edgecrusher
Well-known member
What do you do when your type is likely so rare that you feel that it is likely you will never find someone? I am 32 and have never known what to do with myself. I basically just sort of drift through life. I have no idea what comes after this life but I have no reason to expect that there is anything so I feel like if I can't find what to do with myself it would be great to have someone to drift with. I feel like if I can't find that, then what am I doing? I am just existing.
I want a deep, intimate and legitimate connection. A nerdy gamer girl who also does not want kids and is in no way religious. She would probably be quiet and introverted like me, which means she is probably at home and doesn't talk with people much either. The type where she is also my best friend and it's basically just us the majority of the time. I feel like the type of connection I want is also a rare thing. It's this amazing and uniquely human thing to connect with someone like that and I want it so bad yet it feels so out of reach. I'm finding it hard to fall asleep again because I am just laying there... alone. I would normally be in bed right now but I am not because of that feeling.
I have no idea how to find this person. I feel like I'm getting close to the point where it's becoming so unlikely that I should start considering that it will never happen. Which I find to be.... depressing. I'm 32 and have only been with one person. I loathe the idea of it being "the dating game" and think that entire process is just.... stupid. If you like someone you like them. I'm also way too shy to even be blunt and tell someone I like them anyway. Assuming I could find someone to tell in the first place. And when someone piques my interest, I tend to fall pretty hard right off the bat.
There is this mostly quiet and cute gamer girl at work who I actually managed to get myself to make non work conversation with a few times. She seems really cool and she seemed to make several attempts to talk with me. I got her gamertag and we played together some and I was so proud of myself for overcoming my extreme shyness when it comes to this. It's something that has been SO hard for me my entire life and it has caused me a lot of grief. But.... I found out she has a boyfriend when she told me about a game he got her into. It was so crushing to hear that. She is the first person that I was legitimately interested in since that one person I have been with over a year ago. I rarely find someone that I am interested in in general anyway. Now it feels like this big "back to the drawing board" thing and it's leaving me feeling pretty low right now.
I want a deep, intimate and legitimate connection. A nerdy gamer girl who also does not want kids and is in no way religious. She would probably be quiet and introverted like me, which means she is probably at home and doesn't talk with people much either. The type where she is also my best friend and it's basically just us the majority of the time. I feel like the type of connection I want is also a rare thing. It's this amazing and uniquely human thing to connect with someone like that and I want it so bad yet it feels so out of reach. I'm finding it hard to fall asleep again because I am just laying there... alone. I would normally be in bed right now but I am not because of that feeling.
I have no idea how to find this person. I feel like I'm getting close to the point where it's becoming so unlikely that I should start considering that it will never happen. Which I find to be.... depressing. I'm 32 and have only been with one person. I loathe the idea of it being "the dating game" and think that entire process is just.... stupid. If you like someone you like them. I'm also way too shy to even be blunt and tell someone I like them anyway. Assuming I could find someone to tell in the first place. And when someone piques my interest, I tend to fall pretty hard right off the bat.
There is this mostly quiet and cute gamer girl at work who I actually managed to get myself to make non work conversation with a few times. She seems really cool and she seemed to make several attempts to talk with me. I got her gamertag and we played together some and I was so proud of myself for overcoming my extreme shyness when it comes to this. It's something that has been SO hard for me my entire life and it has caused me a lot of grief. But.... I found out she has a boyfriend when she told me about a game he got her into. It was so crushing to hear that. She is the first person that I was legitimately interested in since that one person I have been with over a year ago. I rarely find someone that I am interested in in general anyway. Now it feels like this big "back to the drawing board" thing and it's leaving me feeling pretty low right now.