Another lonely soul

[thalassa]

I'm a 24-year-old girl/woman from Belgium.

Experiences in my life have made me quite different to others, so I never really could relate to my peers, at any age (except maybe when I was really small, when playing was all you really did together). This led to extremely lonely and depressing teenage years and this trend has continued on into my young adult years. I always felt like life was not worth living without friends, this I tried to compensate with meaningless relationships just to drown the feelings out.

It is even harder now with these social network sites, these do not interest me (rather shallow), but even if I did WANT to join I couldn't for lack of people to add. How sad is that? I don't even have contact with family so my life is pretty empty as you may be able to gather.

Can anyone relate to my situation, or am I weird even on here?

 

[silver birch leaves]

Welcome to the site

I think you've just found a right place. I might be wrong though. You'll find out.

I don't know how much I can relate to your life experiences, but certainly I share similar thoughts on my current situation.

 

[Peter Lorre]

Welkom

You're not weird, in this age it's just not always easy to find a deeper connection with other people let alone some great friends you can always rely on. So don't despair completely, you're not alone and you're very welcome here my fellow Belgian

I hope you'll be able to make some friends here and that you'll enjoy your stay!

 

[thalassa]

Thank you for the kind replies!

Oh dear, a small country such as Belgium seems to be well represented here, that probably has a reason, right?

 

[Peter Lorre]

Well, for a while it seemed like I was the only one, but now suddenly there's quite an influx of Belgians

It must have its reason!

 

[thalassa]

I can't seem to make this country my home, I have lived elsewhere too and there seems to be a contrast. I guess it's okay if and when you find your circle - surely anywhere is, but when you are shut out, it is very harsh here (I find).

Gosh, this is probably off topic now. I seem to be socially inept even on forums at present. This didn't always seem to be the case. Where do I go from this topic? ... Maybe to sleep, it's quite late

 

[Peter Lorre]

I agree in a way. I do love my country, but at times it's not easy to fit in. I've met quite a few narrowminded people here that aren't very eager to broaden their horizon or open their little circle of friends up. I have spent some time abroad aswell and at times it does look as if the grass is greener on the other side... but I'm not sure. I guess I too have to still find my place that I can call 'home'

And it's ok to go offtopic in your own topic, I think Besides, I wouldn't worry about not fitting in around here; there's all kinds of people here and somehow it works.

 

[thalassa]

I guess the grass isn't necessarily greener, as where I grew up as a child I found the people were a lot more open and friendly but in the end it was mostly on a very shallow level. I haven't been able to hold onto those people all these years, as when things got rough in my life they ran a mile so to speak. This of course is only one country I am comparing with and I can't judge all people living in the one country with this type of 'stereotype'. Maybe I'm just unlucky and I ran into the wrong people at the wrong time, maybe it all is for a reason and these are all life lessons (hard ones at that).

I will never know, well at least not for the time being. All I can hope is that this life of mine is not lost and I can still make something of it and can somehow find a safe haven with at least some warm friendly others to share life experiences with.

 

[silver birch leaves]

I like your conversation. Please continue. You can sleep tomorrow

 

[Thomas]]

Welcome thalassa; I think you have come to the right place

I know how you feel regarding making your country feel like home... I've always found it really difficult living in UK... So many people are nasty to you and moody. And so many think they're always right. Very few argue "I think or feel this way", but they say "it IS this way" and it really upsets me.

But you mentioned about the contrast in other places... I know this feeling too..

You seem like a really nice person who hasn't done anything to deserve your difficult years. I bet things get better Keep your head up, and believe in yourself

 

[Peter Lorre]

Well, you are still young so you can definetly make something of your life. Nothing's completely lost yet It's probably not going to be easy to climb back up, but maybe we can support you on this forum and help you find your way.


Where did you grow up btw?

 

[Thrasymachus]

I am pretty sure she is a Greek.

And I have noticed too that Americans are more closed and anti-social compared to Greeks. All countries that have been capitalist for hundreds of years are like this.

 

[thalassa]

A Greek? Nah. Just because of the username? I chose it because it has to do with the sea, I really love the ocean.

Where I grew up? Ireland.

I'd love to talk to you guys more, but feel like I'm clogging up this new members forum.

 

[Vagrant Legacy]

Heya, and welcome to the forum

First of all, don't worry about clogging up anything. That's just not the case.
Also..Belgium eh? Yeah.. we do seem to be having an influx of Belgians lately I myself am Dutch, so consider me a neighbour then

Cheers

 

[Peter Lorre]

From Ireland to Belgium of all places. I can imagine Irish people being more friendly, then again, it's not like I met that many so I'm not an expert!

What do you do in life? What kind of hobbies do you have? I like the ocean aswell, but I'm not such a big fan of the Belgian coast; always gets too crowded there on a nice summer's day.

 

[thalassa]

Yes, it was an awful contrast for me to come here, that's when the depression really started (and 11 years down the line, it never left).

Sadly I am not leading a 'productive' life. I feel pretty guilty about it but also realize I am not even functioning at 20% of how others do.

My hobbies? Well I have this online thing that I do obsessively, is it then still a hobby or just something to drown all the rest out?

Due to lack of joy in life, I don't really have hobbies as in things I do which bring me joy. I am glad when I just feel nothing or neutral.

Like nearly everyone I like music, but I hardly ever listen to it - for some reason i tire of it all pretty easily. My favourite genre is new wave.

And yourself?

 

[Peter Lorre]

I'm sorry you feel that way, sounds pretty tough. Depression isn't easy to deal with, but you shouldn't feel guilty about your life and the way you lead it. You're trying to deal with your problems, that's more than some people can say.

I enjoy playing football, I read quite a bit, watch a lot of movies. I too, like most people, enjoy music and I'm actually a new wave fan myself.

 

[NewLeaf]

I hope you get better.

 

[silver birch leaves]

Sadly I am not leading a 'productive' life. I feel pretty guilty about it but also realize I am not even functioning at 20% of how others do.

Sadly I'm neither.

There is something appealing in your insights. The way you write and what you write about reminds me of Plath's and Sexton's poetry. It's a strange feeling.