Auto pilot

[Needles]

Have you ever felt like what you are experiencing isn't real? Or in other words, do you ever get the feeling like you are experiencing something through someone elses body? It feels kind of like you are inside someone elses head and what you are doing just doesn't seem like it's reality. Like at any moment you could wake up and escape this dream. You are controlling your movements and actions yet it feels like you aren't. It often feels like I am the camera in Truman's eye or that I am just floating around in my head as my body goes about its business.

I've started to notice this more and more as I sit in my boring, dreary classes day to day staring at the pages in my notebook with an insatiable desire for something—anything—to happen. Wishing the doodles on my paper would spring to life and take me away.

I was sitting in class today taking my mechanical pencil apart and putting it back together when this feeling happened in the most profound way yet. It felt as if I was just on auto-pilot, like I had that remote from Click and had just fast forwarded through the boring parts but somehow I still had a presence in my head. I think it might be due to the monotony of my life here at school. Wake up > class > eat shitty food > class > eat shitty food > class > sit on my computer > watch tv > go to bed > repeat. It feels like it's getting worse and worse, almost like I have this build up inside of me ready to burst if this lifestyle continues. If I've come to that realization then I should do something about it, right? But I don't feel like I can. I can't find anything that makes me happy and I can't find anything that I truly enjoy doing. Sure I can find things to do that are fun for an hour or so, but I never want to do them again and I don't feel truly happy or truly fulfilled in this quest for happiness.

Well I could go on but I think it would put most of you to sleep. So, I guess I just needed to write this down. Thanks for reading if you did and if any of you have had these feelings before feel free to post about it or pm please. Do any of you struggle to find something that makes you truly happy? Or do you ever feel like you are just on auto-pilot and you can't get off it? Thanks again for reading.

 

[Minus]

Have you ever felt like what you are experiencing isn't real? Or in other words, do you ever get the feeling like you are experiencing something through someone elses body? It feels kind of like you are inside someone elses head and what you are doing just doesn't seem like it's reality. Like at any moment you could wake up and escape this dream. You are controlling your movements and actions yet it feels like you aren't.

Pretty much only it isn't someone else's body. It is me only i am not really connected to it.

 

[Solace]

I've been there, I was severely depressed at the time. It was aweful, and a long way back to where life isn't drudgery.

I'd wake up and think oh CRAP you mean there was a day after that terrible one I had yesterday? Doesn't life ever just go on holiday and stop? Isn't there an end or something soon?

Well spring break is soon, do you go home for that? How is home life? Any better than school?

You should do something exciting. Is there anything you've been wanting to do for a while? If you take a day off of school what will it kill your grades? Maybe take a long weekend and take a trip home if it's close enough.

Maybe take a saturday and drive to the beach if it's a few hours away. Or a park, or somewhere you'd like to go that's outside of the town you're in. Anything to break up the monotony.

And I sooo know what you're talking about when you said you wished your doodles would come to life. I take classes where the teacher is at another campus while we're scribbling lecture notes down. There are cameras and stuff, and sometimes I imagine the cameras catching a crime in action or something. It's so boring.

Maybe you should try to do something rewarding. Volunteer or something of that nature?

 

[SimizAkri]

Yeah.
I have felt that exact feeling for a few years now.
I feel as if I'm chained down with no way to stop auto-pilot.
Searching for happiness often leads me to a dead end.

But for me, some of the most joyous moments of my life occured right after I overcame a fear.
Maybe you should try something completely new that just wouldn't be something you'd do.
Go out of your comfort zone and see where it leads you.
Maybe you'll experience something amazing.=]

 

[samba101]

Yes I've felt that too but that used to be my entire life in my mid twenties, nothing to do, nothing to see, no one to do it with since my boyfriend practically worked all the time. I was so lonely and would drink to compensate the fact, but now my life has changed so it's not so bad now. I can't recall the times that I cried but I know I spent years doing it.