Afraid to Live.

[That Guy]

Lately I've been sitting in my apartment seemingly afraid to move.

I've been meaning to write this thread for a few days but I just couldn't get myself motivated to move.

I really have completely given up on myself. I have no job. I haven't worked in days. I haven't looked for jobs. I'm financially and emotionally ruined. Creditors are calling me and I haven't given my number to a girl in at least a year.

I haven't left my room in almost 3 days. Even doing simple tasks like eating and doing laundry have become a chore. I spend my time either surfing the web or attempting to sleep. Sometimes I jump in the shower just to feel the water run over me. Masturbation is my new lifestyle, recycling regrets my new hobby.

I just don't care about anything.

I feel that somehow I am too afraid to do anything anymore.

Thoughts of hurting myself and suicide cross my mind daily. I know neither of those things should be what I want, but the thoughts come uninvited. Sometimes I'm tempted to just grab a knife and just cut a little. I just want to bleed this honeysuckle out of me. I know that sounds ridiculous. It sounds ridiculous to me now as I read it. But that's how I feel.

I would like to think that a girlfriend or at least some feminine presence in my life could restore some of my vitality. I know that isn't true. Some sex would be wonderful, but just holding someone is what I need right now. Some comfort comes as my sister and some relatives call to ask how I'm doing. It's hard to explain to them. They tell me to go look for jobs or go back to school, to move myself. I don't know how to tell them about this feeling. It feels like I have weights on my limbs. My mind is swimming in numbness. I just want to lay down and slide into a grave, just to finish this honeysuckle already.

I had hope once. I had some confidence. I thought at my age I could stroll right into a decent job and into the arms of a nice girl.

Failure all the way.

I realized today why a lot of people stay single all their lives. They live like me: they are too afraid to live and too afraid to die.

I'm sick of failing. I'm sick of being alone. I'm sick of not being able to approach strange women. I'm sick of watching people around me succeed and live happy lives. I'm sick of being 24 and feeling like I'm already dead.

I'm not just lonely anymore.

I'm sick of living.

 

[Red26]

Hi That Guy,

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so bad. I know it may not help much, but you are amongst friends here. If you'd like to talk, even if its just to get everything off your chest, you're more than welcome to PM me.

 

[lonelyloser]

I feel u man. I haven't gone on a date in a while either and every other aspect of my life sucks. And there's nothing I can do about it...it's like my fate. I feel like there is a power above me trying to tell me to end my life. As of right now I feel like there is no other choice. Living is just too painful, and there's no hope of things ever getting better. I realized that life is not cut out for people like me. I used to be angry at the world, but for what? I would never wish this on anyone, even my worst enemies. No one can really understand what its like to suffer like this every single day.

 

[Qui]

Hmm... I'd say I feel the same, but according to popular opinion my 17 year old brain isn't developed enough to be afraid to live, sick of life, apathetic, or suicidal. At least that seems to be peoples' belief around here.

 

[NewBirth]

thatguy... sounds like it would b a good time 4u 2 look4 some (professional) help dealing w/this

 

[dukey]

tell your family how you are feeling right now. this is a severe depression. I have been in this state before and it is awful. I am going through a semi functional depresswion right now. I talk to my best friend about it daily, I talk to my sister about it, I am seeing a therapist and a physciatrist. My first severe depression came about your age (i'm 36 now) I had lost a girlfriend and became a daily heavy drug user for years!!!! I don't recommend that route! My problem is I do not have enough in my life. No friends or social life. I guess you have to start with small steps. If possible take a brisk walk, go to a place where there are people. In your state and mine, pretty much its all about small steps. meds have helped me in the past and I am just starting them again. Its a tough road and it seems always about feeling some satisfaction with yourself. Easier said than done. feel free to message me if you'd like.

 

[Arianna]

Lately I've been sitting in my apartment seemingly afraid to move.

I've been meaning to write this thread for a few days but I just couldn't get myself motivated to move.

I really have completely given up on myself. I have no job. I haven't worked in days. I haven't looked for jobs. I'm financially and emotionally ruined. Creditors are calling me and I haven't given my number to a girl in at least a year.

I haven't left my room in almost 3 days. Even doing simple tasks like eating and doing laundry have become a chore. I spend my time either surfing the web or attempting to sleep. Sometimes I jump in the shower just to feel the water run over me. Masturbation is my new lifestyle, recycling regrets my new hobby.

I just don't care about anything.

I feel that somehow I am too afraid to do anything anymore.

Thoughts of hurting myself and suicide cross my mind daily. I know neither of those things should be what I want, but the thoughts come uninvited. Sometimes I'm tempted to just grab a knife and just cut a little. I just want to bleed this honeysuckle out of me. I know that sounds ridiculous. It sounds ridiculous to me now as I read it. But that's how I feel.

I would like to think that a girlfriend or at least some feminine presence in my life could restore some of my vitality. I know that isn't true. Some sex would be wonderful, but just holding someone is what I need right now. Some comfort comes as my sister and some relatives call to ask how I'm doing. It's hard to explain to them. They tell me to go look for jobs or go back to school, to move myself. I don't know how to tell them about this feeling. It feels like I have weights on my limbs. My mind is swimming in numbness. I just want to lay down and slide into a grave, just to finish this honeysuckle already.

I had hope once. I had some confidence. I thought at my age I could stroll right into a decent job and into the arms of a nice girl.

Failure all the way.

I realized today why a lot of people stay single all their lives. They live like me: they are too afraid to live and too afraid to die.

I'm sick of failing. I'm sick of being alone. I'm sick of not being able to approach strange women. I'm sick of watching people around me succeed and live happy lives. I'm sick of being 24 and feeling like I'm already dead.

I'm not just lonely anymore.

I'm sick of living.

Look TG..nobody here can tell you what to do. But I can tell you what I would do.
1. CRY!! Yes..that's what I said. Get it all out..let yourself go and cry. Don't hold all these emotions in. Crying relieves the stress believe me.
2. After you do that..pick yourself up..get dressed and contact temporary employment agencies. I don't know where you live but here they have something called Manpower or Kelly Temp Services. They're generally able to get you hooked up with a job right away.
3. Talk to your creditors..make arrangements to pay them 'something' each month..even if it's only $5.00 until you get on your feet. If they complain about that - tell them if you have to go to court to claim bankruptsy they'll end up getting nothing. Believe me, if you tell them that they'll work with you! If/when you talk to them - you can even get them to reduce some of the late charges.
4. Find a support group for single people like yourself. Somewhere that you have to get dressed and go to. Talking with us on the internet is great..but you need to be with people face to face.
5. Take a course/class in something you like..that's how you end up meeting people.
6. Life is tough for all of us TG...and you know by now that emotions come and go. Give yourself a chance to let them pass..they will. And just to let you know..nobody's life is great all the time. No matter how people act or look on the outside. Life is filled with moments..some happy and some really sad. You're no different than the rest of the human race..we all experience the same things. Don't give up..because the next moment that comes around.. might be the happiest one you'll ever have.

 

[Cosmic Kid]

hey guy how's "thang's" Just wonderin'
that's all
Don't mean to intrude.

 

[mimizu]

I feel like I'm already dead also. I'm mostly in the same situation as you, except I have been that way for over 5 years, not 3 days. So, you aren't alone. After the years pass, you get used to it and become numb.

You will also stop masturbating... because you run out of inspiration. Trying to do that just brings up painful feelings of loneliness, so I don't masturbate anymore.

Try listening to music... I just sit all day curled up, with my eyes closed, listening to my headphones. It's hypnotizing that way.

 

[jales]

the way u write is really poetic... i feel as though i have been (n still get there) .. talking to people helps. ThatGuy, life can really be nice when enjoyed.. right now stuff might seem horrible. But there are so many mysteries in life. Some how you ended up here, so live. What ever you do, do till there is no more of it left to do. Right now might be difficult, but at least you know what type of life you don't want. So do things to build the life you do want. It's not easy, but I assure you that you can do it.

I hope you are okay, and that you let us know how you are going..
if you enabled the PM thing on your account then you could talk to people here.. not sure it would help..but with this life you are never know..
i think

 

[lonelyloser]

TG: If you ever wanna talk let me know. I think we're in a similar boat.

 

[cklove]

Sounds like depression. I know .I've been there myself. it feels like hell and its hard to get motivated. If your family is close and wants to help maybe they can at least get you to a doctor or therapist. help you to make a move. A phone call to reach out and get some help. Believe me , it can get better and there are a lot of caring people out there that are qualified to help you get better.

Please seek help

Good luck

 

[JustLost]

I realized today why a lot of people stay single all their lives. They live like me: they are too afraid to live and too afraid to die.

I'm sick of failing. I'm sick of being alone. I'm sick of not being able to approach strange women. I'm sick of watching people around me succeed and live happy lives. I'm sick of being 24 and feeling like I'm already dead.

I'm not just lonely anymore.
I'm sick of living.

The secret to life is to keep breathing. No matter how cruddy things seem to get, you just keep walking around and breathing. Chances are you're not alone and a lot of the people around you are following the same philosophy.

I'm one of those people. I'm sick of living alone and just plain sick of living. I'm tired of living the same day over and over again, and I'm tired of women that have no appreciation or understanding of what I have to offer them.

But I keep breathing...in the vain hope that someday the planets will align properly and the things I think I deserve will come to me. A fool's hope is all I have, but sometimes that's enough to keep going.

 

[That Guy]

Thanks for your help and advice everyone. It's helps a lot to know that there are at least some strangers out there on the internets willing to listen. Some of the depression has settled, but the motivation still isn't there. My condition seems to come and go. All it'll take is another bad experience, I'm afraid...maybe another lonely holiday season. That seems to do it. Hopefully I'll be ok. But thanks again.