about being (feeling) different

[Peaches]

I always wondered: when you feel like you are different from everybody else around, can you tell if that is just an impression or if it is really true?
Like, sometimes there are objective situations in which one feels different because one IS different, say one comes from the countryside and all the others are city people, one is atheist and all the others are christian or something, and some other time the background, favorite tv shows, favorite activities and values are the same but one still feels completely different from everybody else. Why is that? How can you tell which one is (feeling or being)? Can you help me elaborate?

 

[R2349]

First off, it seems like what you're really questioning is 'Am I different where it really counts'-- as in, at a level deeper than skin colour or religion or favourite food group. I like to think of a person's life as being similar to a book written in first person. You are the protagonist, making observations about the world around you, and you can't read the minds of other people; the best you can do is make judgements about how they might be or feel. Most people are basically flat in character, the people you see at school or at work, because at best, you might know one or two details about them. Often these details will be comparisons to yourself because taking in new information usually results in comparing this information to what you already know; in this case, how you think and what your beliefs are. Thing is, all of us do this. We are all the stars of our own personal stories-- fully rounded characters with complex histories and reasons for every little like, dislike, and fear. It also feels good to think 'Im not just like everyone else, Im special!'. We are taught to believe this from birth, pretty much-- we can do whatever we want if we put our minds to it, we are all unique, no two snowflakes are a like, etc. Sometimes we feel sad or lonely because of feeling 'different', like no one could understand us or share anything in common with us.

But in reality, I believe that everyone feels this way, some more often than others, but not necessarily because it's true that we are, in fact, more 'different' than anyone else. We all want to be Someone, more than just another nameless person in the 7 billion currently on the planet. So yeah, there are times when you really are different-- maybe you do have an insight or a thought that no one else in the room has. But odds are the very next day it'll be someone else thinking that exact same thought.

 

[eyesonly]

Peaches -
Your question kind of made me think of this quote I read once from Confucius:

"Men's natures are alike, it is their habits that carry them far apart."

I don't know how relevant that actually is to your question, but it's what came to mind for me (I apologize if I'm not as coherent this morning as I could be - not much sleep last night).

Also, I think some people are quite different from those around them due to a combination of neurology, life experiences, and their view of the world. I have always felt different from most other people. I guess whether that's good or bad, like most other things, kind of depends on your perspective. Some people who are seen as having done great things in the world have definitely been different from most other people internally. At the same time, people who are seen as having an unusual amount of problems in their lives could also be labelled as "different."

I think the best thing is to find a way to come to terms with whatever you really are inside and try to free yourself from too much worrying about how you "should" be. Whatever your true nature happens to be, it's probably more capable, healthy, and resilient that you think it is.

altghost -
I really liked your thoughts on this subject as well. I thought the analogy of a person's life being like a book written in first person, with oneself as the only really rounded character and everyone else being flat to varying degrees was really interesting.

 

[foreverrray]

I wish I knew the answer. For as long as I can remember I have always felt alien to everyone around me.

 

[duff]

i am different to most people around me.

Other people, their lives resolve around drinking, going out drinking, watching tv shows like x factor or soaps, smoking, going on holidays (to mainly drink), shopping and did I mention drinking.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I've always been the odd one out in my life. I do know for a fact that it's not my impression, it is actually true. Because I don't think like them neither do I do most things like them.

 

[perfanoff]

It depends on your sense of self, I'd guess.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Same goes for me. Not sure how to answer this but I always felt different. Ever since I was younger cause I was so quiet but if I found a friend they eventually stopped talking to me. Not sure why that is but I always felt the reason was cause I thought differently and not many people could relate to me. Still feel that way to this day, cause I still try to make friends but a lot of them always end up ditching me to hang with someone else.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Not sure why that is but I always felt the reason was cause I thought differently and not many people could relate to me. Still feel that way to this day, cause I still try to make friends but a lot of them always end up ditching me to hang with someone else.

In my opinion, I think we're such special people that the others can't relate to us. We're the rare ones that when another rare person finds us, it'll be amazing interaction and connection, extraordinary. Don't give up. There are others out there alike us. I found a few friends (all online because I can't seem to find those who think alike me where I live), and I hold them dearly close to me now. I also try to see if there is any way I can bring the online friendships to real life, even if there is distance. It's possible.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I don't know, I've never...had...felt that experience before. That's a good question. I mean, I've felt out of place sort of but that is in my own head and my own paranoia most of the time. People usually have something in common that brings them together be it as simple as a TV show or more complex like a life altering tragedy, even if they float in different circles. When I go to functions where there are people I don't know or don't have things in common with I feel out of place. Even with the guys that work for the parent company I work for, I've known most of them for 8 years yet have nothing in common with them besides that.

 

[el Jay]

I've never had much in common with others, especially growing up. I wasn't much into pop culture, and especially not music (the big thing people seem to connect over). Even now, I rarely watch tv, which seems to be a major common thread.

As for feeling different, I have for most of my life, but I'm not sure it's connected to my particular interests, except in the most general sense (tv and music, mainly). I'm not sure how I feel different, just that I do.