Brian
Well-known member
I visited my parents this week. For some reason I decided to sleep downstairs; it was too hot upstairs, and the 'basement' used to be my realm of power 
So I decided to reminisce a bit and throw my futon down on the carpet.
I hooked my laptop in to my old internet line and plugged it in to be ready, and headed down the hall to take a shower in my old bathroom. But as I did, I walked by my old room, and I stopped for a moment.
I opened the door.
It was never a big room and never will be, since rooms don't grow on their own. The 'footprints' from my old bed were still in the carpet, and I could more or less see where everything had been. I sat down where my nightstand had been and imagined a shy, nervous young Me, tired from his first month of work in the woods, laying there on his bed. And I imagined him asking me what the future was, because that's what I would have asked the future me at that point in time. I was an optimist.
The answer kind of disappointed me.
"Well kid, you're almost 23 now. The good news is, you have your GED, you've at least started college, and you don't clear brush anymore, but don't take that as an excuse to slack off."
"The bad news is, you have yet to really exceed in the fire testing process. You worked for Westside -yes, that Westside- for exactly a year before they had to lay you off. Then you go to work for EMS part time. Don't worry, they're not as bad as you think. Your studies for the civil service exam are half-assed, your exercise for the CPAT is inconsistent, your degree isn't finished, and you've missed a couple of important application periods that you shouldn't have.
Also, you've had a brief fling with a girl by now, but you still have yet to really talk to one or go on a second date and you've never had a girlfriend."
"Oh, and you live with Bill at the fire station and he snores like a ************ if you don't go to bed before he does."
I went on asking 'myself' a few more questions, and it struck me without me even expecting it: I was disappointed in myself. I'm on the fringe of where I could be if I would double my efforts. Depression and procrastination have been undermining me like there's no tomorrow.
I'm through setting up a disappointing future for myself.
For 8 months I've been telling myself I need to workout more regularly and study to get my written score up so I can use my interview skills and land a position, but I've been so inconsistent it's not even funny; and my written exams languish for it. Somewhere there's a job for me, a badge with my name on it; I have to be ready to earn it when it comes along.
So today's the day. The other night I worked on my resume. Just now I buried my nose in the book for two hours. I gotta go to work, but when I get back I'm going to pack up and run the stairs and do pushups until I'm ready to drop.
That mopey kid from four years ago doesn't deserve another minute of sub-par effort.
So I decided to reminisce a bit and throw my futon down on the carpet.I hooked my laptop in to my old internet line and plugged it in to be ready, and headed down the hall to take a shower in my old bathroom. But as I did, I walked by my old room, and I stopped for a moment.
I opened the door.
It was never a big room and never will be, since rooms don't grow on their own. The 'footprints' from my old bed were still in the carpet, and I could more or less see where everything had been. I sat down where my nightstand had been and imagined a shy, nervous young Me, tired from his first month of work in the woods, laying there on his bed. And I imagined him asking me what the future was, because that's what I would have asked the future me at that point in time. I was an optimist.
The answer kind of disappointed me.
"Well kid, you're almost 23 now. The good news is, you have your GED, you've at least started college, and you don't clear brush anymore, but don't take that as an excuse to slack off."
"The bad news is, you have yet to really exceed in the fire testing process. You worked for Westside -yes, that Westside- for exactly a year before they had to lay you off. Then you go to work for EMS part time. Don't worry, they're not as bad as you think. Your studies for the civil service exam are half-assed, your exercise for the CPAT is inconsistent, your degree isn't finished, and you've missed a couple of important application periods that you shouldn't have.
Also, you've had a brief fling with a girl by now, but you still have yet to really talk to one or go on a second date and you've never had a girlfriend."
"Oh, and you live with Bill at the fire station and he snores like a ************ if you don't go to bed before he does."
I went on asking 'myself' a few more questions, and it struck me without me even expecting it: I was disappointed in myself. I'm on the fringe of where I could be if I would double my efforts. Depression and procrastination have been undermining me like there's no tomorrow.
I'm through setting up a disappointing future for myself.
For 8 months I've been telling myself I need to workout more regularly and study to get my written score up so I can use my interview skills and land a position, but I've been so inconsistent it's not even funny; and my written exams languish for it. Somewhere there's a job for me, a badge with my name on it; I have to be ready to earn it when it comes along.
So today's the day. The other night I worked on my resume. Just now I buried my nose in the book for two hours. I gotta go to work, but when I get back I'm going to pack up and run the stairs and do pushups until I'm ready to drop.
That mopey kid from four years ago doesn't deserve another minute of sub-par effort.
