AnonymousMe
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 6, 2013
- Messages
- 371
- Reaction score
- 11
Hey everybody. I was wondering if I could get some of your help here. I was analyzing myself and I couldn’t agree as to decide what I was, I’ve always thought that I was just lonely, but other conclusions I came up were “lazy,” “self-pitiful,” “whiner,” “late-bloomer,” “hopeless” and “two or more categories” or “all of the above.” I’m not going to mention EVERY detail, but I’m going to tell how my current state of life is in a nutshell, so you all can tell what I truly am.
In less than two months I’ll be 25-years old; I finished High School, but dropped out of College; I don’t have a car and I don’t know how to drive; I don’t have a job, although I help my dad in his paperwork and pays me a bit (he runs a carpentry, for those who want to know); I don’t have any offline friends and the few I’ve made online are gone; I haven’t experienced any sort of romance or intimacy; I live with my parents and depend on them; I am quite chubby, very physically weak and have a messy head (I’m not just referring to my hair here, I’m mentioning my whole head in general); I am capable of making decisions on my own, but becomes a dilemma when someone else recommends me another option (even in simple things as food choice); and finally, I purposely act emotionless around people, so they can lose interest in me and don’t know who and how I am, but I do want to be around them, it’s just that I don’t want them to know the things I just listed, nor the other ones you’re all about to read.
My daily routine is:
Morning: get up around/between 7am and 9am, do a 30/40 minute walk/jog every two days, shower around/between 11am and 12pm.
Afternoon: I usually sit/lie on my bed and follow an agenda of hobbies that are all done in my laptop. They include advancing on a novel I’m planning to write (how original…), watch/downloading all sorts of documents, music, images, videos, etc. Every once in a while I’ll get bored of my laptop and go do something else that’s indoor related, like reading/hearing/watching some of my downloads or play a video game. I also go to visit my grandma about 4/5 days a week at this hour and stay there for the rest of the afternoon (Her house and mine are the places I’m normally in, every other place is just rare).
Night: I either continue my hobbies from my laptop or keep advancing on the video game I’m currently playing and stay like that until I go to sleep, which is around/between 12am and 1am.
There are some days on which I stop this routine altogether because I feel down. They usually happen whenever I’m left at the house by myself or when I make someone angry, even because of the littlest of unnoticeable things. During those times I feel like crying, my body completely shuts-off and can’t help but imagine all sorts of bad stuff, like: ending up as a 50-year-old guy in a small, dirty department with my family long gone; seeing my 5-year-old nephew as a very successful teenager, accomplishing far more than what I did at that age; wishing for the worst for all the lovebirds I see whenever I go out; contemplating suicide; etc. I’m very grateful of having my comforting bed at those times, I can cuddle in it and hug my pillow for all the time I want and then just try to forget about all of that negativity by taking a nap. When I wake up, I definitely feel better, but I sadly realize yet again that everything is still the same.
I open my emails, for the fifth/sixth/seventh time in the day, hoping in vain to see that someone has sent me a friend request or, at least, that a previous friend wants to talk with me again; I go outside to the store, try to ignore couples and try not to think that I won’t be a boyfriend to a pretty lady I see passing by (I always think that Mother Nature is making fun of me now, like “Oh, you like that beauty? Well, f*ck you! My gene-pool has no place for guys like you!) and just try to go on with my “life” without trying to not further disappointing anyone that’s around me.
I know this’ll sound odd, but I’ve always have had this desire of waking up in my room, but with everything around me colorless, with intense rays of light coming in from my windows, then realizing that I’m dead and hoping to see Heaven outside when I open my front door. I can’t accept the fact that I’m currently living this way and I can’t accept the fact that I don’t have enough strength to change it either. There are so many things I want to do, but unless a miracle happens, I’ll always remind myself of them as unreachable experiences.
So what do you all think? Which of these am I?
1) Lonely
2) Lazy
3) Self-Pitiful
4) Whiner
5) Late-Bloomer
6) Hopeless
7) Two or more
8) All of the above
P. S.
I wanted to ask this on another thread, but I might as well ask about it now. For you members that are in a relationship, are you aware of the people that surround you? I doubt it’ll happen, but if I get myself someone, I would strictly prohibit public affection, because I would know that there are people out there that feel like me and would make them a favor by preventing them from feeling negative about themselves. Or, do you simply just don’t give a sh*t?
In less than two months I’ll be 25-years old; I finished High School, but dropped out of College; I don’t have a car and I don’t know how to drive; I don’t have a job, although I help my dad in his paperwork and pays me a bit (he runs a carpentry, for those who want to know); I don’t have any offline friends and the few I’ve made online are gone; I haven’t experienced any sort of romance or intimacy; I live with my parents and depend on them; I am quite chubby, very physically weak and have a messy head (I’m not just referring to my hair here, I’m mentioning my whole head in general); I am capable of making decisions on my own, but becomes a dilemma when someone else recommends me another option (even in simple things as food choice); and finally, I purposely act emotionless around people, so they can lose interest in me and don’t know who and how I am, but I do want to be around them, it’s just that I don’t want them to know the things I just listed, nor the other ones you’re all about to read.
My daily routine is:
Morning: get up around/between 7am and 9am, do a 30/40 minute walk/jog every two days, shower around/between 11am and 12pm.
Afternoon: I usually sit/lie on my bed and follow an agenda of hobbies that are all done in my laptop. They include advancing on a novel I’m planning to write (how original…), watch/downloading all sorts of documents, music, images, videos, etc. Every once in a while I’ll get bored of my laptop and go do something else that’s indoor related, like reading/hearing/watching some of my downloads or play a video game. I also go to visit my grandma about 4/5 days a week at this hour and stay there for the rest of the afternoon (Her house and mine are the places I’m normally in, every other place is just rare).
Night: I either continue my hobbies from my laptop or keep advancing on the video game I’m currently playing and stay like that until I go to sleep, which is around/between 12am and 1am.
There are some days on which I stop this routine altogether because I feel down. They usually happen whenever I’m left at the house by myself or when I make someone angry, even because of the littlest of unnoticeable things. During those times I feel like crying, my body completely shuts-off and can’t help but imagine all sorts of bad stuff, like: ending up as a 50-year-old guy in a small, dirty department with my family long gone; seeing my 5-year-old nephew as a very successful teenager, accomplishing far more than what I did at that age; wishing for the worst for all the lovebirds I see whenever I go out; contemplating suicide; etc. I’m very grateful of having my comforting bed at those times, I can cuddle in it and hug my pillow for all the time I want and then just try to forget about all of that negativity by taking a nap. When I wake up, I definitely feel better, but I sadly realize yet again that everything is still the same.
I open my emails, for the fifth/sixth/seventh time in the day, hoping in vain to see that someone has sent me a friend request or, at least, that a previous friend wants to talk with me again; I go outside to the store, try to ignore couples and try not to think that I won’t be a boyfriend to a pretty lady I see passing by (I always think that Mother Nature is making fun of me now, like “Oh, you like that beauty? Well, f*ck you! My gene-pool has no place for guys like you!) and just try to go on with my “life” without trying to not further disappointing anyone that’s around me.
I know this’ll sound odd, but I’ve always have had this desire of waking up in my room, but with everything around me colorless, with intense rays of light coming in from my windows, then realizing that I’m dead and hoping to see Heaven outside when I open my front door. I can’t accept the fact that I’m currently living this way and I can’t accept the fact that I don’t have enough strength to change it either. There are so many things I want to do, but unless a miracle happens, I’ll always remind myself of them as unreachable experiences.
So what do you all think? Which of these am I?
1) Lonely
2) Lazy
3) Self-Pitiful
4) Whiner
5) Late-Bloomer
6) Hopeless
7) Two or more
8) All of the above
P. S.
I wanted to ask this on another thread, but I might as well ask about it now. For you members that are in a relationship, are you aware of the people that surround you? I doubt it’ll happen, but if I get myself someone, I would strictly prohibit public affection, because I would know that there are people out there that feel like me and would make them a favor by preventing them from feeling negative about themselves. Or, do you simply just don’t give a sh*t?