ADHD-PI experience?

[futurecatlady]

I was recently reading a blog post by a girl about her experience with ADHD, and while I had never even remotely considered the possibility that I might have it (being supremely mellow and not at all hyperactive as a child), a lot of what she talked about was distinctly familiar to me. I did some research, and found out about the Predominantly Inattentive subtype of ADHD. People with this disorder are not hyperactive or impulsive; rather, they are often sluggish and lack motivation. They find it very hard to pay attention in class, can't find the focus to start tasks, are very disorganized, and--the one that particularly stuck out to me--are constantly losing and forgetting things that normally people have no trouble keeping track of, like leaving homework at home or forgetting to fill out a timesheet every week.

As a kid I got good grades, but I was for all intents and purposes a terrible student. I would zone out during class, forget my homework on a regular basis, leave my jacket or lunchbox lying around in random places, and generally was very absentminded. The only thing that saved me was that I was a good test-taker, so when finals came around I could make up the deficit. Over time I learned not to get completely lost in my own mind, but the forgetfulness and general unaccountability remained. In addition, a frequent complaint from my professors and later, employers, had about me was that I am very efficient when doing things that I find fun, but I procrastinate to no end and have immense trouble finishing things I find boring. There are so many hobbies I want to pursue and big projects I want to complete but I just don't have the motivation or energy to get anywhere with them. I no longer trust myself with things like tickets, valuables, tasks that need to get done, bills to pay, etc. because I know that no matter how hard I try, I will forget something and mess up. I've tried keeping post-its and to do lists but then I just forget to look at them.

Now, this sounds even to me like the whinings of a lazy and unmotivated individual. But, what strikes me as odd is that I am by nature a high achiever. I want to do well, and I want to be responsible and accountable and I want people to be able to trust me. And even though I know it is normal for people to occasionally lose track of things every now and then, it happens to me constantly. It is just as if there is an external force that is causing me to constantly drop the ball. When I do push myself and have bursts of productivity, it it utterly exhausting and unsustainable.

I know that this type of ADHD is linked to social anxiety, which I certainly have as well. Does anyone here have experience with this? Am I just trying to find excuses for my personality flaws, or does this sound legitimate?

 

[WL7.3]

That's me exactly. I'm a little better with keeping track of things now and not being late, but not at paying attention and motivation. I know what you mean about not being lazy. When I do feel lazy sometimes, if there was a word bubble, it would say 'whatever', but most of the time when I can't get motivated or focus it would say 'come on you have to get up, this is so important, pay attention, stop nagging me to pay attention, now I just missed more info cuz I was listening to you, well you started it, this is like an Abbot and Costello routine, remember Abott and Costello?, Yeah I watched it when there weren't any cartoons to watch, mmm... cereal.' When anyone explains something to me, I have to interrupt at least once with something trivial or I can't pay attention, like a person with weak muscles that has to take a break before they can finish a set. I'm not hyper, I zone out, although not as much anymore. This may sound strange, but the one thing that helped me more than anything(I've never tried medication) was working at domino's pizza. It was every brain training exercise at once and at a high speed and what I gained there( I'm thinking brain mass), helped me to make better use of other tools that I couldn't use previously, like reminders, schedules and alarms. Now I'm unemployed and it's like I can feel my brain atrophy. My therapist says to practice attentive meditation and Dr. Daniel G. Amen recommends ping pong for brain exercise. Good luck.