Anyone Been Here?

[Ncarter57]

For the past eight months, I've been sleeping with this one certain guy. He's the only person I have been with, and I lost my virginity to him. When we started having sex, I didn't really expect to get much out of it. We were each others' booty call, if you want to be blunt. But recently, I've developed strong feelings for him. And each time we're together, he leads me on by talk of a relationship. But I just discovered, through a mutual friend, that he is totally using me and he thinks very badly of me. He called me some rude and hurtful names, and it really broke my heart. I know I'm the one to blame, because I allowed our "relationship" to progress to this point with no strings attached, and I'm trying to move on, but I think about him all the time. I don't know what to do. Has anyone else been here?

 

[h i]

nope. never.

 

[Badjedidude]

I can't say that I've ever been there myself, but I can say that I'm glad to hear you say that you're trying to move on...because that's what you should do. Guys like that don't change--the only thing you can do is stay away and realize that this was just a painful life lesson...and not make the same mistake again!

----Steve

 

[celestial]

The best thing to do is find someone else, im sure you will soon forget about him when your having a good time in a new relationship, jsut take it slower next time

I had an experience that is simlar but different i was seeing a girl for a few months on holiday, we got along really well and i felt very close to her. However when i returned home i got a phone call on my mobile from a guy claiming to be her husband. Aparently he found my number on her phone and of course wasnt to pleased about it. He told me to stay away from her and to not go looking for her in my home conutry which i was planning to do. I felt a little heart broken. She then told me she wanted to leave him and didnt tell me because she was scared i wouldnt want to stay with her. However i figured it best to leave her after she lied to me like that. I specifically asked her about being married when we were together and she told me she wasnt. I felt upset for a few months after that but as soon as i met someone else i quickly lost all those feelings i had for her.

 

[jjam]

I started scratching my head when you said you're the one to blame. I... I don't get it. You're blaming yourself for having strong feelings for someone who led you to believe he had strong feelings for you too?

 

[FoolOnTheHill]

Hey i have been there, i have been misled by girls before, i have done it back. i think the real question is if your going to continue to let yourself be fooled. you have to find some one who is going to be completely transparent with you so that you don't get hurt and you don't hurt them. honesty is always the best policy.

 

[Ncarter57]

Thanks for the replies and support. It gets a little bit easier every day, but he's still always on my mind.

Jjam, I blame myself (partially) because I allowed it to progress to the point where feelings got involved. I knew in my logical mind that if he really did have feelings for me he would take me out, talk to me more often during the day, etc. But I kept dismissing the actual truth by fooling myself, hoping that one day he would grow feelings too. He would sometimes lead me on by discussing love and relationships and all that, but now I know it was just to keep me coming back. Why be in a relationship with me if I'm already giving him the fun part without the commitment?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I was in a relationship that got toxic.
My ex-gf relapsed into her addiction after we had been together for 7 years. I was very attached to her emotionally.
The past 5 years was a living hell or the twilightzone....
It got so bad. I didn't belive the words that came out of her mouth.
She said all she wanted was someone to fresia and to go gambling.
During our seperations I started circling dates of when we had sex...
We were having more sex while we were separated than when we
were together...

I'm not sure if I developed sex addiction during the chaso..
It's wierd...I know, becuase I'm a guy.I wanted more from
that relationship than sex. I felt very hurted and alone.
I was mentally and emotionally torn up by it all. I couldn't
even think straight after a while. I just wanted her to love me back.
I want to go to San Fransico to have brakefest. I wanted to
to go for a stroll on the beach as a couple. I wanted to go camping
like we used to when we first met. I wanted to go to the movies with
her. I wanted someone I can talk and listen to. I wanted to love and hold her.
I have plenty of hot and steamy sex stories I can tell that I had with
my ex. We did it all the time...anywhere and everywhere.
It was a cycle of madness...I was constantly understress and we had
sex all the time....yet I nevered felt loved nor we had anything in common,
communicated nor a healhty relationship.

I felt very guilty for the longest time..becuase she would blurrrr out
" I love you" to me everyday. Yet we couldn't even go out and have dinner, to the movies or to marriage counseling. She promise everytime...
but never did any of those things.

Yes I too had hope that she would get sober or well someday.
It was as if a totally different person came into my life after she
relapsed. I blamed myself for the longest time for not being able
to break away from her. I felt very guilty that I couldn't save her.
No matter how much I did , how much I prayed, how much I stood
by her side...she nevered loved me back. I spent 5 years of my life
doing that and I felt stupid.

Please don't blame yourself.
Give yourself time and a chance to heal.
It's easier said than done...I went back to her over and over again
and again.

 

[heretostay]

I blame myself (partially) because I allowed it to progress to the point where feelings got involved. I knew in my logical mind that if he really did have feelings for me he would take me out, talk to me more often during the day, etc. But I kept dismissing the actual truth by fooling myself, hoping that one day he would grow feelings too.

I know how you feel. I have been in your shoes. I felt like such a fool years later when i finally figured out what was really going on.

I dont feel like a fool anymore, though. Ive done a lot of reading, and some growing up, and i now know that a lot of the decision i made were based off of my childhood. its nothing i could control. that is what im coming to grips with. i handled things the only way i knew how with the only tools i was given.

so try not to beat yourself up about it. you dont get to choose the tools you have for learning in life. unfortunately you probably have a lack of love and that's why you desperately craved what this guy could give you, even if it wasnt exactly what you wanted. try to find love in other places in your life other then from a guy.