Another year down the drain, I need to plug the drain

[StatueInTheRain]

2011 is almost gone, and it's time for a new year. It's a great time to start making changes. I have made a few complaints on this forum about life already, namely being single, and any further complaints aren't going to be beneficial. Only the first few rants are beneficial in order to let out the steam. After that, it's time to start getting to work and fixing the problems, though that's easier said than done.

I didn't have anything else to do today, so I wrote up a plan to change my life. I have four physical things I want to improve, so I'll start working on that. I've already started on two out of four.

I'm also single, and that needs to change. So, my plan is to join every dating site available, sign up for "It's Just Lunch", and I might sign up for an international marriage service. I'm still debating that one with myself, though. They advertise devoted Christian wives from the Philippines, and I just don't believe in God. It might be worth a try, even if I don't meet any women I find interesting from the Philippines.

I also need to think of a new username I'm going to use for dating sites, because I've already ruined "StatueInTheRain" by posting what I really think of being single here.

I've also made a contract with myself. If I get a date with a woman that does not have what I'm looking for in a woman, I will not continue to date her. There is no difference to me between being single and lonely and being with a woman who I have no interest in.

I will keep this post bookmarked on my computer, and I will keep coming back to it, to check up on my progress.

It's a new year, so it's time for something new.

 

[Nolife Princess]

2011 is almost gone, and it's time for a new year. It's a great time to start making changes. I have made a few complaints on this forum about life already, namely being single, and any further complaints aren't going to be beneficial. Only the first few rants are beneficial in order to let out the steam. After that, it's time to start getting to work and fixing the problems, though that's easier said than done.

I didn't have anything else to do today, so I wrote up a plan to change my life. I have four physical things I want to improve, so I'll start working on that. I've already started on two out of four.

I'm also single, and that needs to change. So, my plan is to join every dating site available, sign up for "It's Just Lunch", and I might sign up for an international marriage service. I'm still debating that one with myself, though. They advertise devoted Christian wives from the Philippines, and I just don't believe in God. It might be worth a try, even if I don't meet any women I find interesting from the Philippines.

I also need to think of a new username I'm going to use for dating sites, because I've already ruined "StatueInTheRain" by posting what I really think of being single here.

I've also made a contract with myself. If I get a date with a woman that does not have what I'm looking for in a woman, I will not continue to date her. There is no difference to me between being single and lonely and being with a woman who I have no interest in.

I will keep this post bookmarked on my computer, and I will keep coming back to it, to check up on my progress.

It's a new year, so it's time for something new.

If you are not content (or at least self accepting) where in the world did you get the idea that having a 'gal pal' is gonna make everything better?
It maybe good for a minute, but after the 'good sex' wears off, and real life kicks you in the face... you will still be you. and still lonely.
you must fix you (I am still learning this myself) before you can even think of bringing another person into it.

 

[Arsenic Queen]

Dating websites aren't worth it to find true people. All you get is either shallow people jumping from relationship to relationship, or even bed to bed; or people in extreme bad situations, or extremely bad-looking, who can't hope to find anyone without the help of an online meeting site; or people fresh out of a relationship, unable to move on, still half in love with their ex. Normal people and normal conversations are rare. Most guys just talk about sex and most girls (from what guys told me) just talk about how much you make and how much you're ready to spend on them. I guess it's a good pool if you need to test your resistance to rejection and disappointment... My personal experience of them - tried a few of them for 2 years, I might have met maybe 60-70 different people for dates, I've been disappointed by them at 95%, rejected by the rest when I said "no" to casual sex - has been a total waste of time.

The best way to meet people is to talk to people in a context (work, school, activities) and let attraction happen naturally. If you don't feel at ease with strangers, try with friends of friends.

Besides, what are you looking for in a woman? If your expectations are unrealistic, you'll just keep looking and never find what you want, and waste your time and energy at it.

 

[Legato]

The above post is spot on.

Most dating sites will be useless for you. I'm the type of guy who hates being single, as i'm a loving person who gives that energy off to whoever I'm with. I used to moan about how much I hate it, but i've stopped it now.

The most cheesy thing you hear in life is, "Think positive, positive things will happen".

Sure you might have a few knock downs etc, but the more positive people see you being, the more likely they are to wanna be around you.

I'm hoping this can be my year too. As will most. Work hard & it will pay off

 

[Arsenic Queen]

The most cheesy thing you hear in life is, "Think positive, positive things will happen".

Sure you might have a few knock downs etc, but the more positive people see you being, the more likely they are to wanna be around you.

Very true. Positiveness attracts people, and the more you attract people the more confident and positive you'll be. It's a great wheel when it starts spinning for you.

The tough bit is, sometimes, no matter how much you try to communicate with people, no one seems to care. It can be because you talk too much and don't listen enough (like me - I try to work on it...). Or it can be a question of being awkward. But approaching new people is always more or less a 10% ratio anyway. One of the keys to not get turned down too much is to expect A LOT of failure - around 90%.

Talented salesmen and Romeos have basically the same ratio, the reason why they apparently never fail is that they can spot their lucky 10% right away. Of course, great looks can help, and charisma too. I've heard the Toastmasters International clubs can help people gain speaking skills, but I have no idea how it works, if there's fees or whatever. I've contemplated trying that eventually.

 

[HappyYogi]

I have to respectfully disagree with you two about dating sites.

Yes, I know many have not had good experiences but millions have found love on them.

I personally only had good experiences. When I first got online I met high quality/intelligent men and enjoyed it enormously. I think it's the site you choose. If you choose one that tend to attract quality people you will get that.

Also for me, my life I was not meeting single men. I live in a major metropolitian area that is strongly gay...nice for the neighborhood but bad for meeting a straight male. Also, my interests dance, etc were mostly female orientated. I didn't drink and go to bars. I didn't do sports. So I went online.

And WOW! All of the sudden I was introduced to many quality men. All of them were intelligent, had some class, etc.

Many single books say for older single women online dating can be a godsend.

The partner I am with right now, a successful man, I found online. He is intelligent and sensitive.

We would not have met if it wasn't for online dating! I felt comfortable with him the first date and it was wonderful!

So I respectfully disagree that it's "bad". It's been very very very good for many of us AND in many ways it's better. You can get a lot of info on a person right off, for example.

I think it's wonderful aspect of our modern lives. It's an introduction service that is all. Once you are introduced than nature and feelings take it's course.

 

[Arsenic Queen]

HappyYogi, your situation is an exception. I know there is. I keep thinking you've only been super lucky very quickly. No offense.

 

[roguewave]

I have to disagree with all of the negativity on this thread about dating sites.
With online dating, before the two of you even meet in person you should get to know each other online first. Talk about your values and what you're looking for in a partner. This takes weeks to months. It seems like you actually want a serious girlfriend or wife so set some boundaries like not being intimate until both of you are serious about the relationship.
Obviously this is going to send the women packing that are only interested in a fling or casual sex.
People have forgotten about courting. Most don't even know what it is or how to do it. I know couples who have courted each other, starting online, very successfully and they are still together.
Courting is important (whether online or in real life) because it sloooooows down the dating process and gives you both time to think and react without feeling pressured.