another "friend" bites the dust

[ardour]

Edit ; just read the he's married, sorry about that.

 

[Coeur]

Any news? Explanation? Confrontation? Reconciliation?

 

[redraider1101]

Everyone has made some great points, so I don't have a ton to add except how much that sucks. Seriously. Don't feel bad for feeling badly about that because sometimes people can really get you down. That being said, after you can acknowledge it's okay to feel that way, you can move forward. Was he a good long-term friend choice? Probably not. Though it's terribly lonely in the meantime, you're onto bigger and better things.

And even you though you think your appearance is going to weed them out, your personality and writing style tells me there is a fantastic personality and inner beauty to you, and probably outer beauty as well.

Keep your head up!

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I've had so many friends desert me that it doesn't hurt anymore. I'm used to it.

 

[GraceBlossom]

Hi, I don't really have much to add to what people have already said, have you heard from him or have you contacted him? Life is short, and at least he knows where it stands.

 

[Peaches]

well, I sent a little message after the event, saying that other locals say that that salutation doesn't really exist, but he insists that it is completely normal, so I will leave it at that. If he never again calls for me again, that really means that he was after one thing only, which is really depressing. It's better to know than to be deluded, still I wish I had seen it coming earlier.

 

[African_weasel]

I've had so many friends desert me that it doesn't hurt anymore. I'm used to it.

I moved around a lot so I never really bonded with people. The last thing I thought would happen is me leaving somebody for choosing to do illegal activity. To add to that, I never got to talk to them how that made me feel. I tend not to take anything at face value, but sometimes you have to.

 

[Peaches]

I moved around a lot so I never really bonded with people. The last thing I thought would happen is me leaving somebody for choosing to do illegal activity. To add to that, I never got to talk to them how that made me feel. I tend not to take anything at face value, but sometimes you have to.

Well, it's better than getting enmeshed into some illegal activities, good for you that you have these values, yeah, it sucks when you cannot tell people how you feel

 

[African_weasel]

I moved around a lot so I never really bonded with people. The last thing I thought would happen is me leaving somebody for choosing to do illegal activity. To add to that, I never got to talk to them how that made me feel. I tend not to take anything at face value, but sometimes you have to.

Well, it's better than getting enmeshed into some illegal activities, good for you that you have these values, yeah, it sucks when you cannot tell people how you feel

That's for sure. Luckily I don't have to worry about which place tests for drugs. I start in two weeks. I think I've shown that you can have morals without being religious.

 

[Peaches]

well, it has been, what? two weeks? and no contact from that guy. Do I just leave it like that? It is really depressing, it seemed like we were friends, for the last year and a half there was a little chat every few days, and now he is not liking anything on my facebook anymore. Is it possible that he was after one thing only? How can a (married) guy waste so much time and effort on a person they don't even want to be friends with? I am really hurting... I have learned the hard way that if people don't care enough for you it's really useless to ask why they change their behavior, so I don't know if it makes sense that I ask for a further explanation.
I really feel powerless because all these people come into my life and then just disappear without me being sure about why, so now not just I feel alone but I am beginning to become paranoid that everybody (especially the guys) who wants to spend time with me has an ulterior motive.

 

[Alienated]

you ought to know that !!

 

[Coeur]

well, it has been, what? two weeks? and no contact from that guy. Do I just leave it like that? It is really depressing, it seemed like we were friends, for the last year and a half there was a little chat every few days, and now he is not liking anything on my facebook anymore. Is it possible that he was after one thing only? How can a (married) guy waste so much time and effort on a person they don't even want to be friends with? I am really hurting... I have learned the hard way that if people don't care enough for you it's really useless to ask why they change their behavior, so I don't know if it makes sense that I ask for a further explanation.
I really feel powerless because all these people come into my life and then just disappear without me being sure about why, so now not just I feel alone but I am beginning to become paranoid that everybody (especially the guys) who wants to spend time with me has an ulterior motive.

Sorry to hear. Whatever the motive, it sounds like the worst case scenario for awkward.

 

[Locke]

well, it has been, what? two weeks? and no contact from that guy. Do I just leave it like that? It is really depressing, it seemed like we were friends, for the last year and a half there was a little chat every few days, and now he is not liking anything on my facebook anymore. Is it possible that he was after one thing only? How can a (married) guy waste so much time and effort on a person they don't even want to be friends with? I am really hurting... I have learned the hard way that if people don't care enough for you it's really useless to ask why they change their behavior, so I don't know if it makes sense that I ask for a further explanation.
I really feel powerless because all these people come into my life and then just disappear without me being sure about why, so now not just I feel alone but I am beginning to become paranoid that everybody (especially the guys) who wants to spend time with me has an ulterior motive.

Maybe things just got too awkward for him after what happened. I'm sorry it didn't work out. I know how you feel. I'm currently down to having one real friend, the rest have left, wanted something from me I couldn't give, or never really wanted to be friends.

I hope you remember that there are still good people, not everyone has an ulterior motive.

 

[ardour]

well, it has been, what? two weeks? and no contact from that guy. Do I just leave it like that? It is really depressing, it seemed like we were friends, for the last year and a half there was a little chat every few days, and now he is not liking anything on my facebook anymore. Is it possible that he was after one thing only? How can a (married) guy waste so much time and effort on a person they don't even want to be friends with? I am really hurting... I have learned the hard way that if people don't care enough for you it's really useless to ask why they change their behavior, so I don't know if it makes sense that I ask for a further explanation.
I really feel powerless because all these people come into my life and then just disappear without me being sure about why, so now not just I feel alone but I am beginning to become paranoid that everybody (especially the guys) who wants to spend time with me has an ulterior motive.

He is of course a dick and a lowlife for trying to cheat on his wife. I get the sense of powerlessness, it's just about impossible to identify and separate out those you can really trust from those you can't.

Aside from that ... is there something wrong with a (single) guy having "ulterior motives" ? We're not all like that (disappear if it's not reciprocated)

 

[Peaches]

well, the wrong thing with "ulterior motives" happens when a single guy fakes friendship for even long periods and the second (the second) he understands he is not getting any he vanishes. I find this disgusting and depressing. When I decide to be friends with someone it is because of their personality and what they are, not if they are getting me laid or not. Now this happened to me three times in the last years. What I find amazing is such extent of effort (even years) for just a glimpse of hope, and then total abandon, like they never cared, zero, in the first place.

I don't even know if this guy wanted to cheat or if he just wanted to test the waters, so to speak, or just plain humiliate me with a stupid joke. In any case, I am better off without that.

 

[Alienated]

I guess he thought the same thing.... "Better off without that" .... LOL

 

[Coeur]

well, the wrong thing with "ulterior motives" happens when a single guy fakes friendship for even long periods and the second (the second) he understands he is not getting any he vanishes. I find this disgusting and depressing. When I decide to be friends with someone it is because of their personality and what they are, not if they are getting me laid or not. Now this happened to me three times in the last years. What I find amazing is such extent of effort (even years) for just a glimpse of hope, and then total abandon, like they never cared, zero, in the first place.

I don't even know if this guy wanted to cheat or if he just wanted to test the waters, so to speak, or just plain humiliate me with a stupid joke. In any case, I am better off without that.

It almost sounds like he may not have (necessarily) intended it all along, but decided to cut things short after the awkwardness of the incident and the risk to his marriage. If all he wanted was a little extra on the side he could have gotten it much more quickly. It's no less depressing, but don't let it destroy friendships for you.

 

[LadyDaria]

I just saw this thread. Could sort of relate. I had a friend in grad school. I suggested that we meet up on Friday's to talk about school. We went every Friday for coffee. I never dressed up for these things and looked like heck. So did he. He was engaged. We did this for a while -- I never ever saw anything that made me think he was interested in me. Until, the last night, before our second break he kind of invited himself over my house. He seemed to be trying to do something but I couldn't tell. Nothing happened. When he returned from break, he had his fiance with him. She had decided to move there. So she up and quit her job and moved to be by his side. This was not the plan originally. I was unnerved by that but I invited her to go with us to these coffees. Finally he made a move one time when she was home sick. And yes, when I said, um no. That was the last I ever heard from him. Yikes.

I still question myself about it. This was over like a 12 month period. Talk about a long con ... and I am fat and ugly ... Well seriously, not a babe at all. It just feels like such a loss... like a 12 month friendship gone in a poof of air... kind of makes you not even want to invest in them anymore if you can put that much in and have it all go away like that.

 

[Peaches]

yikes, why do these time wasters behave like that? Is that they'd like to cheat but they don't dare to so they just drag some semi friendships to see if something juicier comes along through a longer frequentation? Or do they just enjoy to remember nostalgically the times when they could have all the girls before they got engaged? I am sure you are not fat and ugly, but I can relate with what you say, I also used to see that guy in the worst clothes, without makeup etc, beauty is really in the eye of the beholder