An apology...

[stinky_cheese_dude]

Firstly, I'd like to apologise for my last post. I wasn't in a good place at the time, and constantly frustrated by my own inability to overcome what can sometimes seem to be the easiest of hurdles.

I'd like to say that I'm good at starting conversations, but realistically I'm a conversation killer. I've tried various guides at '5 steps to a good conversation' or 'How to keep talking' or whatever, but had people walk away from me. Having this happen over a number of years eroded what self-confidence I had (not much) and increased my anxiety to the point I just can't even start an online conversation.

Yes, I tried joining the chat room here, but had to quit because I felt wretched in myself - not anyone else's fault. I just got so hung up on what to say. The conversation didn't interest me most of the time (but again, no fault of what people were chatting about - I understand our interests and what we find as conversation is different). I would consider trying again, but not sure how I would cope with it - my counselling session yesterday was very hard emotionally and I just feel a bit raw about my social life at the moment.

So like real life, I slipped out the back door of the chat room. My counsellor said this is a very self-destructive behaviour, and we are working on how to overcome it. I suffer anxiety and panic when faced with this. Oddly though, I can talk to a checkout assistant - but they have to make the start, I've observed in myself.

I've tried these 'meet a friend' groups, meetup, other social networks to no avail. I find some people who will try and talk for a couple of days, then just disappear. I would guess it's because I stop talking back. Again, self-destructive patterns. Sometimes they don't bother and I think it's my fault.

I know there's plenty of us in the same situation, and I apologise for the simple fact that I don't know how to start talking. No wonder I'm lonely. Again, I apologise to you all.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Please do try the chat room again. You are in no way obligated to say anything until you are ready and you won't be pressured to do so. We might say hi to you when you come in, but if you don't want to talk, you don't have to. Just sit and watch until a topic of interest comes up that you enjoy. Or even tell us what you enjoy and maybe we can start that conversation when you come in. So give us some topics that you would enjoy discussing.

Although, I will tell you that sometimes Discord glitches and doesn't show everyone that's online, so some people might not know you are in there.

 

[mariomuscle22]

As a new fellow here i suggest just trying again. There is a diverse group of introverts and extroverts in the chat. Most of them would be more than willing to chat via pm or public chat. If you dont know what to say drop a meme or a video or a quote in the room and see where it goes. Just give it another try.

 

[stinky_cheese_dude]

Thanks. I'll see how it goes. I feel nervous about it already.... I can't seem to get on the chatroom though. My old account is still there.

 

[mariomuscle22]

Thanks. I'll see how it goes. I feel nervous about it already.... I can't seem to get on the chatroom though. My old account is still there.

Just message The Real Callie on PM and she should be able to help.

 

[Jently]

Firstly, I'd like to apologise for my last post. I wasn't in a good place at the time, and constantly frustrated by my own inability to overcome what can sometimes seem to be the easiest of hurdles.

I'd like to say that I'm good at starting conversations, but realistically I'm a conversation killer. I've tried various guides at '5 steps to a good conversation' or 'How to keep talking' or whatever, but had people walk away from me. Having this happen over a number of years eroded what self-confidence I had (not much) and increased my anxiety to the point I just can't even start an online conversation.

Yes, I tried joining the chat room here, but had to quit because I felt wretched in myself - not anyone else's fault. I just got so hung up on what to say. The conversation didn't interest me most of the time (but again, no fault of what people were chatting about - I understand our interests and what we find as conversation is different). I would consider trying again, but not sure how I would cope with it - my counselling session yesterday was very hard emotionally and I just feel a bit raw about my social life at the moment.

So like real life, I slipped out the back door of the chat room. My counsellor said this is a very self-destructive behaviour, and we are working on how to overcome it. I suffer anxiety and panic when faced with this. Oddly though, I can talk to a checkout assistant - but they have to make the start, I've observed in myself.

I've tried these 'meet a friend' groups, meetup, other social networks to no avail. I find some people who will try and talk for a couple of days, then just disappear. I would guess it's because I stop talking back. Again, self-destructive patterns. Sometimes they don't bother and I think it's my fault.

I know there's plenty of us in the same situation, and I apologise for the simple fact that I don't know how to start talking. No wonder I'm lonely. Again, I apologise to you all.

Thanks for posting this and sharing how you feel which has helped me because i'm just the same, it's always good to know you're not alone.
I have been involved in several cyber exchanges which always seem promising to start with and then they stop writing after a couple of messages............my conclusion - i'm as boring as ****.
My therapist tried to tell me I need to be more open and tell people how I feel about things, but that's not possible for me, and as I don't have a life (no, seriously) what the heck to write about.
Good luck, I hope you find a way to move forward and find peace very soon.
Oh and one thing I also recognise - the need to keep apologising for being you.
Be yourself and let yourself be liked and loved for the special, individual you are x

 

[Paraiyar]

Glad you came back.

 

[ladyforsaken]

*hug* It's okay, stinky_cheese_dude. Hope to see you around in chat.

 

[stinky_cheese_dude]

I have been involved in several cyber exchanges which always seem promising to start with and then they stop writing after a couple of messages............my conclusion - i'm as boring as ****.
My therapist tried to tell me I need to be more open and tell people how I feel about things, but that's not possible for me, and as I don't have a life (no, seriously) what the heck to write about.
Good luck, I hope you find a way to move forward and find peace very soon.
Oh and one thing I also recognise - the need to keep apologising for being you.
Be yourself and let yourself be liked and loved for the special, individual you are x

I don't think my counsellor believed I could not express myself as I am - until she had the misfortune I guess to experience it. Just reflecting on certain things that had happened she noticed I just stopped talking. I didn't want to, nor could I verbally express what was inside me....

It's something I notice that I constantly apologise. I hate confrontation, argument, because even if it's some stranger in the street, I get anxious and think I've done something to aggravate that situation - even though I haven't. So I tend to over-apologise, put myself lower than others, and as I'd said to my counsellor, put myself in the background, basically because I don't feel I'm worth it.

Sometimes I get that this thinking is wrong, but I don't know how to change a thought pattern which fundamentally is actually true. What I'd give to not care so much or have a brain that is mostly scumbag brain as opposed to normal brain...