Baby can you get me some coke?

[Brian]

Is it entirely one sided?

I ask my girlfriend to get me things now and then, or quite frequently ask her to stop and get me a coffee if she's coming to visit. I also tend to decide on almost all our dates, and if we're having dinner and I want something specific that she makes, I ask her for that. If that's all someone saw they'd have a similar reaction to yours, I imagine.

What they don't see though is that I give her unfathomable numbers of surprise backrubs and cook lots of nice meals. If I ask her to surprise me with dinner, she insists I decide on what I want. and every time I ask her what she wants to do she tells me to decide because I'm the spontaneous one between the two of us. It's give and take. Certainly there is a point where favors become unreasonable and turn in to demands...but I think in a comfortable relationship, gender wars take a back seat to just doing things for each other. Rhonda's a very independent and capable girl, not to mention quite outspoken, but we don't sit on every decision checking the Codex of Gender Equality to make sure something isn't sexist.

I also have a female co-worker...she's an incredibly good Paramedic. But her dream is to have four kids with her boyfriend and be a homemaker, maybe work part time. She's that woman who asks to see everybody's baby and just loves kids. Some people just have different priorities and/or fall on varying ranges of the Scale between masculine or feminine. As long as they're happy with what they have and are aware of the alternatives, isn't that a good thing?

I'm not criticizing you, I'm just saying make sure you have the full story. If you do see it all and he doesn't reciprocate in any way, then yeah, that's kind of messed up.

 

[Emma ruby]

you all didnt get me lol

do you think i have a problem with getting someone a drink... NO

my problem is when it becomes a happit, not only about drinks about every little thing like go out get some sweets or go put the hot water on for me to have a shower, those little things that comes together and become a whole issue

when my bf comes around i do things for him too without him asking and this is out of love or care or what ever but if my bf got used of it then here when we have to stop ...

my point from my story was to show the act witch i dont like that keeps repeating it self over and over and over for hours and days and weeks and only my eyes see it because "and thank you god for that" ITS WRONG

 

[Joseph]

I'm not sure how old you are, Emma. But you seem well-intentioned and basically well-mannered.

Has it occured to you that unless your friend is being abused (as in literal verbal or actual physical abuse), that the dynamics in her romantic relationship are none of your business?

Not trying to be a dick. Just wondering if you realize this...

 

[slappopkarl]

Hmm I get the feeling some woman are either stupid or like to be treated like crap. I would never treat a woman like that. Been brought up with old fashion manners.

 

[Emma ruby]

Joe YOU ARE RIGHT.. i didnt put my nose in anyone relationship tho instead i wrote what i felt online

 

[nerdygirl]

Hi, Emma Ruby. It's sweet of you to want to protect your friend, but confronting the boyfriend on a dynamic of their relationship that was bothering you not only wouldn't help, but could cause problems.

If he felt sorry, he might stop asking her to do things for him, which could make her feel unneeded. If he felt angry, he might accuse her of complaining to you behind his back, instead of talking to him. Either of these would increase tension between them.

Is this behaviour out of character for your friend? Does he do nice things for her? Most important: Is your friend happy? It would probably be a good idea to chat with her privately. If she is being abused, she's very unlikely to admit it in front of him.

I'm very dominating- as in leather and riding crops, making men polish my boots, and all of that jazz. This covers both my personal and professional life. Some people would be just as angry as you are if they saw the way I treat men some of the time... not because I do anything that is inherently wrong, but because it's something they wouldn't enjoy. I'm pretty sure, though, that I'm not a monster or a jerk. It could be that he isn't, either.

 

[jales]

hi
Well i would get the coke or whatever he wants everytime he ask, and I'm sure he would get it for me as well.
I like when my husband ask me to do things for him.

We are all different.

 

[Joseph]

Maybe they have a special language...

"Baby, get me a coke" (and she does)

means...

"You are getting some hot oral later!" (and she does)

NOW, WHO WOULD JUDGE THAT HARSHLY?

 

[tangerinedream]

I'll get anyone just about anything if asked politely. It's not that big of a deal. I may be a feminist, but that does not mean I take even politely-worded requests as some sort of brutally repressive commands in disguise.

You probably aren't privy to their whole relationship. It's quite possible he fetches things for her or reciprocates in some other way.

 

[smarty24]

If she accept such kind of his behavior maybe she is actually enjoying in that ?