentally deranged. In which case, you shall life a lonesome life of anger and frustration which may foment into you actually murdering someone. Perhaps you will get lucky and be given capital punishment, which is what you secretly desire, right, to die? Anyways, it's all up to you bro, wallow in misery and contemplate murder like a ******* pervert, or face life. Either way, hope your killing spree or joyous life works out.. hope I life far far away from you.

 

[Callie]

well hey... glad your first post was to criticize and debase a person. Kudos to you.

 

[brokenwing]

*edited for content*

 

[whocares]

op is a troll.

 

[Felix]

Just ignore this post....if you don't want to be affected by "dark" thoughts, I apologise for copying the forums name, can't think of a more fitting title.

Probably no one will read this but oh well.....I got some major anger issues,apart from having depression i'm both suicidal and homicidal, I just hate this ******* world (you're allowed to swear, right?).... everybody is a sadistic hypocrite, I hate my emotions and my conscience, I can't do what I was meant to do , guess this is just a "dark" place. I really do wanna help people and any other living things for that matter, by putting them out of their misery.... my family, friends,my psychiatrist, neighbours, pets, children, strangers.... what's the difference they're all fuckheads that deserve to meet a torturous and painful demise, the only things I hear from their mouths is " ******* KILL ME ALREADY!", it would be my pleasure. I've had these thoughts since the age of 6, how's it like to be free of these thoughts anyways.... I'm trying to change, to give it time, but I seem to be going nowhere....helplines, medication, meditation, ******* hypocritical and harsh "psychics", my psychiatrist, interests..... it seems they are only a temporary relief from this ordeal....
Oh and I've never been on recreational drugs, ever gotten drunk, smoked, been in jail or arrested and all the other mechanisms, a majority of my peers do.

I feel so lonely, how do i put it? Because of these feelings I can't relate to anyone, everyone would think I'm a freak, so I have to project a fake image of myself.... all I want is happiness, to have good friends and a good family I can connect with, is that such a ******* bad thing to ask for?
It seems the only thing I can hold on is boxing, my coach says I put this extremely unique and even murderous (jokingly of course) vibe on the ring when i fight, I hear people shout out "Holy honeysuckle, what a ******* monster!", (as compliments probably, but I don't care fresia them.) well ain't that the truth? I just love receiving the pain from getting hit and then getting up for some more despite having blood clog up my throat and nose, bruises and blood spurting everywhere and I love how there is actually a place I can express my anger, where I can wreck my opponents and see their blood fly all over the canvas and then getting out there to be covered by blood and bruises, people finally see who I really am, that quiet, introverted kid is a "MONSTER!"...ah boxing, the only thing that makes me happy nowadays. I know "you're the only one that can change!" well ********, if that were the case, then wouldn't every other person going through the same thing as me, be merry forever.
All these murderous thoughts repeating over and over and over in my head, fresia this, how do I fight it.....I feel like giving in, but I can't lose to "the darkness"..... reminds me of a boxing match, symbolic much?

I hate this..... such a lonely place, surrounded by people but unable to connect, ******* life is teasing me..... I am sorry you had to read all that honeysuckle and I'm not as eloquent as I would be if I had had a clear head..... so many thoughts running in my head right now.....I'm sorry, I can't keep this all to myself, but probably no one cares, that is my expectations.... who can help me anyway? I have to fight this one alone......

I'm sorry.

I'm actually not sure if boxing is that good for you. Sure, you let out some of your anger, but being involved in blody matches is like continuing the path of violence and negativity you seem to have chosen since you were six.

Now I don't know what's best for you and I'm pretty sure no one here will help you a lot, your problems seem very complex. So I recommend you look for a really good therapist specialized in your problems to help you properly like you should if you wanna get better. Do it before you do something stupid. There are good things in life! maybe very bad things happened to you... but you can always change your life and make things better.

If you came to this forum, is becose a part of you wants to change. I recommend you hold on to this good side and try to be more possitive about life. Peopole sometimes can seem fake or mean, but it's only becose they have their own honeysuckle to deal with, as you have it yourself. So don't judge them so hard... and focus on your own life.

Seriously, go to tharapy before it's too late. The younger you are, the more chances you have to make a change.