Amazed...

[Shine]

hey guys whats up, something happened to me 2day and i just needed to vent...

during summer of 2009 i met this girl from my class and from day 1 i have to say i fell for her. she was everything i looked for in "the one" for me. her eyes, smile, personality, attitude etc. everything about her i loved...i thought that i finally found the girl that i deserved. she had a serious relationship by the time so i knew this wasn't going to happen but still i experienced alot of happiness not only from being with her but also when thinking about her.

we quickly found out that we could trust each other and she would be telling me personal things like how her boyfriend was treating her wrong, the pain she suffered from not having a father, other family issues etc. we truly had a unique bond that i knew she wasn't having with alot of people and it was something new to me since i have never been this close with a girl. and since she is an exchange student from italy and therefore very lonely i felt i needed to be there for her even more.

i noticed that i was caring about her alot. 6 months later her boyfriend broke up with her and she was left with a broken heart. due to my stupid low self esteem i knew this girl wasn't meant for me but nevertheless i was there for her and did my best to take some of her pain away [got her some flowers, movies etc.] she appreciated that and it made me feel good to show my caring for her.

a little later she met a close friend of mine and they were into eachother. well at least, she was into him, he just played around with her. i saw how he did this but couldn't say anything since both of them were my friends and i didn't wanna lose them or look like the jealous type. this was the most intense pain i suffered in my life this far. if i was with him all he was doing was texting her, and when i was with her all she was doing was texting him...very painfull.

i decided that it was best if i would take my distance from her and during the entire summer of 2010 i didn't reach out to her. she called me a dozen times though. when i bumped into my friend he told me she stayed at his place during the weekend. and i was like: owe...ok...did u have fun? later on he told me they had some sexual contact that night.

i was devastated that day, as i said before he just played around with her and told her he wasn't interested in having a relationship with her. he told me he was surprised how easy she was though to get her into the bed. personally i respect women alot and i don't have any bad words about what happened with them, although i don't really like it when girls mess around with guys withouth them being their boyfriends [since i would never do that on my part].

we started talking for a bit again and we were just as good as before, i told her what i felt for her and got hurt again. all this time though i was supporting her emotionally and financially. i want to say that i never expected something from her in the form of a kiss or sex in return and she knew. i did found it strange though that she was always flirting with different guys at the same time. last week a guy from class told me he had sex with her etc. they werent even dating!! he told me he was amazed how easy she was and off course he went to tell alot of other guys from class.

i couldn't believe my ears, all this time she was telling me she wanted to wait for "the one" and how she feels she doesn't need sex now, she told me she went to church alot etc. she just seemed like the sweetest girl ever!!!

now all other guys and girls are quick to say she is a slut etc. and to be honest i think this was really nasty what she did. it hurt alot, she was the first girl in my life that i had a close bond with, the girl that i really dreamed of...the girl that i thought i deserved, because of her i now know what it is to care and maybe even love someone.

i feel like an idiot always having been there for her and always having supported her whenever she needed anything...again: i didn't expect her to sleep with me or anything but still...i feel somewhat betrayed. the girl that i did so much for, is she really a slut? i was amazed by the stories of the other guys how easy she was... i don't know what i want with this post, just needed to vent i guess.

however in all the pain and suffering i find relief hat the girl i really do deserve obviously wasn't her and that hopefully the future will bring the right one for me.

 

[Mr. Sir]

Dude, you got played the fool. I'll forgive you once because everybody falls into a hole the first time, but NEVER EVER let this happen again. Ever.

The truth is, all women do this ALL the time to guys who can't satisfy their sexual needs. It's absolutely terrible, but it's just how the game works. I understand how you were lead into temptation, women are so sweet and cute, aren't they? I just love them too. But they are just as dark and treacherous as the sweatiest, hairiest, BO-stinking neanderthal dudes around. You have to watch out.

Women talk out of both sides of their mouth. They want to be "equal" and yet they want their knights-in-shining-armor to rescue them. Well ya know what, treat 'em equal! Pretend this girl wasn't a girl with red lips and long hair and breasts and a cute giggle. Pretend she's a stinky, hairy dude. You wouldn't go running to the aid of someone who wasn't pretty and sweet, would you? That's how you need to treat girls. NEVER be the knight-in-shining-armor for a girl who isn't kissing you on the lips, man. NEVER.

Since you sound like a good dude, it's true that you do deserve a nice girl. But the dating game does NOT deliver girls like dominos deliver's pizzas. You have to fight, lie, cheat, steal, and work your way to cute, sweet girls. You need to immediately start with a workout plan. Bulk up, then shred up. Destroy ANY cosmetic flaws you have. PM me if you need advice.

 

[jales]

ONE: She is not a slut.

She may have emotional problems but she is not bound to you or any other guy, so she is not cheating on anyone, so she is not a slut. You said it yourself. She did not want sex etc.. when she had a boyfriend back home.

She slept with two guys who BOTH said they did not want a relationship. She slept with these guys at different times. She slept with them both while she was single. She may have hurt you. But she is not a slut.

TWO: If you thought she was the girl for you why??? WHY? Why did you not just ask her out when she initially broke up with her boyfriend? As in on a real date, and tell her that you have feeling for her and that you would like to date her exclusively.

Edit: Also she may not be the girl for you, if you think that she is sluty just because she slept with two guys while she was single. So in that case leave her alone. But honestly, women have problems too and sleeping with guys is often a way for us to try and numb emotional pain. It is easy and it can make us forget for a while things that happened to us. She may be a very good and very sweet girl who would be faithful to any man she commits to. But only the guy who is willing to get to know her truly instead of labeling her as a slut will end up with her. If you get to know her more, then I think you can judge her better.

My opinion is this: You like her. She is not a slut. You should talk to her more, about everything that you are thinking (but try not to call her a slut).. just tell her that you like her and ask her why she does not seem to want a real relationship. And then if you still like her after knowing her more, ask her to be your girlfriend or something.

But you can not complain that the girl you like... who you never told that you like... who did not make a commitment to you... sleeps with other men. I know it sounds harsh, but she didnt really do anything wrong.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Well, I think you learned from this that the next time you are in that position you will tell the girl how you feel about her. It could have been worse, she could have had feelings for you, the two of you could have confessed that to each other, you could have helped her through her pain, then she could have "slept around" on you.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

She just using you dude..
Women have that effect on men..
They mesmeruze us N sometimes use us....
Ske eitheer love you or she wont..
He heart wants what the heart wants...and her heert dont want you..

entising her wont change it...just wasting your time, resouirce N energy..

Break her N move on. You deserve better

---

Just keep it simple dude..
Certian people are going to love you.
wheather it be one on one or a group level...You dont have to love or accept everybody either..

Once you come to terms with this...and its really simple. Poeple are just fucken huimans..no better than you.
You'll stop people pleasing or doing stupid honeysuckle to get accepted.
Your self esteem or self worth is actually very simple..

Theres one quality shes missing....
The She loves you quality.

If you ever had a woman attracted to you,asked you out, chase you, in love with you...You'll notice the difference in the atmosphere...
You justy havnt experinced that..that is all...The more time you spend with this woman...the less you'll be exposing urself to women thats going to be interested in you. Its really this simple...

 

[NOAH_FX]

Dude, you got played the fool. I'll forgive you once because everybody falls into a hole the first time, but NEVER EVER let this happen again. Ever.

The truth is, all women do this ALL the time to guys who can't satisfy their sexual needs. It's absolutely terrible, but it's just how the game works. I understand how you were lead into temptation, women are so sweet and cute, aren't they? I just love them too. But they are just as dark and treacherous as the sweatiest, hairiest, BO-stinking neanderthal dudes around. You have to watch out.

Women talk out of both sides of their mouth. They want to be "equal" and yet they want their knights-in-shining-armor to rescue them. Well ya know what, treat 'em equal! Pretend this girl wasn't a girl with red lips and long hair and breasts and a cute giggle. Pretend she's a stinky, hairy dude. You wouldn't go running to the aid of someone who wasn't pretty and sweet, would you? That's how you need to treat girls. NEVER be the knight-in-shining-armor for a girl who isn't kissing you on the lips, man. NEVER.

Since you sound like a good dude, it's true that you do deserve a nice girl. But the dating game does NOT deliver girls like dominos deliver's pizzas. You have to fight, lie, cheat, steal, and work your way to cute, sweet girls. You need to immediately start with a workout plan. Bulk up, then shred up. Destroy ANY cosmetic flaws you have. PM me if you need advice.

I have to agree with Socrates here... Except, Bulking up isn't the answer for everything dude, like seriously.. Some people like to be able to turn their body and wipe their ass without needing help

Or ya know, the ability to run and be athletic.. Ever see a Body Builder play Hockey? Yeah me neither

 

[Mr. Sir]

Dude, you got played the fool. I'll forgive you once because everybody falls into a hole the first time, but NEVER EVER let this happen again. Ever.

The truth is, all women do this ALL the time to guys who can't satisfy their sexual needs. It's absolutely terrible, but it's just how the game works. I understand how you were lead into temptation, women are so sweet and cute, aren't they? I just love them too. But they are just as dark and treacherous as the sweatiest, hairiest, BO-stinking neanderthal dudes around. You have to watch out.

Women talk out of both sides of their mouth. They want to be "equal" and yet they want their knights-in-shining-armor to rescue them. Well ya know what, treat 'em equal! Pretend this girl wasn't a girl with red lips and long hair and breasts and a cute giggle. Pretend she's a stinky, hairy dude. You wouldn't go running to the aid of someone who wasn't pretty and sweet, would you? That's how you need to treat girls. NEVER be the knight-in-shining-armor for a girl who isn't kissing you on the lips, man. NEVER.

Since you sound like a good dude, it's true that you do deserve a nice girl. But the dating game does NOT deliver girls like dominos deliver's pizzas. You have to fight, lie, cheat, steal, and work your way to cute, sweet girls. You need to immediately start with a workout plan. Bulk up, then shred up. Destroy ANY cosmetic flaws you have. PM me if you need advice.

I have to agree with Socrates here... Except, Bulking up isn't the answer for everything dude, like seriously.. Some people like to be able to turn their body and wipe their ass without needing help

Or ya know, the ability to run and be athletic.. Ever see a Body Builder play Hockey? Yeah me neither

I said bulk and cut.

The body type I talk about is this:

Not this:

 

[SophiaGrace]

Women talk out of both sides of their mouth. They want to be "equal" and yet they want their knights-in-shining-armor to rescue them. Well ya know what, treat 'em equal!

So in order to treat them equal you have to treat them like a guy? The very nature of this logic, I think, is flawed, if you cant treat a woman like she's equal, then by this definition she is inferior based on her sex and guys are a step above her if equality = treating her like a guy.

---

Women talk out of both sides of their mouth.

Dude, wtf, maybe it's SOCIETY that has given us double standards on how women should be treated. Hello? Men owned us (actually physically owned us, we couldn't own property) for eons.

Maybe, because women bore the children, they had to look after them, which meant they couldn't move around a lot. So, men had to go hunt and do the manly things (bringing home the bacon).

I think when women (in this modern day and age) want to be taken care of it's just a perpetuation of centuries of how women have been treated (as inferior and also just how we had to live for centuries because of our role of childbearing and rearing which has nothing to do with patriarchy), it's not us being manipulative or taking advantage of men, just a mindset that wont ******* go away.

Personally, I do not want to be taken care of by a guy. The thought of putting myself in another person's hands to take care of me, terrifies me. Because, hey, people are unpredictable, and fresia, I should learn how to be strong and independent so people don't take advantage of me.

Anyone, in my opinion, that wants someone to take care of them is dumb. You're opening yourself up to be abused by an ******* or taken advantage of. Stand on your own two feet and you WILL be respected.

 

[sierra]

I think it's funny when men claim to be such experts on women yet here they are on a site for lonely people.

Dude, if you knew so much you maybe wouldn't be spending so much time here, shelling out your jaded thoughts...

Working out is good, a good appearance is fine, getting a decent job, that's decent advice but all this crap about what women want and how they are, is like reading a comic book. It's not every woman's fault, that you ran into a few bimbos and they hurt you. Maybe if you weren't such a superficial person you'd do better and come away with a better opinion of women in general.

As one of those cute women you're always talking about I can state: You're NO expert on women...

 

[Badjedidude]

but all this crap about what women want and how they are, is like reading a comic book.

+1 rep for wisdom

 

[sierra]

Thnx Bjd-Most people are lucky if they can become an "expert" on themselves much less make radical claims about the, entire opposite sex. For all I think it's good to keep fit and as nice looking as one can, all one has to do is read some tabloids to see that the Hollywood set, being some of the most fit, rich and beautiful people around, still can't hang onto relationships. Beautiful woman use, abuse and betray beautiful men all the time. The same is true in reverse.

No matter how attractive a person is they have to eventually open their mouth and say something. That's where it's made or broken. IMO...Intellect, or lack of and basic personality traits. If someone has 5 relationships and they all crash and burn then they need to look at who they're pursuing and then they need to look at what they themselves are doing wrong.

It's NOT all about men or women being one way or another. They aren't. It's about individuals wanting to blame half of the population for something they didn't do or placing labels on them they don't deserve, because the, blame filled,label-placer is just too **** lazy to try and fix what's warped in them. It always seems easier to just pass the blame and say "it's the way men or women are" than to really examine what is "off track" within us.

 

[Joseph]

Funny thing is...I agree with most of what Socrates has said in this thread. The dude does have some serious insights, and these things are not "his thoughts". They are basically universal truths.

The one qualification I would put on it is that I am not convinced that 100% of women are a certain way and that 100% of men are another way.

I know for a fact that I am a weird ******. It's nice for us weird ******* to think that our counterpart is out there somewhere, just as weird and untypical as we are.

I'll give Socrates props that his insights are true at least 90% of the time though. Maybe 95%.

 

[tangerinedream]

The one qualification I would put on it is that I am not convinced that 100% of women are a certain way and that 100% of men are another way.

That is one big-ass "qualification," considering so many of his posts include language like "ALL WOMEN do this" and "ALL WOMEN do that," and "ALL LONELY GUYS...."

Not even close to 100% or 95% or 90%.

 

[Mr. Sir]

@ Tangerinedream,

I think you're just seeing what you want to see with my posts. Anyway I have alot of answers to all your attacks on me. So here goes.

#1 - I don't call women sluts or bimbos. In fact, I do the exact opposite. I believe women only have sex with a very SMALL minority of men, so therefore, they CANNOT be sluts.

# 2 - I do not BLAME women for anything. If you've read my posts, I actually BLAME involuntarily single men for not giving 100% effort into making themselves attractive. I am very well aware that nobody is entitled to Dating/Sex/Relationships, and I think of ALL the men who post here, I am the one with the LEAST entitlement complex, which is I why I find all statements of "the right one will come along" absolutely abhorrent.

# 3 - "If you're such an expert on women, then why are you on a lonely life forum". This comment, although it may have sounded like a clever comeback at the time, holds NO water, as 90% of the female posters on this forum have husbands and boyfriends. LonesomeCrow gets laid all the time, and BadJediDude also claims to be active in the dating game.

# 4 - I never claimed to be an "expert" on anything. The only thing I am here to offer is workout advice, and how to move from being an "omega male" to a normal dude who has a chance at dating game participation. I am no PUA guru, nor a male model, and I never claimed to be. I offer true stories based on my experiences and what I observe through social circles, close friends, and family members IN REAL LIFE, not on the internet.

# 5 - "Because you were hurt by some BIMBOS". It's interesting how when I make my arguments about female behavior and female mindset, which other posters like Mary Mary seem to agree on, all the women I refer to immediately become "bimbos" and it's because I only pursue "bimbos" and hang out with "bimbos" because I'm superficial. Why do my female cousins and female co-workers display the behavior I'm talking about? I didn't choose them, so it's not like I am in a voluntary wading pool of "bimbos" and ignore all the shy, quiet average looking girls that exist. I've already said at least THREE TIMES that I know pure, virginal Muslim and Catholic and Evangelical Protestant girls, who even though they are not sexually active, they display the SAME behavior of all polarizing towards the small hub of "alpha" men in the social group (muscleheads/prettyboys). I also find it hypocritical the way that these girls you call "bimbos" suddenly become innocent victims the minute I encourage other men to seduce them for casual sex.

# 6 - Back to the accusations of being misogynistic. I will quote the Roman Catholic Church teaching on men and women, "Equal in Dignity, Separate in Nature". I will repeat that again. "Equal in Dignity, Separate in Nature." That is my stance on men and women, and that's not changing. You can disagree as much as you want. If I had a body meant for a kid to grow inside of me, then I would act like women do too. All this liberal new age stuff about "society defines gender roles, it's okay for boys to act like girls, and for girls to act like boys" is just plain silly. No society will stand up straight when run like that. I've never once posted that women can't have careers or that women deserve to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. Never. I just state the very REAL fact that men and women are obviously different physically and as a result they are different chemically in the brain.

# 7 - I really find the blockade that alot of posters on this forum put between my message and the suffering involuntarily celibate guys on this forum offensive. It is a MAN'S job to protect and provide. That means he needs to be motivated, and get out there, and learn how to "hunt" and "fight" in a modern sense of the word. I am sick to death of all this talk about how, as Joseph phrased it earlier, a "martian hottie will fall in their lap". That's it. I'm muscular and decent looking and have a good social life for the most part. But the emotional trauma left over from how nasty women were to me before I was muscular and when I had symptoms of Aspergers (which I have killed off) still causes me to freak out in many intimate situations. If a guy is any older than 19 years old, and a virgin against his free will, then that is a SERIOUS problem that needs to be fixed A.S.A.P. The change NEEDS to be radical, so a dedicated, grueling change in appearance, complemented by hard-practiced assertive behavior is NECCESSARY.

I don't think I have anything else to say. PM me with any questions.

 

[jales]

On gender issues I tend to agree with SocratesX.
And I really like the post above. Agreed with all your points basically.

Except the one about being a 19 year old virgin (against his will) means he has a problem. 19 is too young.

But I totally agree that men and women have different roles. We are equal but that doesnt mean we are the same.
And I dont see anything wrong with making generalizations about women and men. We are different and there are things that can be observed to be 'general' about us.

Personally (and this is just an opinion), I also think the male needs to be the hunter. And men need to learn to go out there and find the woman they want, instead of sulking and never asking a woman out.

In general the only place I think SocratesX and I disagree (with respect to this issue) is that he places wayyyy too much importance on how men look. And well a lot of other small things. Like I think I am more likely to date a guy who was a friend of mine before he became a boyfriend. So a guy does not need to seem interested in sex right away. And I think if you are looking for the longterm girlfriend, you cant be a jerk and you should be nice guyish.

But still even as a nice guy, you have got to tell her you like her, and you have got to ask her out etc.

Yup..just my opinions...

 

[floffyschneeman]

hmmm, what I can share in this thread is that not all men wants to have sex with the next hole they can fine, and not all men wants to play the alpha male role of sleeping around and then moving on to next entertainment. Also, not all girls dig the whole good looking focker sort of look. Not all women want to be treated like a sexual fantasy or an object. The world just doesn't go around that way, maybe for some but that is no reason enough to generalize cos you know a handful of guys that are like these and girls that are like that. So don't preach your views like it's the only way it should go. Some aren't looking for someone for the sake of getting in the dating scene or having a naked body beside him/her. People should get to know people. That is if they want a real relationship.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And Shine, why didn't you just asked her out? To a girl, it's nice being cared for when she is down, and given nice compliments but as long as you wont tell her you like her, she wouldn't know.

 

[tangerinedream]

# 2 - I do not BLAME women for anything.

I've read most of your posts over the past few years, and you certainly do seem to hold a ton of anger at women and when you express it in terms of "all women" are this way, yeah it certainly seems excessive.

# 3 - "If you're such an expert on women, then why are you on a lonely life forum".

I'm sorry, are those my words? I don't recall ever saying anything like that.

I know I said this: "He's not the expert on what women like in a man."

and this: "What you claim to KNOW about women and what we want would fit in the bottom of a thimble. What you DON'T know is enormous."

But I never made some sort of jab at your being on a lonely life forum, unless you were making a crack at ME with that comment. So don't put words into my mouth, I ******* hate when people do that.

# 7 - I really find the blockade that alot of posters on this forum put between my message and the suffering involuntarily celibate guys on this forum offensive.

Honestly, it's the way you have presented your message that I find so offensive.

You seem to have toned down a lot of the anger and misogyny, but at times in some posts, it bleeds through and is just as ugly as ever. One post that springs to mind is how you were advising some guy to work out ,get cut (nothing wrong with that bit of advice) and then go find the girl who dumped him (or something, I can't recall the exact details) and then fresia her and dump her. Dude, it reeked of vindictiveness.

Also your posts about how women just can't help what they are attracted to are just full-out full of honeysuckle. I know. I am a woman, and I *******-well know what I am attracted to, and some angry little pissant on some internet forum isn't going to say otherwise.

Like this: "It's just a matter of logic. Women want fit, muscular, well-groomed, well-dressed, socially popular guys who make good money. Why is that SO HARD for people to understand? I don't even BLAME women for wanting this. It's logical, it's normal, it makes sense."


IS 100% bullshit. ALL women don't want that. You are making the STUNNING leap with faulty logical that ALL WOMEN are as preternaturally focused on superficial qualities as you are.


"Women don't WANT social incompetance, weakness, or unnattractiveness. These are just logical facts.

This one is trickier because you are making assumptions about what constitutes "unattractive." For me, "******* behavior" or "angry misogynistic behavior" are both hugely unattractive. In the past, I stopped dating a few guys who turned out to be good-looking, but total ********. So how do you explain that? I met another guy who was quite well-off financially, but he was a bragging, loud, obnoxious boor, so after the coffee date and another dinner date I ended it. Where does that fit in? By your logic, he ought to be my dream guy. And ftr, what initially attracted me to all of those guys was their personalty, specifically their sense of humor and level of education.

As for social competence, I have always had a soft spot in my heart for shy guys. The cocky guy may get looks, he may be drop-dead gorgeous, but if he is still an arrogant, braying jackass, I won't find him to be an attractive person no matter how fit or rich he is.

And really, I honestly don't give a honeysuckle how much a guy can bench press.

Addressing your comment somewhere about gender differences, I never claimed that there were no differences. I never claimed that men and women are just the same but with different plumbing. There are some pretty significant differences in how/why we operate and how we communicate, which is why I find it curious that you seem to be imposing this framework of people being motivated only by superficial qualities on women. That may indeed be what drives you, but it isn't what moves me.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Socrates, I assume you go on Pick Up Artist forums. Have you ever considered that the vast majority of people on them are GUYS? I mean, wouldn't it be better to talk to girls about what girls like to get more accurate information? What about grooming yourself for SPECIFIC sorts of girls? Christian girls like Christian guys, Nerdy girls appreciate nerdy guys...etc.

What kind of person do you want to attract?

 

[Joseph]

Wouldn't it be better to talk to girls about what girls like to get more accurate information?

No. That's the nature of the chase. A woman doesn't want a man that she needs to tell him how to behave or what she wants. She, instead, wants a man that knows these things inherently. My two cents.

To put it bluntly, what you are proposing is like asking the buffalo how he prefers to be hunted!

 

[Ladysphinx]

Has any body noticed a pattern here yet. Sometimes I'm Amazed(pun intended) at how oblovious ppl are to see what is right infront of them. I think those that are successful in dating has noticed it.

yin/yang is balance, nothing can work properly without that balance. It's for us to figure out just what the balance are.