Bad experience with police officer

[illi]

Today I finally realized that I cannot just keep avoiding social contact forever. Eventually it will backfire on me. Here's what happened.

I go on walks to get exercise but due to extreme social anxiety, running into people or even just passing them when I go on walks is a miserable, nerve-wrecking experience for me. Because of this I take them in the early morning (3-5 am) so no one will see me. (Pathetic, I know.) Anyway, today I was going on my walk and I saw headlights coming up behind me. And the thing is, this is the first time this has ever happened. This is a fairly quiet neighborhood during the day so there's almost no one at night. But as the car approaches me it starts slowing down and I start getting terrified, wondering if I'm about to get kidnapped or something... I have my cell phone in hand and I start wondering if maybe the car is slowing down to turn into the next driveway or something so I stop and I turn and imagine my shock/horror when I discover it's a POLICE car, completely stopped!

So now I'm thinking, Oh my God, can you imagine how this looks? I'm out here walking at 3 am!! He probably thinks I'm a criminal or something so I get all terrified and the thing is, I get anxious talking to anyone, even people I've known for years, so talking to this man who not only have I never met before but is a police officer was very frightening for me.

Anyway, he asked, "How are things going for you?" And I manage to stutter out in a loud, high pitch voice (thinking, Oh God, now I'm waking up the neighbors and just feeling so embarrassed), "Fine... how, how are they going for you?" "Good... so where do you live?" "Um, over that way," I say kind of pointing. At this point my heart is racing and I know I'm coming off badly but I don't know what to say or how to say it, and afterwards I always know how I SHOULD have handled the situation but when I feel startled I just can never think of what to say.

So the police officer sort of scoffs and goes, "What's 'over that way?'" And of course all I can manage to do is repeat what I just said, "Over that way... [street name]."

And he goes, "So what are you doing out here?" And I mean, what am I supposed to say? The truth is "Just going for a walk" but my God how suspicious does that sound, and I really need to say something to account for the fact that it's 3 in the morning, and I can't tell him about the social anxiety - I mean I just met him and I'm expected to reveal this huge part of my life to him? But I have to say something so I'm scrambling to come up with an answer. After a long pause and a bunch of mumbling I finally manage to stutter, "Um, um, I can't sleep and this... uh... this sometimes helps."

So after what feels like hours (even though it couldn't have been more than a few minutes) he finally drives off and I'm just left completely shaken up. And I'm realizing that if I don't fix myself soon my social ineptness is likely to backfire a lot worse than that. And the thing is, I've tried to copy the personalities of people I see on TV or celebrities or people I know and just always ask myself, "What would ____ do" but I can never keep it going for more than about 30 seconds before I forget and end up drifting back to my old self.

All I can do is keep thinking about the situation and how I wish I'd handled it and what I should have done differently and how all of those people I sometimes try to copy would have each handled the situation.

Has anyone else ever had an experience like this? What's the best way to get over it? I always spend so long thinking about the tiniest thing. I mean earlier today I was playing in my head over and over a particular situation that happened YEARS ago!! Now this is just one more being added to my memory for all eternity.

And I mean now I'm scared to go on walks at all, no matter what time it is...

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I started attending support groups again about 8 months ago.
mmm..I felt sick to my stomuch and was shaking all over.
A lady spoke to me. She told me, it was okay...she knew why I shaking.
She isolated herself for a while. I made myself attend meetings everyday.
I sat in the back in a conner and staired at the walls.

I made myself go outside everyday. I kept people at a distance...but at least I was around people.
LOL..I'm taking mid-night walks again. I'd be nervous if a cop stops me, even if I wasn't doing anything wrong.

Graudaully I was able to hold conversation with people.
Support groups meetings helps. I havn't been able to get up on stage and speak in front of a crowd.
However, I can share opening about whatever it is I need to say or let out in a room full of people.
This helps alot...in inneracting with people again.

It wasn't easy becuase being around people annoyed the heck out of me.
People having a conversation about whatever wasn't interesting to me...I thought it was piontless
whether a conversation was intelligent or not. It test my patience and tolerance...
But I did it...becuase I knew I had to learn how to be around humans again.

Don't worry... on a good day I still think everybody on this planet is retarded

OCD...well, that's why I practice letting go.
Mediation helps.
I hated it when my mind gose into a storm...
mmm, I treat it like I'm having a good day...all those thoughts are retarded...I don't
try to figure them out or entertain them anymore..basically I let them go.

Maybe you can reserch about meditations...
It's not as difficult as you think.
It just takes practice. It helps quite the mind or helps you let go of your thoughts.

Or you can write about it...as you're doing now.
It's on paper and not in your mind.
The more I write about what issues I have, the less I think about it.
Sometimes I might have to write it over and over again, Eventaully I stop having obsessive thoughts.

Maybe you can try going to the mall.
I made myself go by myself and just sat at a local mall....watch thousandss of people walk by me.
Everyonce in a while I'll go shoping my myself.
Bascailly force myself to be around people and get out of my comfortzone (cave.lol)

 

[Naval_Fluff]

Most police offivers are ********. When I got arrested the first thing the cop said to me was "You're stupid" That was back whenI cut and was eriously considering ending my life, and that comment really didn't help. Why are you so worried about people seeing you, if you don't mind me asking. Is it somethin about your physical appearance? When I used to be homeschooled I would go way out of my way to make sure no one said hi, thinking that I would be too wierd and scare them off. But soon I realised that no one really cares too much about how you look, or how loud you act. People are actually more accepting then we make them out to be.

 

[Nyktimos]

Believe it or not, police have this reaction on most people. There's something about people in authority, whose job it is to make sure you're doing nothing wrong, that makes people nervous. I think you handled it pretty well. But, to be honest, the truth would probably have done.

And I mean now I'm scared to go on walks at all, no matter what time it is...

You should probably feel better knowing the police are patrolling the area you walk.

 

[illi]

Thank you for your suggestions, Lonesome Crow. I actually attended a church for a few weeks last year. I'm not even a Christian but I was feeling very lonely. The people were nice but I was just so awkward and I think it showed so I stopped going. I might try to attempt your mall idea, if I can manage it.

if you don't mind me asking. Is it somethin about your physical appearance?

Actually, yes... I had severe acne for many years of my life (and yes, I did go on accutane, but that only made it slightly better); now I have severe scarring from acne that covers my whole face and makes it just disgusting to look at. Basically, it looks like I still have acne except that it's all flat on my face (instead of sticking out, like it used to) with a lot of red everywhere. Because of this I hate anyone to look at me. It's the kind of thing that makes them instantly think of one as a loser, even if subconsciously. Add that to my social anxiety and extreme awkwardness and I'm like loser central.

I'm sorry about your bad experience with being arrested. Part of me was actually wondering if I was going to be arrested out of suspicion for being outside so late at night, but looking back that was probably very unlikely.

Believe it or not, police have this reaction on most people. There's something about people in authority, whose job it is to make sure you're doing nothing wrong, that makes people nervous. I think you handled it pretty well. But, to be honest, the truth would probably have done.

And I mean now I'm scared to go on walks at all, no matter what time it is...

You should probably feel better knowing the police are patrolling the area you walk.

Thank you... this is definitely comforting for me. Maybe everyone he stops acts like that and just thought I was nervous because he was a police officer.

 

[Lebowski]

you handled the situation greatly. no one would be able to act perfect in that situation. we;ve all seen some of the crazy things people do when pulled over so in the future handle the situation as you did.

 

[Solace]

you did alright, but hey, it's understandable. I'm usually pretty outgoing but on certian days everything makes me nervous.

As for the acne there are vitamin supplements which help if you're still having trouble, my brother took one from Arbone which worked for him, it's a swiss-formed product made in the USA, you can buy it online. Aloe Vera is good for skin, it mosturizes and promotes healing without making it oily. get the kind without coloring or fragrence and without the rubbing alcohol.

---

p.s my voices like to remind me of stupid or embaressing things that happened a long time ago, they bring up things that have been years and I will tell them no, stop doing that, they will play it in my head but I will start a conversation about something else with them or recite a poem or put on some music.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Well it does occur to me that you worrying excessively over the situation with the police officer made things worse. Instead of picturing the worst possible scenario and getting all worked up over it, just see the situation for what it is; a police officer checking up on you that just wants to ask a few questions.

Oh and dont people usually mind their own buisness during the day? I wouldnt talk to a strange dude that's going on a walk...

Your anxiety is interfering with the daily functioning of your life. You should seek help.

 

[Punisher]

Believe it or not, police have this reaction on most people. There's something about people in authority, whose job it is to make sure you're doing nothing wrong, that makes people nervous. I think you handled it pretty well. But, to be honest, the truth would probably have done.

And I mean now I'm scared to go on walks at all, no matter what time it is...

You should probably feel better knowing the police are patrolling the area you walk.

I totally agree... as long as you're white, you're completely safe (i'm just kidding, every profession has it's ********, and i'm thankful for the police service, as a whole.)

Anyway, this thread made me think of this song i used to love when i was kid

[youtube]UKBAC6M-X6A[/youtube]

 

[vanderlei]

i know what you mean man, i have sevire anxiety and ocd. i hate being around people. dont know how to fix it. my therapist took me to the mall and challenged me to enter stores and ask retarded questions in order make myself look like an idiot,, as well as walk up to complete strangers and pretend i knew them. i spent the rest of that dayscared as fresia, evetho i ur supposed to calm down faster. i dont know know man, maybe it just is that hard if u wanna get better

 

[Minus]

Has anyone else ever had an experience like this?

I used to walk in the early morning house quite frequently. I also got stop by the police quite frequently. It seems that no matter what i was doing, it looked suspicious to them.

My mail box was across the street. Checking my mail at 3 AM i was stopped and questioned. I was informed that normal people don't check their mail at 3 AM.

I really got interrogated one night. They actually pointed their car spotlight right into my face as they questioned me about my whole life history and when they had exhausted even the most trivial questions there they started questioning me on my parents life history. That took quite some time and i couldn't see a thing, the whole time, with that spotlight glaring in my eyes.

It just seemed that getting questioned by the police was a frequent part of my walks.

Even getting stopped by them when i am driving makes me very nervous. The last time i was stopped while driving was because one of my brake lights had burned out. I very well knew the process was that he would give me a warning ticket that gave me ten days to get the light fixed. No fine or anything. I would have to spend 60 cents to get a new bulb and take 15 minutes to put it in. No big deal. Still the whole thing made me very nervous. I was embarrassed to hand him my drivers license because my hand was shaking. I was concerned that my obvious nervousness over such a trivial incident would make him think that i must be up to something else.

They must be used to some people being nervous when they have their attention focused on them. You did just fine.

 

[illi]

you did alright, but hey, it's understandable. I'm usually pretty outgoing but on certian days everything makes me nervous.

Thanks solace, and thank you for the suggestions for my scarring, and for the advice regarding the playback of bad memories.

Yesterday I decided to force myself to go to an outdoor mall. It was very difficult and I was physically shaking from nerves, but I sat down on a bench and took out a book. A boy and a girl who appeared to be siblings sat down next to me... the boy looked to be about four. He tapped me on the shoulder and was smiling at me. I smiled back and was thinking, "Hm, you know, this really isn't so bad... maybe social interactions can be positive..." Then he goes, in a loud voice, "Why is your face like that?" I was completely crushed. That really, really hurt me. Everyone there, of course, turned to look to see what he was talking about and was staring at me. I was so embarrassed. His mom heard everything and didn't say a thing either. I acted like I was in a hurry, even though I'd only been there a few minutes, and ran off. Then I just cried and cried and cried... I know it's so pathetic that it could hurt me that much but it did. I mean, why would he say something like that? Why would someone intentionally want to hurt and embarrass another person?

Your anxiety is interfering with the daily functioning of your life. You should seek help.

You're right, you're completely right. I don't know what to do. The idea of pills makes me uncomfortable. Despite this if something worked I'd probably risk it in a second. I got a prescription for xanax once and didn't notice any effect though.

I totally agree... as long as you're white, you're completely safe (i'm just kidding, every profession has it's ********, and i'm thankful for the police service, as a whole.)

Anyway, this thread made me think of this song i used to love when i was kid

[youtube]UKBAC6M-X6A[/youtube]

Thank you Punisher. I can't listen to the song right now because I have no speakers but I will later.

my therapist took me to the mall and challenged me to enter stores and ask retarded questions in order make myself look like an idiot,, as well as walk up to complete strangers and pretend i knew them. i spent the rest of that dayscared as fresia, evetho i ur supposed to calm down faster.

I could never, ever do that... I'd be terrified. Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

 

[epileptic]

And he goes, "So what are you doing out here?" And I mean, what am I supposed to say? The truth is "Just going for a walk" but my God how suspicious does that sound, and I really need to say something to account for the fact that it's 3 in the morning, and I can't tell him about the social anxiety - I mean I just met him and I'm expected to reveal this huge part of my life to him? But I have to say something so I'm scrambling to come up with an answer. After a long pause and a bunch of mumbling I finally manage to stutter, "Um, um, I can't sleep and this... uh... this sometimes helps."

So after what feels like hours (even though it couldn't have been more than a few minutes) he finally drives off and I'm just left completely shaken up. And I'm realizing that if I don't fix myself soon my social ineptness is likely to backfire a lot worse than that. And the thing is, I've tried to copy the personalities of people I see on TV or celebrities or people I know and just always ask myself, "What would ____ do" but I can never keep it going for more than about 30 seconds before I forget and end up drifting back to my old self.

All I can do is keep thinking about the situation and how I wish I'd handled it and what I should have done differently and how all of those people I sometimes try to copy would have each handled the situation.

Has anyone else ever had an experience like this? What's the best way to get over it? I always spend so long thinking about the tiniest thing. I mean earlier today I was playing in my head over and over a particular situation that happened YEARS ago!! Now this is just one more being added to my memory for all eternity.

And I mean now I'm scared to go on walks at all, no matter what time it is...

i know this is a slightly older post, but here goes.

I think you should of just told him the truth about having that social fear. I would think that telling a stranger would be easier then a friend or loved one. You have nothing to worry about, especially If you know you have done nothing wrong, or you have nothing to hide...

Based on your typing patterns, I would suggest you slow down. Chill out! You need to come up with ways to relax and calm yourself. Maybe stay off the caffiene, or cut down. Revert that energy to something more productive... Chamomile and lavender tea both have calming effects. Meditation and excercise will also help