Always Lonely

[Mechanical]

Has anyone on this message board ever been truly lonely? I keep reading posts that say they were dumped and that's why they were lonely, and such as that. Well, I've never even had a boyfriend (or girlfriend) before. I'm 18 and you'd think I'd have at least a first kiss by this point. No, only one guy has ever asked me out and that was in 4th grade. I said no because I was a 4th grader, I wasn't interested in that! Now I regret it because then I could at least say I've had a boyfriend before.

Those sorts of relationships aren't the only ones, however. I do have friends but none of them truly know me. And even the "friend" I've had for like 10 years doesn't know me anymore and I can tell she doesn't want to be friends anymore. I'm too boring, I guess. We haven't had a true conversation in so long and she never wants to hang out. My other friends hang out with me but they don't know like any of my secrets.

I want someone I could talk to about anything without being ridiculed or having it held against me. Someone at least decently intelligent that will talk about all the things others are too squeamish to talk about. Someone I can truly listen to and enjoy listening to. We don't have to agree, they just have to be patient with me. I feel so stupid around others because I don't know what to do. I suppose I'm shy but I'm more of an introvert and have just about no social skills at all. I don't know why no one likes me, I'm not hideous and I've seen uglier people married. No one wants to even hang out with me.

My family doesn't even like me. My sister is always gone and when she's around we can't talk about all of the things we should. My parents hate me because of my personality, they call me cold and yell at me about being in my room all of the time. I like being alone, but not lonely. That's why my name is "mechanical", my father called me that not too long ago. I wish I could just open up to humans but I don't like them, and then I feel lonely. It doesn't make any sense I know, but I'll read or watch something where they say love is such a great feeling and you feel secure and comfortable. I've never felt that. Why don't I deserve that?

I hope you don't mind my long post.

 

[lonely guy]

I absolutely know how you feel. I too am 18 years old and have never "technically" had a girlfriend in my life! Sad, yes very sad indeed. I wish I could sit here and comfort you but honestly I dont know if I can. The truth is I dont have any brilliant ideas for you, if I did I would probably have a girlfriend because I would have answers for my own plight. I am chronically shy as well.

All I can say is hang in there and im here for you if you need somebody to confide in.

 

[Guest]

Thanks lonely guy. That was fast! Why do you say "technically"?

It would help to just talk to someone. It's kind of cool to think someone is behind the post that's talking to me and is interested in doing so. That's slightly reassuring.

 

[Mechanical]

That was me (^_^; )

 

[lonely guy]

I dont know if your still online but when I say technically I mean we were dating(going out to places) but we were not what I would call boyfriend and girlfriend close. I would like to help you help yourself!

 

[Jeremi]

I don't know what true loneliness is. I don't have any friends, but at least I have my parents. My mother is always supportive, even though she must think it's pretty sad that I never go out with anyone. I guess I should be happy I have one that supports me. What about the other friends you mention. Do you like them? Try to spend some time with one of them, and perhaps you can get closer. It's not easy, but it's worth a try.

Can't say much about love. I've felt it lots of times, but I've never had any relationship (well, no real relationship)

May your heart find happiness in life

 

[Mechanical]

I dont know if your still online but when I say technically I mean we were dating(going out to places) but we were not what I would call boyfriend and girlfriend close. I would like to help you help yourself!

Okay, I get it. Thanks! It'd be cool if you did.

Hi, Mechanical!
What's wrong about never having had a boyfriend/girlfriend? I say,nothing! and good for you! You have the rest of your life in which to have your heart mangled and ground into sausages. Why rush? Just chalk it up to having YOUR OWN standards. You wouldn't date the first chump that asked you to, would you? I hope not because you can afford to be 'pickey.' You alone possess the key to your own heart. Make 'em pass rigorous aptitude tests and sweat for the honor of carrying it.

There isn't anything wrong with not having a bf/gf, I agree. The thing that mainly bothers me about it is that no one would want to. And I'm just not outgoing enough to ask someone out, and I wouldn't know how or who. But I probably would go out with anyone who asked if I knew who they were, remotely. I would just have to be in public places with them all the time so I don't end up dead.

Rest assured, it is entirely possible to have had 'significant others' and intimate friendships and yet feel despicably alone.

As to whether or not the loneliness I personally have felt matches up to your concept of "true loneliness," I cannot say. Is the patch of sky above your head somehow 'bluer' than the sky above someone else's? It would be impossible and somewhat ridiculous to compare because the bluest of perceived blues would not alter the properties of the sky. See what I mean? There is no fools' lonely. No imitation lonely. No 25% extra lonely.

There is only lonely.

That's true. I hope you'll excuse my pretentiousness. I'm sure there are different ways to be lonely, but it's all still loneliness. I called it "true loneliness" mainly because it's really being isolated from others and never having been close. Maybe heartache is worse, I wouldn't know.

I don't know what true loneliness is. I don't have any friends, but at least I have my parents. My mother is always supportive, even though she must think it's pretty sad that I never go out with anyone. I guess I should be happy I have one that supports me. What about the other friends you mention. Do you like them? Try to spend some time with one of them, and perhaps you can get closer. It's not easy, but it's worth a try.

Can't say much about love. I've felt it lots of times, but I've never had any relationship (well, no real relationship)

May your heart find happiness in life

I hope you do, too. TY

Unfortunately I'm not sure how to get close to someone. One of my friends I started to open up to began to hold what I told them against me. They would bring it up in demeaning ways, but whether they intended to or not I'm not sure. They're a miserable person, too, and the kind that, instead of helping others in order to feel better, they like to bring everyone else down. My other closest friend right now I've told things to but they're as lost in social things as I am, it seems. Either that or they just don't care; it's hard to tell. Perhaps I'll try to be better friends with my acquaintances. Thanks for the advice.

 

[lonely guy]

Don`t listen to those that put you down because clearly they are very insecure with themselves and probably have more issues than you think. Just find one person whether its a not so close friend, a relative, a co-worker etc, and talk to them about your feelings. There is always somebody out there to help you! Consider me one of them. I have been lonely for a long time so I unfortunately have the experience. boo hoo. Have you ever thought about seeing a professional counselor or psychologist?

 

[Mechanical]

Have you ever thought about seeing a professional counselor or psychologist?

Yes, but I'm only 18 and still living with my parents. To do so I would have to sneak around them which would be hard since I have to drive my dad's car (not that he lets me). I don't think they would approve of spending the money. And I don't have the money. So right now that's not an option, really.

Talking to someone I don't know very well would probably make me more stressed out. I doubt anyone I know only a little bit would want to listen. But since you are too, maybe we can compare "lonelies".

 

[lonelygirl]

I know things are different from my generation (hey, I'm ONLY 31, but....) but in my view, there is NOTHING but NOTHING wrong or abnormal about not having a boyfriend by age 18!

The only problem is in high school, there is a lot of pressure to have a romantic partner. But in many countries, particularly in Asian countries, 18 and 19 year olds are just beginning to have the time to find a boyfriend or girlfriend.

One suggestion is to not put too many expectations on a romantic partner. That will only set you up for heartbreak. When you do start to date, don't think that a guy can be your whole life, that he can be your everything, etc.

Young guys don't like that. Some just want easy sex, but some are looking for a relationship that starts with an attraction, develops into friendship, and then something deeper. That takes TIME and NOT just a few weeks!

 

[Mechanical]

I know things are different from my generation (hey, I'm ONLY 31, but....) but in my view, there is NOTHING but NOTHING wrong or abnormal about not having a boyfriend by age 18!

The only problem is in high school, there is a lot of pressure to have a romantic partner. But in many countries, particularly in Asian countries, 18 and 19 year olds are just beginning to have the time to find a boyfriend or girlfriend.

One suggestion is to not put too many expectations on a romantic partner. That will only set you up for heartbreak. When you do start to date, don't think that a guy can be your whole life, that he can be your everything, etc.

Young guys don't like that. Some just want easy sex, but some are looking for a relationship that starts with an attraction, develops into friendship, and then something deeper. That takes TIME and NOT just a few weeks!

Thanks for the advice lonelygirl. I know it's okay not to have a bf yet at my age since I have plenty of time, but the fact that I can't even choose to bothers me. I'm just about convinced that no one will want to go out with me; like I said, only one guy has ever asked. No one at all seems interested, ever. It could be because I don't notice, though.

Mainly, just having a friend I could really be comfortable with is what I want. A romantic partner would be nice, of course, but it isn't my goal. Though I could really use someone to be physical with, if I can stand it. I don't even know if I'd like to be physical yet... I'm the type of person that doesn't like hugs.

Hopefully if I do ever get a boyfriend I won't end up like those annoying, obsessed girls I hear about

 

[lonely guy]

Thats a real shame. Your parents should be a little more concerned with their childs well-being. I am going into the mental health field and am inspiring to become a counselor so you can tell me anything you want and I absolutely promise I will not laugh or ridicule you. And please don`t listen to your father and your mother calling you names(if you ask me they have some serious issues. When I was younger I had a few offerings from girls that liked me as well, and I turned them down. Similiar to what you mentioned.

Unfortunately Im not online much during the week if I am at all, because of school work but during the weekend I`m online quite a bit. Were do you live?

 

[Mechanical]

Thats a real shame. Your parents should be a little more concerned with their childs well-being. I am going into the mental health field and am inspiring to become a counselor so you can tell me anything you want and I absolutely promise I will not laugh or ridicule you. And please don`t listen to your father and your mother calling you names(if you ask me they have some serious issues. When I was younger I had a few offerings from girls that liked me as well, and I turned them down. Similiar to what you mentioned.

Unfortunately Im not online much during the week if I am at all, because of school work but during the weekend I`m online quite a bit. Were do you live?

Yeah, I thought they would be too... But I've noticed they definitely aren't. Whenever I tell them something is wrong, my mother says it's normal and starts yelling (and I mean, having a hissy fit) and my dad doesn't do anything about it. The only time they did something was when my face was puffing up and hurting because my wisdom teeth were impacted and infected... And even then my mom wanted to wait for insurance confirmation. Thankfully my dad took me anyway...

That wasn't total bitterness (4_4) They do have mental problems, I swear...

That's cool you're going to be a counselor. I live on the East coast of the US.