an example of my narcissism, or just weirdness.

[Alex]

I sometimes think I might be a 'narcissist' and last night was no exception. I went to the girls house who I feel like I love. It started well I was impressing everyone with my sense of humour...but then after a while I drew into myself and stopped talking. I've only recently noticed as soon as people start talking about something not to do with me I just zone out and stop listening. I've recently started to really try and listen but find it nearly impossible. I will tend to disregard others stories as boring, even if perhaps I would a similar story and expect attention and laughs...Anyway I zoned out and after a while of not saying much, I angrily decided to be quiet to get attention...not conscionsly, the whole time I was lost in my thoughts but somewhere in my mind I think I made this childish decision. I loved the idea that people might be wondering why I'm being quiet. When the girl asked me something I would reply in a one word answer and it gave me great pleasure to feel like I was 'frustrating her'. I felt angry at times and wanted to go up to her and shout "WELL BASICALLY YOUR A ******* *****!" And storm out the room. When I left I imagined that they were talking about me and wondering why I was so quiet, and that they found me mysterious. I was lost in this satisying bubble, thinking about my great performance, but then as ever after a while I kinda came to my senses on the way home and started crying over how lonely I felt. I don't say this for sympathy it's just what always happens. Music brings it out in me. And now I dunno...I feel a slight agony that I like this girl but...am so insane that...I do things like last night. And its quite painful. Wish I could get out my head. I think its all down to me hating my mother.

 

[catwixen]

Narcisism< I think is the result of one who was neglected emotionally as a child. I have it and fight it every day. Funny because my sisters who are much older will talk about themselves constantly. Like I could be having a heart attack nd they would not stop to notice. I think about myself a lot but do not talk about myself much. Like i am not worth it. I feel paIN sometimes when they do not notice me. Is this what you are describing? The pain (which easily turns to anger) of people overlooking you and talking about themselves?
Thing is...it takes practise to listen to others, but if you do, you find an interest in them. Well I did anyway. I can only suggest to you to practise listening to others,to find an interest in their stories....because to me, everyoine is a narcissist to some degree. I do not find it a dirty word...it is reality.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Regconition is the first step...
Changing is a son of a *****
Sometimes pain can be a motivator, such as being lone

Becuase it's not all about me...me...me...me lol

 

[Pasha Selim]

Congratulations for such a brave self-analysis. That it's not weirdness.
I think there were no "mirrors" in your house thus when encountered one you wanted to stare for more. That it's not narcissism.

Narcisism< I think is the result of one who was neglected emotionally as a child.

YES

Sometimes pain can be a motivator, such as being lone

OH, YES

 

[VanillaCreme]

I angrily decided to be quiet to get attention...not conscionsly, the whole time I was lost in my thoughts but somewhere in my mind I think I made this childish decision. I loved the idea that people might be wondering why I'm being quiet. When the girl asked me something I would reply in a one word answer and it gave me great pleasure to feel like I was 'frustrating her'.

I don't want to seem like this is ALWAYS the case, because it's not, but usually... Usually, when you do that or act like that, people tend to believe you want to be left alone. So, if they left you alone, or didn't bother with you, that's why. They could have been thinking, "What's wrong with him? What happened? Is he upset? Why did he stop talking?" but they could also be thinking, "Oh, he wants to be left alone. Let's give him what he wants and leave him be."

When you're short with people, giving them one word answers, a lot of the time, they figure you don't want to be bothered, and in turn, don't bother with you either.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Lmao....

I attend AA or support group meetings.
Drinking and getting messed up is but a symtom of most if not all alcoholics most inner rooted problems.
That's why some people trip out in thier first meetings...."ERRRR wtf..i just wanted to stop drinking"...lmao

here's the real deal....
self-fish, self-center, self-seeking, self-absorbing, self-delusional, egotistic maniacs....
narcissism is an understatement...lol

By attending meetings...a person gets to practice listening.
You'll really, really want to fucken vomit at first....At least I did

Another thing is...most people when attending meetings are so fucken cuaght up into themselves, they
don't remember most of the things you say...lmao
There's a lesson in this...Most people aren't fucken sitting there wondering what the fresia is going on in your mind...lol
It smashes the honeysuckle out of your ego...lol

There's a saying. " It takes one to know one."
In other words...You can't bullshit a bullshitter...
In other words...sitting in a room full of fucken master manipulators and trying to lie is fucken piontless...
Whatever tactics, behavior patterns..etc Most if not all alcoholic had done themselves.
Eventually...honesty starts to sink in.
fresia...fresia..fresia...you actaully have to build a tolerance level for some gardenia that acts just like you...
It's like looking a god **** mirror...lmao

 

[Nyktimos]

Alex, everything you describe I could have described about myself, if only I could have put it into words as well as you. In fact, reading your post has taught me some things about myself. I only recently realised I'm only happy when talking about something to do with me (see, I'm doing it now), and started to realise other people want you to take an interest in them in just the same way. And yes, I told myself I was being mysterious as an excuse. It does take effort to take that interest, but gets easier with time. And it does help people open up a bit more. If you're anything like me, you will still need to crawl away and have your own time to recouperate from it.

I think it's about seeing people as people rather than just units that affect you, not just in your mind but how you feel deep inside about them. People like a good listener. They want to feel their issues are important.