Are guys much lonelier than girls?

[lonelyloser]

It seems that the definition of "lonely" differs for guys and girls. I have talked to many guys on this site who have never had a close emotional relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Not only that, they believe that they will NEVER be loved by anyone. On the other hand, many girls on this site have boyfriends/husbands. I have never seen a married guy on this site (although maybe I have and just didn't know it).

I believe that some guys would be comfortable just having a girlfriend and no other friends. However, for girls this is not enough...they need their outside social circle, esp. if the boyfriend neglects them.

So the conclusion seems to be that guys have more severe loneliness, but it can be changed by bringing just one person into their lives. Girls have had more close relationships, but they are many times still lonely even with a rather large social network. For guys, being lonely means not having a girlfriend, whereas for girls, being lonely means not having a balanced social life.

 

[jales]

so how does this make guys more lonely?

it seems to make girls more lonely cause not even having a boyfriend could satisfy us; we need more.. we prolly suffer from loneliness on a deep level to begin with if what you say is true.

 

[JustLost]

It seems that the definition of "lonely" differs for guys and girls. I have talked to many guys on this site who have never had a close emotional relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Not only that, they believe that they will NEVER be loved by anyone. On the other hand, many girls on this site have boyfriends/husbands. I have never seen a married guy on this site (although maybe I have and just didn't know it).

I still think there's this backwards tendency for many women to expect men to approach them first when initiating a relationship. Lots of guys suffer from low self esteem and feel terrified approaching someone they're attracted to. Many times, if a woman is lonely, all she has to do is sit outside somewhere for awhile, look bored and BAM...there's a guy in her face wanting to talk to her. This method doesn't really work the same for most men. Or at least it doesn't for me (DAMMIT!)

Women have had equal rights for a long time now. You can all vote and hold political office. There's no reason you can't go up to a guy you like and ask him to dance.

 

[lonelyloser]

Many times, if a woman is lonely, all she has to do is sit outside somewhere for awhile, look bored and BAM...there's a guy in her face wanting to talk to her.

This is SO true! Women have many more options if they are lonely. If a guy has no one, he is basically screwed. If you go to a club, look around and see how many single guys there are waiting to talk to a girl, ANY girl. Single women are fine just talking to their girlfriends (many do not care about hooking up at all), and you will rarely find one hanging out alone.

Jales - I know what you're saying. But many guys are so lonely to the point of numbness because they've never had anyone close to them. We'll just sit in our room all day and play video games. When I was in college I did not see many women just sitting at home wasting time on the computer...

 

[Almond]

Women have had equal rights for a long time now. You can all vote and hold political office. There's no reason you can't go up to a guy you like and ask him to dance.

Just being able to vote and hold political office does not mean that women have equal rights. Women are far from ever having equal rights and I see women asking men out and chasing them around all of the time. I think that just depletes our rights even more.

 

[Cosmic Kid]

Next time you're in a book store...take a stoll over to the magazine rack. Can you tell which magazines are geared toward male and/or female?

Women...
Relationships, relationships, sex,"10 ways to more intimacy", "how to get and keep a man", "how to balance work and home life", "Love: Is it Real?" "one night stands, are they for you?" relationships, "how to lose 10 pounds", "Is he really Mr. Right?" relationships, etc
Anyone seeing a pattern here? (emotions, feelings, etc)


Men...
Cars, motorcycles, airplanes, wall street journal
I'm sure I must've left somethin' out! (things)

It's no wonder to me why, on average, women out-live men.

 

[lonelyloser]

Just being able to vote and hold political office does not mean that women have equal rights. Women are far from ever having equal rights and I see women asking men out and chasing them around all of the time. I think that just depletes our rights even more.

Can you give me an example of how women don't have equal rights? Some women do ask men out, but a large majority wait to get asked out by men. Men have to deal with rejection a lot more than women do, on average.

I don't think this is really the point of the thread. The point is that women can go on easier than men if they don't have a significant other. So many guys here post threads about how life sucks being a virgin, but I don't see girls doing that. The whole loneliness thing is in many ways about sex. Sex (or lack of) has different implications for men and women.

 

[Almond]

An example of how women still don't have equal rights is getting paid less for doing the same job. Even the women that wait for men to ask them out still do a lot of the chasing themselves. It's just that most men are a little too distracted or something to notice.

I know it wasn't the point of the post. I just had to reply to that saying about women having equal rights. I see girls complaining about being a virgin a lot too. It's just we tend to complain about those things between ourselves. So many women I know are miserable because they don't have a boyfriend or husband yet. I really think its the same for both sexes. It's just that men are more quicker to voice it all.

Can you give me an example of how women don't have equal rights? Some women do ask men out, but a large majority wait to get asked out by men. Men have to deal with rejection a lot more than women do, on average.

I don't think this is really the point of the thread. The point is that women can go on easier than men if they don't have a significant other. So many guys here post threads about how life sucks being a virgin, but I don't see girls doing that. The whole loneliness thing is in many ways about sex. Sex (or lack of) has different implications for men and women.

 

[JustLost]

Just being able to vote and hold political office does not mean that women have equal rights.

OK. I don't want to argue about anything. That's not why I'm here. Plus, I don't want to derail someone else's thread.

I see women asking men out and chasing them around all of the time. I think that just depletes our rights even more.

Could you give these women my address? They can deplete my rights if they want. It's been awhile since I've had a good depleting.

 

[Almond]

I don't want to argue about anything either or derail someone else's thread but when I see something that's just out of order I say something.

OK. I don't want to argue about anything. That's not why I'm here. Plus, I don't want to derail someone else's thread.

I was talking about the rights of women not men. That's kind of obvious since by how I used the word our. So unless you're a woman and I never realized it then I can't see how that could be switched around into depleting your rights as a man.

I see women asking men out and chasing them around all of the time. I think that just depletes our rights even more.

Could you give these women my address? They can deplete my rights if they want. It's been awhile since I've had a good depleting.

 

[lonelyloser]

If you're talking about equal rights - women have the RIGHT to get the same pay as men, but they don't necessarily get the same pay in reality...But I would even argue that women do get the same pay these days. I have worked in the corporate world and I know for a fact that the women at the firm had equal pay as men if they did the same job. They were treated just like men, and many of the partners were women.

I see WAYYYYYYY more single guys looking for gfs on online dating sites than girls looking for bfs. I have tried these sites, but it is near impossible just to get a woman to talk to you. It's just like my club example. If an average guy knew a girl liked him, he would get very excited and at least go out with the girl. But if an average girl knew a guy liked her, she would be hesitant to go out with him and it would probably lead to a rejection. So which gender seems more lonely?

If women are going around chasing men, then that increases their rights, in my opinion. If they didn't do this or society forbade them from doing so, then that would mean they had limited rights. Moreover, so many women complain about how they are not finding the right guy, this guy was a jerk, this guy was a player, blah blah...whereas most guys are happy just to have a girlfriend!!! So it seems that women have the luxury of being extremely picky when it comes to men, but men cannot be so choosy...thus proving my hypothesis that men in general are much lonelier.

 

[Almond]

Why are men so picky then? This is the first place online where I see guys downing themselves so much and saying they don't care about what kind of woman they're with. Usually the guys are super uppity and really choosy. The funny thing about all of this is that I think you're right. Men are probably more lonely than women but we just don't see eye to eye on the reasons why.

 

[JustLost]

I don't want to argue about anything either or derail someone else's thread but when I see something that's just out of order I say something.

I changed my mind. I think I might have to argue a bit. It isn't out of order to say that women have equal rights. They do. Many of the women in my company make more money than I do and they've been here for far less time. Pretty much any job that men can do are open to women (at least the ones you all care about having). I'm sorry you feel persecuted by me simply because I have a penis, but I didn't really have a choice in the matter.

You're preaching to the wrong person. I love women and think you should all be able to do whatever you want.

I was talking about the rights of women not men. That's kind of obvious since by how I used the word our. So unless you're a woman and I never realized it then I can't see how that could be switched around into depleting your rights as a man.

Huh? You said that you see many women who chase men around, so I asked if you could give them my address and deplete "my" rights. I was trying to lighten the mood a little with humor, but you decided to turn it into something completely different.

 

[Blue Sky]

Well the topic here is, are guys much lonelier than girls. I have thought about this, and at first I would have answered yes, but I have changed my mind. I think that alot of both men and women have been forced into there loneliness and isolation due to the way society is today, because they might not measure up in certian areas. Maybe due to shyness, a deformity, mental illness, overweight, not good looking enough, social phobia, oh there are too many of them to name. And this can affect both sexes. As for who is the loneliest? Well I think that is more of an individual thing rather than being male or female.

 

[lonelyloser]

Well the topic here is, are guys much lonelier than girls. I have thought about this, and at first I would have answered yes, but I have changed my mind. I think that alot of both men and women have been forced into there loneliness and isolation due to the way society is today, because they might not measure up in certian areas. Maybe due to shyness, a deformity, mental illness, overweight, not good looking enough, social phobia, oh there are too many of them to name. And this can affect both sexes. As for who is the loneliest? Well I think that is more of an individual thing rather than being male or female.

I agree to an extent, Blue Sky. If you're born with a certain condition, or have impediments that prevent you from being socially acceptable, then there is not much you can do, and that is gender-neutral. However, I was just trying to say that men ON AVERAGE are lonelier, as I have seen through my experience. Women like ALPHA MALES and those who are not of that status will struggle to find his place in society, especially in the dating pool. Whether this is due to societal norms, or Darwin's theory of natural selection, or both, I leave that decision up to you. But in a society where women are traditionally approached by men, the most aggressive and good looking males will claim a majority of the females, leaving the rest to loneliness and isolation. It's very simple logic.

On the flip side, women with both weak and strong personalities can be very desirable, as pointed out by Mimizu. Thus, it is easier for women to find a mate, if she desires one. The recent trend in male behavior in relationships, however, has caused women to become more cautious, leaving both genders more lonely.

 

[Almond]

You'll have to do it alone then because I don't come here to argue. Your view is that women have equal rights and my view is that we don't. There are things that we go through as women that men could never see and understand. I don't feel persecuted simply because you have a penis. You seem to feel self conscious of the fact though since you are the one who brought it up.

I changed my mind. I think I might have to argue a bit. It isn't out of order to say that women have equal rights. They do. Many of the women in my company make more money than I do and they've been here for far less time. Pretty much any job that men can do are open to women (at least the ones you all care about having). I'm sorry you feel persecuted by me simply because I have a penis, but I didn't really have a choice in the matter.

You're preaching to the wrong person. I love women and think you should all be able to do whatever you want.

Except disagree with you apparently.
I wasn't preaching to anyone. All I was doing was pointing out facts as I see them.

Huh? You said that you see many women who chase men around, so I asked if you could give them my address and deplete "my" rights. I was trying to lighten the mood a little with humor, but you decided to turn it into something completely different.

If that was humor then I'm sorry. It seemed as if you were the one trying to switch things around and that just seemed sarcastic to me. I think it's more than ok for us not to see things the same.

 

[Almond]

I can't stand alpha males. I find them arrogant, pig headed, and self centered.

Women like ALPHA MALES

BlueSky has said it the best way I think.

 

[Blue Sky]

I have read through these posts and found alot is focused on relationships. Well just because your in a relationship, it doesn't mean that everything is going to be rosey, and you won't feel lonely. There have been quite a few people come onto this forum who are in a relationship, some even with families and they were extremely lonely. Both men and women.

 

[LonelyCollegeStudent]

Just being able to vote and hold political office does not mean that women have equal rights. Women are far from ever having equal rights and I see women asking men out and chasing them around all of the time. I think that just depletes our rights even more.

What? Actually women probably have more rights than men nowadays. Too many young men are screwing up their lives with drugs and crime than ever before. And woman really aren't. The prisons keep filling with males. And many males are having a hard time getting through school when compared to woman as well; we just can't focus as well for whatever reasons. Heck, I'm lucky to even be alive really, I was pretty bent up in High School and if it wasn't for not having an easy way to kill myself, I wouldn't even be posting here today.

Heck, the one women I loved left me because I had a medical condition (hypothyroid, which I've just recently figured out. She left because she felt I was lazy and wouldn't do the more trivial things she wanted; that's because I was always tired!); so I would say she had more rights than me being able to leave me after two years without any concern or regret, even though I was madly in love with her. Plus woman are usually the one's to break a relationship up or divorce. It's so easy for them to find other partners and fulfill all their too selfish high maintenance wants and desires (like wanting to date a taller person. I've been told that). I call that having more rights than men.

But anyway, hell, in computer engineering in my field, because there aren't nearly as many woman as men, women get higher precedence in obtaining a job. It's bull and is sexist and illegal, but how can you prove it? Oh well...

An example of how women still don't have equal rights is getting paid less for doing the same job. Even the women that wait for men to ask them out still do a lot of the chasing themselves. It's just that most men are a little too distracted or something to notice.

That's not an example. You are just saying women get paid less for doing the same job. How about an example?

And let's face it. It's like someone said, go online and you see many more men trying to find women on online sites. So unless a woman is really overweight or has facial deformalities or some kind of illness or fear or handicap which keeps you from meeting new people, then that woman would not have any trouble finding a guy. And not only that, but the woman can be picky as hell since there are so many guys to choose from. For example, here is a pretty basic one that woman have:

1. Must make me always laugh (never make them sad)
2. Must be taller than me (at least)
3. Must have a car and a job and your own place (ok, so that takes out most guys that are looking for genuine women and might be in college or working through college or just might live with room mates or friends or family to help support family)
4. Must be in a great shape
5. Must be independent and wealthy enough to travel a lot
6. Must just want to have fun (because that's all you do in life)
7. Must be an absolute gentlemen (because if we aren't waiting hand and foot on a woman then she doesn't deserve us and if we do then that doesn't make us EQUAL in what we give eachother in the relationship)
8. (Insert anything I forgot)

So in the grand scheme of things I'm be willing to bet that if you averaged out the different kinds of loneliness a person can feel when, when compared to women and men, you'd find women are less lonely; how much so would just be further speculation on my part so I won't say further on this. But again, I'd definitely be willing to bet women are less lonely on average compared to men.

P.S. Views are important to have as an individual in a society with a democratic value put into everything we do, but if a view doesn't have the facts to support it, then it becomes more of an assumption. I'm not intending to be derogatory here, but it has to be said.

 

[lonelyloser]

I can't stand alpha males. I find them arrogant, pig headed, and self centered.

You chastised me for making a generalization, but isn't this a big generalization as well? My ex boss was a perfect example of an alpha male - he was good looking, successful, highly superior, and assertive. However he was not pigheaded at all and was completely egalitarian in the way he dealt with his coworkers. I must say again that ON AVERAGE women like alpha males because they want someone who is dominant. They don't like nice guys or weaker guys because they would just step all over them and they think that is pathetic.

I agree with LonelyCollegeStudent about how women have much more opportunities today than men. Getting a job in many fields is easier for women because they are the minority. If you want to get into business school, you can get in with lower scores/gpa than men. The world of business and technology is for lack of better terminology a sausage fest and women not only have their choice of where they want to work but who they want to date as well. If you don't believe me, just go to New York for a few days.