It's very depressing the only thing you can easily find is someone to hook up with only. I don't say it's bad ofc i need that too but when it comes to friendships or at least a meaningful relationship there's no-one who want that. And i tried with so many people to make the effort but zero results. So, where are all these people like me? I mean yeah i dont go out often cuz i dont have anyone but when i do by myself noone comes to speak to me or when i do either they think im a weirdo or tryin to go more romantically. So what am i supposed to do? We have zero local forums or anything to help with that.
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Sunless Sky
Well-known member
I don't know if it's available where you are and if you have time for it but, have you considered doing volunteer work?
You get to go outside, do something nice for the community, and meet new people. Who knows, you might make a friend or two.
You probably won't meet any romantic partners though. Probably.
I am speaking from experience btw.
You get to go outside, do something nice for the community, and meet new people. Who knows, you might make a friend or two.
You probably won't meet any romantic partners though. Probably.
I am speaking from experience btw.
Sadly we don't have that. We are in Europe but we are waaay more years behind our time. There's no solution here. Only if you keep trying again and again.
first I think it depends on what age are you and how big is the place where you live in (if it's a city, town, village) ... second what kind of friendship would you like (so what's wrong with romantic, it seems one of the most significant type of relationships someone can have)
Im 25 , I'm a girl and im living in a city with about 200k people. Nothing is wrong with romantic but romantic nowadays is the poems, the sky, the flowers. People here or at anywhere getting more shollow and it's hard to find love or friends. They come out with the excuse "i have friends don't need more let's fresia only"
What's your age?
user 164061
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I'm 30 and in the UK. But i'm also king of the friend zone when i do try and meet women, but the women i don't like romantically always like me. I also tried tinder for a few days and i think it was full of fake profiles but i got 0 from that too. During school i found nobody and college was the same, but even on chat apps i've seen women in my city but they aren't my type in a million years. It's very tedious in my opinion.
TropicalStarfish
Well-known member
I've learned from experience, that, you have to get out there, if you want to meet some one.
1: You have to get out there, and it has to be routine. A couple nights at a few bars, is usually only going to yield the type of thing a bar will provide (a hookup.) College, and work, is where most people tend to meet people, after a certain age. Why? You go there, day, after day, and are nearly forced, to actually get to know people (in a way that is deeper than physical attraction, emotional connection, intellectual attraction, or simply a good copacetic fit alone). In a repeated, and routine, socially engaging atmosphere, your chances of being forced into a social exchange with multiple people, increases dramatically, such that, you may find out you really enjoy the company of some one who, initially you actually despised for a number of reasons. Love and partnership can be funny things. You may think you really love pizza for example; but, you may not know that you LOVE chinese take-out, because you never tried it, and never would have thought to try it on your own.
2. Finding romantic partnership, despite the above, is in my estimation, mostly about timing and luck. And these are things you have NO control of, WHATSOEVER. You can join and participate in 3 specific social routines, for every week for a year, and switch it up, every year, and it may just be that you were unlucky enough to NOT have met that special person, every time, for whatever reason. Maybe your ideal match, showed up to your social routine the one day you were out sick, and had an awful time there, and never showed up again. Had only you been there that one day, they would have had a better time, met you, and fallen in love; but, you had bad luck and the timing was off. Luck and timing is everything.
3. You have to have your ducks in a row, or at least know about your ducks. You could probably find love in some of the worst AND best circumstances of your entire life, just by the luck of it. However, depending on the nature of the partnership you are looking for, your life trajectory, on the whole, and based on who and what you are in this moment, etc,. etc,. both limits and sets _a_ sort of standard, a sort of filter or jigsaw piece, for what you will attract, as well as what you want, and what you need.
(not talking about anyone specifically here, just some general hypothetical) For example, you may be in a place in your life, where you will only attract men who are interested in the superficial things 90% of the time. Perhaps it's the way you dress, perhaps it's your personality, perhaps it's your routine, it could be any number of variables. And because of these variables, you will 90% attract only men who are interested in your physical beauty. And because of where you are at that time in your life, you may not be tuned into those 10% of men, who are interested in a larger spectrum of beauty. So you may never notice that out of 100 men in the last week that were checking you out, 10 of them, were also checking you out, but also shy, so you never even noticed they were there, and 5 of them were shy and nice, and thoughtful, but you didn't notice them.
So, without going into things further, the point is, we carry with us, outwardly and inwardly, our sort of, 'mental attire,' every where we go. So having your ducks in a row, or just knowing about your ducks, is about sort of realizing, 'what bus am I on?" What was my departure point, and where is my destination? These sorts of things, often go greatly ignored, and it can be difficult to even be aware of them; but, they are a filter, a gatekeeper, that constantly works in the background, and sets limits, on what is even available to us _AT ALL_, in respects to a prospective partner or mate.
-----
So, simply put.
1: You have to be out there. Whether you put yourself out there, are forced out there, or inclined to be out there, you have to be out there.
2: Timing is everything, and luck plays a huge part, and you have no control over any of that.
3: Your life track, your situation, and your very nature, will impose limits, whether we are able to be aware of these things or not.
4: There is probably more to it than all of that. I'd say the last thing is that, some times people have no idea, that what they think they want, isn't actually what they want at all. And that can cause problems too.
5: Ultimately, timing is everything, and chance plays a huge part; everything else, is just trying to maximize one's advantage over those forces: timing, and luck... Sometimes they work with you, some times they work against you...
6: In the meantime... Get busy with everything else...
side note: the match maker, and her art, seem to have gone by the wayside. It'd be nice if that art had lived on a bit better... maybe..
----
Just realized OP was probably talking about friendships and relationships in general; but, I think most of all of the above applies as well. Luck, place, time, position, circumstance... Just have to know your cards, and play them the best you can, and leave the rest to luck...
1: You have to get out there, and it has to be routine. A couple nights at a few bars, is usually only going to yield the type of thing a bar will provide (a hookup.) College, and work, is where most people tend to meet people, after a certain age. Why? You go there, day, after day, and are nearly forced, to actually get to know people (in a way that is deeper than physical attraction, emotional connection, intellectual attraction, or simply a good copacetic fit alone). In a repeated, and routine, socially engaging atmosphere, your chances of being forced into a social exchange with multiple people, increases dramatically, such that, you may find out you really enjoy the company of some one who, initially you actually despised for a number of reasons. Love and partnership can be funny things. You may think you really love pizza for example; but, you may not know that you LOVE chinese take-out, because you never tried it, and never would have thought to try it on your own.
2. Finding romantic partnership, despite the above, is in my estimation, mostly about timing and luck. And these are things you have NO control of, WHATSOEVER. You can join and participate in 3 specific social routines, for every week for a year, and switch it up, every year, and it may just be that you were unlucky enough to NOT have met that special person, every time, for whatever reason. Maybe your ideal match, showed up to your social routine the one day you were out sick, and had an awful time there, and never showed up again. Had only you been there that one day, they would have had a better time, met you, and fallen in love; but, you had bad luck and the timing was off. Luck and timing is everything.
3. You have to have your ducks in a row, or at least know about your ducks. You could probably find love in some of the worst AND best circumstances of your entire life, just by the luck of it. However, depending on the nature of the partnership you are looking for, your life trajectory, on the whole, and based on who and what you are in this moment, etc,. etc,. both limits and sets _a_ sort of standard, a sort of filter or jigsaw piece, for what you will attract, as well as what you want, and what you need.
(not talking about anyone specifically here, just some general hypothetical) For example, you may be in a place in your life, where you will only attract men who are interested in the superficial things 90% of the time. Perhaps it's the way you dress, perhaps it's your personality, perhaps it's your routine, it could be any number of variables. And because of these variables, you will 90% attract only men who are interested in your physical beauty. And because of where you are at that time in your life, you may not be tuned into those 10% of men, who are interested in a larger spectrum of beauty. So you may never notice that out of 100 men in the last week that were checking you out, 10 of them, were also checking you out, but also shy, so you never even noticed they were there, and 5 of them were shy and nice, and thoughtful, but you didn't notice them.
So, without going into things further, the point is, we carry with us, outwardly and inwardly, our sort of, 'mental attire,' every where we go. So having your ducks in a row, or just knowing about your ducks, is about sort of realizing, 'what bus am I on?" What was my departure point, and where is my destination? These sorts of things, often go greatly ignored, and it can be difficult to even be aware of them; but, they are a filter, a gatekeeper, that constantly works in the background, and sets limits, on what is even available to us _AT ALL_, in respects to a prospective partner or mate.
-----
So, simply put.
1: You have to be out there. Whether you put yourself out there, are forced out there, or inclined to be out there, you have to be out there.
2: Timing is everything, and luck plays a huge part, and you have no control over any of that.
3: Your life track, your situation, and your very nature, will impose limits, whether we are able to be aware of these things or not.
4: There is probably more to it than all of that. I'd say the last thing is that, some times people have no idea, that what they think they want, isn't actually what they want at all. And that can cause problems too.
5: Ultimately, timing is everything, and chance plays a huge part; everything else, is just trying to maximize one's advantage over those forces: timing, and luck... Sometimes they work with you, some times they work against you...
6: In the meantime... Get busy with everything else...
side note: the match maker, and her art, seem to have gone by the wayside. It'd be nice if that art had lived on a bit better... maybe..
----
Just realized OP was probably talking about friendships and relationships in general; but, I think most of all of the above applies as well. Luck, place, time, position, circumstance... Just have to know your cards, and play them the best you can, and leave the rest to luck...
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