M
Mechanical
Guest
Has anyone on this message board ever been truly lonely? I keep reading posts that say they were dumped and that's why they were lonely, and such as that. Well, I've never even had a boyfriend (or girlfriend) before. I'm 18 and you'd think I'd have at least a first kiss by this point. No, only one guy has ever asked me out and that was in 4th grade. I said no because I was a 4th grader, I wasn't interested in that! Now I regret it because then I could at least say I've had a boyfriend before.
Those sorts of relationships aren't the only ones, however. I do have friends but none of them truly know me. And even the "friend" I've had for like 10 years doesn't know me anymore and I can tell she doesn't want to be friends anymore. I'm too boring, I guess. We haven't had a true conversation in so long and she never wants to hang out. My other friends hang out with me but they don't know like any of my secrets.
I want someone I could talk to about anything without being ridiculed or having it held against me. Someone at least decently intelligent that will talk about all the things others are too squeamish to talk about. Someone I can truly listen to and enjoy listening to. We don't have to agree, they just have to be patient with me. I feel so stupid around others because I don't know what to do. I suppose I'm shy but I'm more of an introvert and have just about no social skills at all. I don't know why no one likes me, I'm not hideous and I've seen uglier people married. No one wants to even hang out with me.
My family doesn't even like me. My sister is always gone and when she's around we can't talk about all of the things we should. My parents hate me because of my personality, they call me cold and yell at me about being in my room all of the time. I like being alone, but not lonely. That's why my name is "mechanical", my father called me that not too long ago. I wish I could just open up to humans but I don't like them, and then I feel lonely. It doesn't make any sense I know, but I'll read or watch something where they say love is such a great feeling and you feel secure and comfortable. I've never felt that. Why don't I deserve that?
I hope you don't mind my long post.
Those sorts of relationships aren't the only ones, however. I do have friends but none of them truly know me. And even the "friend" I've had for like 10 years doesn't know me anymore and I can tell she doesn't want to be friends anymore. I'm too boring, I guess. We haven't had a true conversation in so long and she never wants to hang out. My other friends hang out with me but they don't know like any of my secrets.
I want someone I could talk to about anything without being ridiculed or having it held against me. Someone at least decently intelligent that will talk about all the things others are too squeamish to talk about. Someone I can truly listen to and enjoy listening to. We don't have to agree, they just have to be patient with me. I feel so stupid around others because I don't know what to do. I suppose I'm shy but I'm more of an introvert and have just about no social skills at all. I don't know why no one likes me, I'm not hideous and I've seen uglier people married. No one wants to even hang out with me.
My family doesn't even like me. My sister is always gone and when she's around we can't talk about all of the things we should. My parents hate me because of my personality, they call me cold and yell at me about being in my room all of the time. I like being alone, but not lonely. That's why my name is "mechanical", my father called me that not too long ago. I wish I could just open up to humans but I don't like them, and then I feel lonely. It doesn't make any sense I know, but I'll read or watch something where they say love is such a great feeling and you feel secure and comfortable. I've never felt that. Why don't I deserve that?
I hope you don't mind my long post.