Am I wasting time with this girl?

[Innerpeace]

okay heres the deal. I met this girl in a university class last semester she is graduated now and out of school. I asked her out to dinner and went out with her 2 weeks ago. It took me like 3 weeks to get her to come out with me. she kept on making excuses like i'm busy today I'll let you know when I'm free etc etc.

anyways I went to dinner with her then she seemed happy enough to want to go to a movie with me so we went to a movie, I paid for the dinner and movie.

anyways she told me she has a birthday coming up also like next monday and told me she'd invite me to it.

anyways yesterday i phone her and want to get her to come out with me next weekend also..... so I phone her and say want to meet up next weekend.

and she says okay sure sat would be good. so I say okay and talk to you later.

later that night like 4 hours later she sends me a text saying "Hey so sorry I forgot I already have plans for next sat" and that's it basicly cancelling it.

I don't know if I should even respond back to her text by sending her a text or not even bother and just waiting for her to phone me.

so far she has not once phoned me... I keep on phoning and texting her and she responds to my texts and phone calls but she is never the one to phone me and say he want to do something.

should I just give up?? I don't think I should even text her back to see if she wants to meet up on another day or for her birthday.

if she cancels a date with me after agreeign to it on the phone I assume she doesn't really like me enough to make the time to come out with me.

give up and move on.....? I feel so sad i'm 23 and never had a girlfriend and when i think things are working out they never do.

I'm just thinking of giving up and not even trying anymore. trying only seems to get my hopes up for nothing.[/align]

 

[Innerpeace]

it's a cruel cruel world......... lol seriously i'm feelin depressed. I think about suicide sometimes, I honestly don't think I can make it in this world. I get discouraged and depressed easily and i'm too sensitive. Whenever I think i'm getting somewhere it's just an illusion. Darwins theory of survival of the fittest is true, I"m obviously not fit enough to survive.

sorry about the rambling.

 

[Brian]

Well, sometimes it's possible to become fit, if you want to stick with the Darwin analogy. Most times, things aren't absolute unless we let them be. But it easy for our judgment -even in regard to our own performance- to become clouded and skewed.

It's like a...like a ship, plying the arctic trade lanes. And suddenly it's foggy and its radar breaks down. fresia. The radar was important, and it's expensive to fix. But the captain knows somewhere beyond the fog, it clears up. And his cargo must reach port on time. Does he push through the fog, or sit there for fear of an ice berg?

So some of us just don't have radar.

...Ok not a perfect metaphor. But whatever. You get the point I hope.

Anyway. I had a similar situation with a girl who's number I got when I forced my self to talk to her at Taco Bell (she worked there, lol). I'd call and text and she always had an excuse. I managed to see her once, on her lunch break. But after that, nothing except leading me on. I would have prefered she just say she wasn't interested.

So, I stopped calling.

 

[Innerpeace]

I really don't know. i'm 23 never had a girlfriend and have no friends I can relate to. The people I know from work that want to hang out with me I can't relate to and I don't go out with them much. so i'm always alone basicly.

everyone else my age has had many girfriends have many good friends are partying and living it up while i'm all drepresssed and lonley just wasting away.

 

[Brian]

Well, I'm only two years behind you, and I've had what I call half a girlfriend...sometimes I don't even count those couple of weeks, heh. Basically we met through work and had something resembling sex a couple of times and there was absolutely no emotional or even conversational connection and she was really immature. To be honest I could've gone without it.

I can't help a whole lot with dating, but have you tried giving your work buddies a chance? Go hang out with them to do something? At my last job, I initially figured all of my coworkers for people entirely different from me. And I was largely right. I was a computer geek, read a lot, liked quiet. They were hands-on laborer types, don't read very well, and go dirt biking in the summer and hunting in the winter. And for every ounce of failure I've ever had with women, they have three pounds of success. Girls barely look at me and it's hard to start a conversation...but they stare at these guys. Even smile. And they always had some sort of story about their last hookup or the fun weekend they had camping with whats-her-name.

Truthfully it was depressing and made me feel even more inadequate than I already usually do. I think it'll take me a while to recouperate from being around that so much...the stark contrast I saw for myself, and the playful (but sometimes still hurtful) teasing I put up with for two years.

But as different as we were, I at least found some common ground as far as activities went. They kinda played video games, and I found out I like fishing because I tried it once with them. And, turns out the boss was in to stocks too. Though I suppose it helps that one of them abhors alcohol and I always go with him along if I go with any of them. So the drunken idiot stuff doesn't really come out among the rest.

Anyway...just something to think about if you haven't tried it already.

 

[Innerpeace]

nah these guys don't get any girls lol, they just like to talk and check out girls which they never will have a chance with lol. all they do is meet up and get drunk together and that's not what i'm into

 

[Papabear]

just tell her you really had a great time with her and that she should pick when you guys go out again.

This leaves the ball in her court...

after this you basically move on... if she messages/calls you... great... if not... w/e because you've already moved on.

 

[gustafsg]

as a girl who did this to two guys while I was in high school (don't ask me why cause I have no idea and still feel way guilty about it) I'd say forget her. If you're the one initiating all the phone calls and whatnot, and she's backing out of dates and making excuses, she's not worth your time.

It's like the book "he's just not that into you" applied to a guy. It's hard, but try to move on and find someone who is more considerate.

 

[Innerpeace]

well I didn't even like her that much for this to really hurt me lol. I did like her but not us much as I've liked some other girls.

yeah I pretty much not going to call her again. she has my number and facebook so if she doesnt' call me she obviously doesn't care.

I feel like I'm beging her to make some time to come out with me which is stupid.

oh well.

I kind of thought it was weird how she was the one that said saturday would be good to go out when I phoned her and then later that night she changes her mind and texts me saying oh she totally forgot she already had plans for sat, yeah right.

i'm not going to waste my time with her anymore.

 

[Skorian]

just tell her you really had a great time with her and that she should pick when you guys go out again.

This leaves the ball in her court...

after this you basically move on... if she messages/calls you... great... if not... w/e because you've already moved on.

Papabear is right. If you give up then you give up and that is that. Or you can not give up and try giving her a chance. Maybe even several chances.

 

[Innerpeace]

but if I just don't respond to her cancelling the date how am I still not giving her a chance?

she has my number and facebook and she obviously knows I want to take her out or else why would I keep on phoning her and asking her? she's not stupid.

if she doesn't bother to phone me ever at least to just say hi then why bother?

 

[Papabear]

but if I just don't respond to her cancelling the date how am I still not giving her a chance?

she has my number and facebook and she obviously knows I want to take her out or else why would I keep on phoning her and asking her? she's not stupid.

if she doesn't bother to phone me ever at least to just say hi then why bother?

sounds like you've kinda answered your own questions here then

 

[Innerpeace]

but if I just don't respond to her cancelling the date how am I still not giving her a chance?

she has my number and facebook and she obviously knows I want to take her out or else why would I keep on phoning her and asking her? she's not stupid.

if she doesn't bother to phone me ever at least to just say hi then why bother?

sounds like you've kinda answered your own questions here then

yeah.... I guess we usually know the answers to our own questions.... but I like to get other peoples views as well.

 

[Innerpeace]

now i'm thinking maybe I should text her back saying "Oh too bad, give me a call if you want to meet later on"

or should i just not reply to her text cancelling the date?

what do you think?

 

[gustafsg]

now i'm thinking maybe I should text her back saying "Oh too bad, give me a call if you want to meet later on"

or should i just not reply to her text cancelling the date?

what do you think?

I think that's a really good idea. And then, if she doesn't get back to you, I'd leave it at that. But yeah I'd reply to her text, but just something simple and polite, let you know you're available when she's ready to stop being a *****. Hah I shouldn't say that, I don't know her but it seems she's being really inconsiderate.

 

[Papabear]

now i'm thinking maybe I should text her back saying "Oh too bad, give me a call if you want to meet later on"

or should i just not reply to her text cancelling the date?

what do you think?

I think that's a really good idea. And then, if she doesn't get back to you, I'd leave it at that. But yeah I'd reply to her text, but just something simple and polite, let you know you're available when she's ready to stop being a *****. Hah I shouldn't say that, I don't know her but it seems she's being really inconsiderate.

i disagree, leave it alone

 

[Marius]

If you have doubt then it would be in your benefit to forget and move on. Since she has to have of done things to cause doubt, doubt having to be a certain level of uncertainty, and uncertainty is one of the few things you would most likely want to avoid in most aspects of any relationship.

 

[Innerpeace]

If you have doubt then it would be in your benefit to forget and move on. Since she has to have of done things to cause doubt, doubt having to be a certain level of uncertainty, and uncertainty is one of the few things you would most likely want to avoid in most aspects of any relationship.

well to late lol I texted her back saying okay then, you give me a call when you decide you want to meet up.

and that is the last text or call I will have with her unless he phones nad makes plans to meet with me which is probably not going to happen lol.

looks like I'll be alone forever oh well, life sucks and then you die right?

honestly I didn't have any real feeling for this girl so i'm not really hurt just dissappointed that it never works out for me. I'm 23 and haven't had a girlfriend yet.

theres this girl younger than me 18 that I really like a lot at my work but she seems to be ignoring me too lately and I still really like her and can`t get over her now that is hurting me.

sometimes I wish I had the ability not to feel and have no feelings. Even though I don`t think I have much of a chance of every getting that girl at work to come out with me I still look forward to seeing her once every week or two which I see her and it makes me happy just to see her and sometimes i think she likes me too but other times it doesn`t seem like it and I`m going insane over that.

anyways sorry about the ramble....

 

[Marius]

If you have doubt then it would be in your benefit to forget and move on. Since she has to have of done things to cause doubt, doubt having to be a certain level of uncertainty, and uncertainty is one of the few things you would most likely want to avoid in most aspects of any relationship.

well to late lol I texted her back saying okay then, you give me a call when you decide you want to meet up.

and that is the last text or call I will have with her unless he phones nad makes plans to meet with me which is probably not going to happen lol.

looks like I'll be alone forever oh well, life sucks and then you die right?

honestly I didn't have any real feeling for this girl so i'm not really hurt just dissappointed that it never works out for me. I'm 23 and haven't had a girlfriend yet.

theres this girl younger than me 18 that I really like a lot at my work but she seems to be ignoring me too lately and I still really like her and can`t get over her now that is hurting me.

sometimes I wish I had the ability not to feel and have no feelings. Even though I don`t think I have much of a chance of every getting that girl at work to come out with me I still look forward to seeing her once every week or two which I see her and it makes me happy just to see her and sometimes i think she likes me too but other times it doesn`t seem like it and I`m going insane over that.

anyways sorry about the ramble....

Just don't create expectations, that is what has always killed everything I ever had. Nothing will meet an expectation, ever, and to believe that something will is to live fairy tales which many people, including myself, have been guilty of and will be guilty of again in the future. But that is just how life works and sometimes if you sit down and think about it there is a beauty to it, in a demented way. And as my father always said about meeting partners at work,"Never fish off the company pier"(Ironic that he met my mother at his work way back when). But that is probably not the best advice so my advice is to get to know her and become her friend, than if she truly is someone you would like to attempt to create a relationship with than you should be honest with yourself and make an effort to create one. And if you are denied then to the least you will no longer have the uncertainty (I hope).

 

[Innerpeace]

If you have doubt then it would be in your benefit to forget and move on. Since she has to have of done things to cause doubt, doubt having to be a certain level of uncertainty, and uncertainty is one of the few things you would most likely want to avoid in most aspects of any relationship.

well to late lol I texted her back saying okay then, you give me a call when you decide you want to meet up.

and that is the last text or call I will have with her unless he phones nad makes plans to meet with me which is probably not going to happen lol.

looks like I'll be alone forever oh well, life sucks and then you die right?

honestly I didn't have any real feeling for this girl so i'm not really hurt just dissappointed that it never works out for me. I'm 23 and haven't had a girlfriend yet.

theres this girl younger than me 18 that I really like a lot at my work but she seems to be ignoring me too lately and I still really like her and can`t get over her now that is hurting me.

sometimes I wish I had the ability not to feel and have no feelings. Even though I don`t think I have much of a chance of every getting that girl at work to come out with me I still look forward to seeing her once every week or two which I see her and it makes me happy just to see her and sometimes i think she likes me too but other times it doesn`t seem like it and I`m going insane over that.

anyways sorry about the ramble....

Just don't create expectations, that is what has always killed everything I ever had. Nothing will meet an expectation, ever, and to believe that something will is to live fairy tales which many people, including myself, have been guilty of and will be guilty of again in the future. But that is just how life works and sometimes if you sit down and think about it there is a beauty to it, in a demented way. And as my father always said about meeting partners at work,"Never fish off the company pier"(Ironic that he met my mother at his work way back when). But that is probably not the best advice so my advice is to get to know her and become her friend, than if she truly is someone you would like to attempt to create a relationship with than you should be honest with yourself and make an effort to create one. And if you are denied then to the least you will no longer have the uncertainty (I hope).

tomorrow is her birthday lol, she told me it was on the 16th when I took her out last time.

should I send her a text saying happy bday or on facebook or should I just stop contacting her after this .....

if it wasn't her birthday I woulddn't but I don't know