Alone, lost . . .

[VanillaCreme]

and abandoned. I don't like feeling like this. All I've been through, and I've never felt this abandoned. Someone who I wanted to consider my backbone just doesn't care about me anymore, and I just have to face the facts. But I find no point in holding onto something that's just not there.

Why can't there be someone who just cares? Who wants nothing out of it for themselves. I don't go into anything thinking there's a great reward for me. That there's a pot of gold at the end. I just do it out of kindness and respect. It's not even so much a relationship. I just want someone who's not selfishly out for themselves. I just want someone to be there for me. I don't understand why so many people just don't care. Bluntly don't care about others. I'll never understand it. I wouldn't intentionally even try to hurt someone.

Some dude likes me, but I'll never feel anything for him. Because I see right through him, and it's nothing but him grabbing and reaching for what he wants. I've even told him what I felt like I needed, and it was almost like he looked right past me. In one ear and out the other. It's not even like he's not even trying to understand me; He's just not listening. It's all about what he feels is right, and what he feels should happen. On top of that, I think when he started to figure out that I wasn't really getting into him, he stopped talking to me so much. Showed his true colors, and how he really is, and what he's really like. As soon as you don't get what you want, you just don't care.

I just don't get it.

 

[Squall1988]

I guess it takes time to just meet people like that, and it sucks because you have to go threw so many just to find that person. If you need someone to talk to you can always message me on msn: [email protected], or on AIM: sykishi, or here id love to have someone to talk to

Also don't feel so down, things have to get better eventually...right?

 

[SighX99]

not all guys are like that so dont give up.

actually the way u feel its the same way i felt with my exgf.

 

[SophiaGrace]

is there such a thing as a truely altrustic action though?

 

[VanillaCreme]

Sure there is. Believe it or not, there's people out there like that. I'm one of them. I do a lot of things that don't benefit me. Some of the things I do actually take more from me, like my energy or time, and I get absolutely nothing from it. So, yea, there are altruistic actions in the world.

 

[SophiaGrace]

you actually DO get something from it. A good feeling inside. A fuzzy warm feeling. Isnt that a benefit?

 

[Steel]

(((((Vanilla)))))

Unfortunately, some people do have ulterior motives, and its a shame that they can't be up front about their goals. Making other people feel better is its own reward, and yes, it is often a thankless task. But at least you know you made a difference.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Yea, but after so much fuzziness, you start to feel suffocated.

And thanks everyone for their input. I'm just at a point where I'm stuck. Completely stuck. Can't turn this way, or that way. I don't even have one person that I can really fall back on.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Yea, but after so much fuzziness, you start to feel suffocated.

And thanks everyone for their input. I'm just at a point where I'm stuck. Completely stuck. Can't turn this way, or that way. I don't even have one person that I can really fall back on.

I guess this isnt the place to have a philosophical argument...so...*hug*

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'm trying, Sophia. But my mind isn't what it usually is. I would have thought deeper about it, but for some reason, I can't right now. =/

 

[SilentThinker]

I guess many people are taking the egoistic view,I guess.

Some people like these is better to forget and move on with life.

 

[LonelyDragon]

I guess you could say I'm like you. I don't feel like I'm worth anything unless I can do something for someone. Many times that fact has been taken advantage of and I end up tossed aside when I'm not useful to them anymore. Maybe that's my only lot in life. To be needed until I'm not anymore.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I'm sorry you're going through that VanillaCream.

Point blank.
If you want something done right...you gatta do it yourself.
Love yourself, take care of yourself.
Please don't get it confused with selfishess...it's not..it's self caring and loving.
In this way...you'll get out of it what you put into it.
You only have control over yourself...and that's the truth.

I was abandent as a child..and recently my ex-gf pretty much
abandent me. When my ex-gf abandent me...it retriggered a lot
of old feelings I had as a child and it overwhelm me.
On top of that she messed one of my friends. So there you go..i have freaken issues.

There's a lot of issues I had to work through.
A lot of mis trust issues, un resolved anger, fear of love, not feeling
good enough becauase I felt I was just toss away like trash.
NO ONE CARES.....

I'm not sure if as a child you felt like you were abandent emotionally
or mentally even though you wern't abandent physically.
Being mentally and emotionally abandent..still has the same effects.

Even grown up as a teenager. I felt like i was the lost or forgotten
child.

I had to do a lot of re parenting. Alot of changing that negative
tape that ran in my head as a child. Basically re programing.

I knew I needed help...but I didn't trust anyone anymore.
I trusted people freaken about as far as I can throw them...and that's not far.
Reaching out for help and asking for help was one of the hardest
thing I had to do....I trusted no one, 4 months ago.

ALL became a bridge for me. I still had a hard time opening up at first.
I picked someone I thought I could trust. She reached out to me
or just talked to me. Graually I open up myself. It was a process.
Eventaully other people started talking to me. Graually I learned
to trust a little more.

Even to this day...in FACE 2 FACE. There's only one person
that I trust....My sponsor. He has everything going for him
so I feel he didn't have alternative motives or will hurt me.
He's a doctor, he's stupid rich, he has a beautiful GF.
He dosn't make me do anything. He's very nice. He listen/hears me.
He might ask me to do excersizes that are good and healthy of me.
Bascailly he tells me to love myself and be positive and other living
tools I can apply in my life daily.

Graually I'm letting people into my life a little at a time.
Nope, i still don't trust anyone except my sponsor in real life ATM.

Yes..I know..I need to move on with my life , let go, and fucken get over it.
No fucken duh...I'm not freaken stupid.
Easier said than done and there's a process to it.
If someone invented the instant get well easy button, just add water...freaken show it to me, I'll be the first in line.

 

[MiKeY]

I know the feeling of not being able to instantly snap into happy mode; although, employers seem to think that you should be able to do so. I teach high school, so I know that my mood/outlook sets the tone for the entire class. I can tell that when I have bad days, my class seems to mellow out and we don't get as much done. it's tough to run on full throttle all the time; I get worn out, and eventually, realize that I'm constantly giving to takers and users. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for emotional handouts or anything, but it'd be nice to have someone who asks how I'm doing once in a while. Pressure and stress are part of life, and I get that. I just have so many responsibilities that I feel as if I'm putting out small fires all day, and never taking time to actually check on myself emotionally or affectively.