Ain't got nobody

[Hauntyoueveryday]

I have to say that my romantic life has been crap.

I have had mediocre success with women. I have had six girlfriends and dated around a little. But all of my relationships have failed and I can't have consistent success with women.

Last year in April I got into pick up. I have dated four women and have messed three since getting into it over a year ago. I keep trying. But I can't seem to have women come into my life. I have tried online dating (nothing serious but OKC and POF). I got to clubs and bars. I have tried picking u girls on campus, on the Santa Monica promenade. Nothing really works.

I am tired of being alone. I don't know what I want at times. Sometimes I yearn to be in a relationship again (my last girlfriend and I broke up in the fall of 2011). I would like that security and sex on demand. But being into pickup I would love to build a rotation of women. But I am not sure how long that would take.

I don't know what I should do about this. I would like at least one woman in my life. I see people in relationships and it makes me go ugh where is my hot woman?

 

[Tealeaf]

Sorry to venture into this route (no, that's just a formality)... but you sound like another one of those empty people who doesn't even know themselves with enough certainty to say what it is they need, getting sucked into PUA's trap of quantity being the answer.

Being involved with seven women in ten months isn't a drought by any means. But it isn't enough, and apparently they aren't the type of woman you connect with. Doesn't that say anything?

That's where PUA's business comes from, though: "You're confused and unhappy, and sex with lots of random women is the answer. Don't introspect, just buy our honeysuckle."

 

[DVEUS]

'build a rotation of women'...that's rich indeed...i've been on this earth for quite a while and that's a 1st for me...i got a good laugh off it so thanks

any hey...good luck with that

keep us posted!!!

 

[TheRealCallie]

Every time I read that PUA crap, Britney Spears' Womanizer song pops in my head. lol

Like Tealeaf, I don't think you know what you want. I think you just don't want to be alone. But therein lies the problem, IMO. You need to be comfortable with yourself and figure out what you really want before a relationship will work. Lay off the PUA crap and be real.

 

[Yamira]

I feel almost the same... I don´t know what I want. It depends on my mood too somehow.

I like to flirt around, or having holiday flings and so on. But on the other hand, they are not there for you, when you need someone. They dont really care...

So I don´t really know a solution for it. Hell I´m not even sure if its true that every one will find "the one". And then I think: How depressing would it be, if there is only 1 "the one" on the whole earth for someone??? This can´t be true...

 

[Hauntyoueveryday]

Sorry to venture into this route (no, that's just a formality)... but you sound like another one of those empty people who doesn't even know themselves with enough certainty to say what it is they need, getting sucked into PUA's trap of quantity being the answer.

Being involved with seven women in ten months isn't a drought by any means. But it isn't enough, and apparently they aren't the type of woman you connect with. Doesn't that say anything?

That's where PUA's business comes from, though: "You're confused and unhappy, and sex with lots of random women is the answer. Don't introspect, just buy our honeysuckle."

I disagree with that. I am not an empty person. I have tons of passions.

Why do you think PUA is bad though? In all honesty I see it as the truth. Maybe not the straight up pick up artist stuff. But there is a lot of valuable things men can learn from it. But it is a nuanced thought. This reaction is normal.

'build a rotation of women'...that's rich indeed...i've been on this earth for quite a while and that's a 1st for me...i got a good laugh off it so thanks

any hey...good luck with that

keep us posted!!!

I feel bad for you that is all I can say. In the pua world the goal is to build a rotation with women. A lot of men end up doing it.

Every time I read that PUA crap, Britney Spears' Womanizer song pops in my head. lol

Like Tealeaf, I don't think you know what you want. I think you just don't want to be alone. But therein lies the problem, IMO. You need to be comfortable with yourself and figure out what you really want before a relationship will work. Lay off the PUA crap and be real.

I am okay with being alone. I just want female compaionship? Before I got into PUA I was worse. All my relationships failed. I was fat. I lacked social kids, I could barely look people in the eyes, I lacked confidence. Now I am in good shape, I am pretty social, I am confident and make good eye contact. I just don't have the women part figured out.

If I leave PUA now where does that leave me? I will just always be alone. I am beginning to feel like no one wants to be with me.

 

[DVEUS]

I feel bad for you that is all I can say. In the pua world the goal is to build a rotation with women. A lot of men end up doing it.

don't feel bad for me crack head...I'm not the one with the problem...

 

[Tealeaf]

Why do you think PUA is bad though? In all honesty I see it as the truth. Maybe not the straight up pick up artist stuff. But there is a lot of valuable things men can learn from it. But it is a nuanced thought. This reaction is normal.

Because it has you chasing women as a player and wondering why you're not finding someone to love. It taught you how to game and left you without relationship skills, which it does to many, many men who are struggling and would do better elsewhere.

You could have made every single one of those improvements without PUA, as people do every day. But people latch onto it as their golden idol, because it motivated them in a way exercise programs and CBT didn't (even though the end result is the same, just without "women will like you" as the selling point). It plays on their loneliness but doesn't teach them how to interact with women beyond cold approaches and short-term, while I get the feeling that very few of them truly do want to play the field indefinitely.

And, as evidenced by you, it can leave them lonely.

Actual advice: If you decide you want to go the serious relationship route, drop the PUA stuff, which teaches you how to be briefly entertaining to people already looking for a hookup, and seriously immerse yourself into the world around you so that you can socialize on a normal wavelength with people who want serious relationships. Put yourself where you can reasonably expect to meet women who get you, which probably isn't on the promenade.

I've never known a woman to have a relationship with someone she met during a cold approach. It was always because they were dedicated churchgoers, studied together after class, shared a social circle, or met entirely by chance and found out they were going through the same rough patch in life. Things where people can gauge each other past initial appearance and choose based on values, lifestyle, and one-on-one compatibility. None of the old married couples who've been together for 50 years are saying, "She was just so pretty, and his game was just so hot!"

If you can't connect emotionally to potentially compatible women in these settings, then that's one social skill PUA didn't teach you.

 

[Peaches]

With PUA you *are* alone, having sex with women doesn't equal company or affection, or if you get any you will always know, always, that it will end the second they discover that whatever you said and did was a scam.

Why do you put yourself down so much that you can't even imagine that someone could be interested in you unless you lie?

Why do I think PUA is bad? PUA is not flirting around, is not "being confused", PUA is about deliberately lying to women in order to get access to something that would otherwise be inaccessible.

If your goal is to sleep with as many women as possible, then don't complain about feeling alone, get a dog or some PUA friends. A woman will not and should not give you any of her precious feelings, time and sex on demand, things that should be reserved to honest, straightforward guys who like intimate relationships, possibly with one person at the time.

As long as you see women as objects to conquer, dupes to fool, you will never get any real connection with any of them, at least a connection that is both sexual and emotional. And they will HATE you as soon as they find out that you only told them lies, you will go on in life leaving (metaphorically speaking) a trail of blood behind you, a trail of tears and curses and sleepless nights, maybe some pregnancies. One girl I know spent years cutting herself after meeting a first class jerk in college, others go into depression, years of life wasted, degrees missed, or they just turn bitter and try to hurt as many men as possible in return.

Half of those women you pick up might be perfectly up to some random sex, that's great, it's a free country and it's important to have fun, but the other half will be those who were looking for a guy to care for, a man worthy of their affection, and instead they found a…. PUA. (that is a really stupid name, by the way).

You think that PUA doesn't hurt anyone, only those stupid enough to fall for it, you are wrong, you just make a conscious choice to lie about your feelings and not to care about the consequences of what you do.
I wonder how many other human beings you have hurt until now. Because girls are human beings, something that the PUA books (oh yes, I have read some of them) do not consider, they are like your mother your sister and your grandmother. They are like you, the honest, truthful part of you.

I understand that learning the ropes of interaction with females is useful if you are very shy or suffer from extremely low self esteem, as you seem to do (NO ONE with a healthy self esteem need to be a pickup artist), but to adopt that behavior (lying, cheating, avoiding any kind of emotional connection) as a way of life and then complain that you feel alone is kind of contradictory.

And yes, I truly think that being a PUA is no better than being a professional conman, it implies hurting others as a lifestyle.

You say that without PUA nothing is left for you. Get a support group, a therapist, self help books, whatever, but get out of that jerk-hole the moment you feel the need for a full life.
Unless sex is the most important thing for you, in that case good luck with that (honestly! nothing wrong with wanting no strings attached) and please try not to hurt unknowing people in the process.

 

[Hauntyoueveryday]

Why do you think PUA is bad though? In all honesty I see it as the truth. Maybe not the straight up pick up artist stuff. But there is a lot of valuable things men can learn from it. But it is a nuanced thought. This reaction is normal.

Because it has you chasing women as a player and wondering why you're not finding someone to love. It taught you how to game and left you without relationship skills, which it does to many, many men who are struggling and would do better elsewhere.

You could have made every single one of those improvements without PUA, as people do every day. But people latch onto it as their golden idol, because it motivated them in a way exercise programs and CBT didn't (even though the end result is the same, just without "women will like you" as the selling point). It plays on their loneliness but doesn't teach them how to interact with women beyond cold approaches and short-term, while I get the feeling that very few of them truly do want to play the field indefinitely.

And, as evidenced by you, it can leave them lonely.

Actual advice: If you decide you want to go the serious relationship route, drop the PUA stuff, which teaches you how to be briefly entertaining to people already looking for a hookup, and seriously immerse yourself into the world around you so that you can socialize on a normal wavelength with people who want serious relationships. Put yourself where you can reasonably expect to meet women who get you, which probably isn't on the promenade.

I've never known a woman to have a relationship with someone she met during a cold approach. It was always because they were dedicated churchgoers, studied together after class, shared a social circle, or met entirely by chance and found out they were going through the same rough patch in life. Things where people can gauge each other past initial appearance and choose based on values, lifestyle, and one-on-one compatibility. None of the old married couples who've been together for 50 years are saying, "She was just so pretty, and his game was just so hot!"

If you can't connect emotionally to potentially compatible women in these settings, then that's one social skill PUA didn't teach you.

I am also lonely for my lack of success at being a player. I can get laid once or twice a year now. But the rest of the year are a few bad dates, countless cold approaches, and being alone.

I asked better pua if I should take this as a sign that maybe I am more of a relationship guy. They basically said that it is just a limiting belief I have. That if I want to I can date as much women as I want to.

Idk if I want a serious relationship. But at the same time I am not a player or celebrity (yet anyway) so maybe I need to evaluate what I want and try something new. I don't think cold approach is meant to start a serious relationship with someone. It's meant to meet, date and fresia women and to build a rotation if you will.

I need to have a social circle. I have to find a club. Something where I can meet som women who could possibly be interested in me.

I think a good happy medium between both would be that I need to date some women, but with the intention of starting something real.

With PUA you *are* alone, having sex with women doesn't equal company or affection, or if you get any you will always know, always, that it will end the second they discover that whatever you said and did was a scam.

Why do you put yourself down so much that you can't even imagine that someone could be interested in you unless you lie?

Why do I think PUA is bad? PUA is not flirting around, is not "being confused", PUA is about deliberately lying to women in order to get access to something that would otherwise be inaccessible.

If your goal is to sleep with as many women as possible, then don't complain about feeling alone, get a dog or some PUA friends. A woman will not and should not give you any of her precious feelings, time and sex on demand, things that should be reserved to honest, straightforward guys who like intimate relationships, possibly with one person at the time.

As long as you see women as objects to conquer, dupes to fool, you will never get any real connection with any of them, at least a connection that is both sexual and emotional. And they will HATE you as soon as they find out that you only told them lies, you will go on in life leaving (metaphorically speaking) a trail of blood behind you, a trail of tears and curses and sleepless nights, maybe some pregnancies. One girl I know spent years cutting herself after meeting a first class jerk in college, others go into depression, years of life wasted, degrees missed, or they just turn bitter and try to hurt as many men as possible in return.

Half of those women you pick up might be perfectly up to some random sex, that's great, it's a free country and it's important to have fun, but the other half will be those who were looking for a guy to care for, a man worthy of their affection, and instead they found a…. PUA. (that is a really stupid name, by the way).

You think that PUA doesn't hurt anyone, only those stupid enough to fall for it, you are wrong, you just make a conscious choice to lie about your feelings and not to care about the consequences of what you do.
I wonder how many other human beings you have hurt until now. Because girls are human beings, something that the PUA books (oh yes, I have read some of them) do not consider, they are like your mother your sister and your grandmother. They are like you, the honest, truthful part of you.

I understand that learning the ropes of interaction with females is useful if you are very shy or suffer from extremely low self esteem, as you seem to do (NO ONE with a healthy self esteem need to be a pickup artist), but to adopt that behavior (lying, cheating, avoiding any kind of emotional connection) as a way of life and then complain that you feel alone is kind of contradictory.

And yes, I truly think that being a PUA is no better than being a professional conman, it implies hurting others as a lifestyle.

You say that without PUA nothing is left for you. Get a support group, a therapist, self help books, whatever, but get out of that jerk-hole the moment you feel the need for a full life.
Unless sex is the most important thing for you, in that case good luck with that (honestly! nothing wrong with wanting no strings attached) and please try not to hurt unknowing people in the process.

Woah scam? First off I do not use pick up lines. There are two types of PUA. The pick up artist and natural game. When I go up to a woman it's all me. I don't know where that idea came from.

Sex may not be the most important thing right now. But it is pretty high up there. I am not having much of it. I am for sure lonely. I want to have sex multiple times a week. But no woman wants anything to do with me.

 

[Batman55]

Perhaps you are forgetting that there's a lot of folks who have or will have zero sexual encounters per lifetime.

Perhaps you should try acting grateful once in a while, instead of trying to get "more" until you're satisfied.

You are only seeing one side of the coin, the PUA side, or the side that your "more successful" friends are showing you. It is a very narrow view, in all actuality.

 

[Peaches]

As long as you think that women are something that you pick up, like apples on trees, the more the better, and not human beings, I can guarantee 100% that your loneliness will not improve, not through women at least.

 

[TheRealCallie]

If you want a serious relationship...ever....you may want to rethink this player crap. It tends to get around and you will have a reputation as one, which means few women are going to trust anything you say.

 

[Cavey]

I'm hoping that at some point in the future, you will look back on this period in your life and wonder what you were thinking.

 

[ABrokenMan]

Read your last sentence for your answer.
Being a moronic pick up artist makes no difference, does it?

 

[Omnipotent Soul]

I don't want to sound rude. But From what you said, I only have one word for you. Scum.
Why would any person in their right mind want to be with a 'Rotation of the opposite sex'? I mean, that's your problem with women. That's the reason why nobody wants to be with you.
Good day.