And now not even a question.If you'd stood up for yourself at 15/16/17 you would probably have been punished, not them.
I'd be in prison...
And now not even a question.If you'd stood up for yourself at 15/16/17 you would probably have been punished, not them.
Hey man, sorry it's been a crazy week, but I didn't want you to feel not replied to.See the status thing, is more for me, than it is for women. It's to reassure me that I have at least normal amounts of potential and competence, and that I can work at something that advances me in life, instead of having so little potential and competence that I can't do anything that would advance me, and that all I'm good for is servitude to others, who were born with enough of those things to live for themselves. Working to advance my material quality of life, and position in life, to make my life better, was always the point of working to me. Without that, I feel like I'd be working to get nowhere, to be someone I don't want to be, and to live a life I hate, to confirm every insult I've ever received and every self-doubt I've ever had myself. Therefore if that's my future, it makes me wonder if my life is worth living, and it's making me lean towards "no".
Being in an OK job would give me a confidence boost, that might translate to attraction or at least help with it. However, being in menial/service work, would level my confidence, since it would mean I have no potential, competence, and am fit only to be submissive to others. The ground where my confidence should be, would be poisoned so nothing could ever grow there again. Feeling like that's what I am would cause me to hate myself for feeling like a loser, like I must be genetically inferior and limited, not to mention the ****** material quality of life I'd be forced to live. I've always hated being forced to actively work on getting nowhere. And I'd hate to think that's all I'm capable of, and that's all I have to look forward to.
I don't see how I can attract someone, if I have no confidence in myself, because I feel trapped in a life I hate, and feeling like I'm forced to be a person I hate being. It would also be hard for me to have interests to talk about under those circumstances either.
It's technically possible for a person to attract a partner while in a low paid job, as you were saying. Heaven only knows how, but it is. For me though, it's not really about attracting a partner, it's about how it would make me feel about myself. And I don't think self-hatred would help me attract a partner.
Every time I've been in a job like that, I looked around me, and without exception, every over-college-age person there was NOT a person I wanted to be like. I NEVER wanted to be that kind of person and that was NEVER what I wanted to do with my life. To think that's what I really am and is all I can be, it really makes me feel lousy about myself.
As far as interests go, it's cool that you have interests that you like. But for me, I'm only truly interested in things that I feel like it's possible for me to get good at them, and ultimately to use as part of my identity, a source of confidence and pride. If the best I can do with it is just OK, it pretty much confirms my fears that I'm mediocre and I feel like the message it sends to the world is "look how much I suck at this thing! I'm a huge loser!" It's always seemed like pretending you can do something, to pretend to be cool when you know you're not. I've always felt that I'd rather say nothing at all to the world, than that. If the best I can do at something is just OK, it's not fun for me, and I'd rather do some more relaxing interest instead. The trouble with those is, they aren't enough to sustain me like they used to be. I can't live for fandoms and video games anymore, it's just not enough.
I think some of us here know humiliation quite well.
For me, it was the experience of being publicly humiliated for 12 straight years of my life.
From the first day of kindergarten until HS graduation.
Why? Because I was a skinny and physically weak male, was used to being bullied my my mother prior to school, and was a prime target for bullies in school. It's the natural order of things. Especially for males. The weak will be bullied.
It's OK though. It made me resilient. Toughened me up. I've faced things alone that would make most guys shrivel into the fetal position and cry like a baby. I will only speak for myself here. At 57...I would LOVE to meet a few of the guys that bullied me in HS. Would LOVE to.
But then...I'd be the bully, and worse, as a adult who "looks young for his age and is in good shape", I would be held responsible for what would happen. It's really not fair. So it was OK for them to physically bully me at 15/16/17, but at 57 I'd be the one who goes to prison?
What a world...
PS:
I was 6'1" and 115 lbs when I graduated HS...
Yeah that's totally different. I think there is no humiliation in any honest type of work.Yeah, it wasn't so much that I needed clarification on the concept of humiliation, it was more asking for context from SkaFish about what humiliation he feels from doing low-paid work.
Hey man, sorry it's been a crazy week, but I didn't want you to feel not replied to.
I find your first paragraph fairly troubling. The idea that a better job, nicer place, bigger car, will make you happier in the long term, is absolute ********. It's called "The Hedonic Treadmill", in short it means those things will only make you happy for a short while, before you feel you need an even better job/house/car/whatever. Basically, if you're not happy with yourself sweeping floors, you won't be happy with yourself as the manager. Look at CEOs of large companies; they could easily not work and coast on the billions they earn, but they want bigger paychecks and another yacht etc. Don't fall into that trap, my dude.
If you feel being submissive to others is holding you back, it's time to look at a side project where you could be your own boss, and grow that seed until you're able to do it full time. Again, this doesn't have to be a life dream, it can just be a skill that you attain and are able to charge people money for it. Look at every housewife who learned to do eyelashes and eyebrows from home and are trying to get clients. You would be your own boss, choose your own hours, and at least if you do this while still having a regular job would not encur the risk of going self employed. But beware, even a business owner is beholden to customers, or shareholders at a certain level.
I don't really follow you on this idea that you think it's only worth trying something if you think you will be really good at them. That's just not how anything works. Michael Jordan may have been the greatest basketball player of all time, but he wasn't naturally like that, if he didn't put in the hours that he did, he never would have even made his high school team. We like the things we're good at, and the things that we're good at are the things we put the hours into. If you took 4hrs of French lessons every week for 3 months, you would verifiably be better at French than you are now. You could be in casual conversation with some friends, throw out some basic sentences, and most would be impressed because though you may only know limited French, it's still more than most people in the room. Now apply that to pottery, or archery, or baking, or chess, or literally anything. There are dudes out there who learn 3 chords on an accoustic guitar and get all the women, because most of them are impressed by this. But you don't think it's worth trying anything in case people mock you for only being 'ok' at something? That just doesn't exist, if something is just ok, we don't talk about it.
it was more asking for context from SkaFish about what humiliation he feels from doing low-paid work.
No...just no.. Like I'm just a nothing. That bothers me a lot.
No...just no.
You are NOT a nothing.
Stop it.
Yeah I only know you from online over the last 10 months or so.
But I am intelligent enough to recognize that you are very smart.
So cut it out.
Take some time to think on what you really want to do with the next 20 years of your life.
Then focus. And do it.
Yes, I work Tech because of the money.
But guess what?
Work is work.
Unless you are an actor or athlete or something who loves his job...you will most likely NOT love what you do.
What we do (the rest of us) is try to find the best ratio of aggravation vs the money we want/need.
I found it.
You can too.
I guess it’s all about what you want a solution to…
Ugliness ? Plastic surgery and maybe a stylist
Lack of sex? Travelling or escorts
See, that's the thing, I actually DO want solutions to this. So far nobody seems to come up with anything other than "Spend every dollar you have travelling the world and that will help you be less ugly.... somehow!". If anyone could genuinely explain the benefits in my particular scenario, for therapy or counselling, I'd sign up tomorrow.Feeling annoyed and wanting to vent without solutions? Counselling.
it's not a service ... she offers you her most sacred thing ... the lack of awareness doesn't change thatAs for escorts; Like I said, the fact that I'm aware that I'm paying for the service kinda renders it useless for me. They don't "want" me, they're just doing their job. I want to be wanted, by more people than zero. Throwing money at paying women to have sex with me does not solve this particular issue.
If you’re truly ugly, you need to find someone like yourself, that way you’ll appreciate each other. Finding them may require traveling. Don’t have kids though. You don’t want to risk your children suffering worse than you.See, that's the thing, I actually DO want solutions to this. So far nobody seems to come up with anything other than "Spend every dollar you have travelling the world and that will help you be less ugly.... somehow!". If anyone could genuinely explain the benefits in my particular scenario, for therapy or counselling, I'd sign up tomorrow.
It is… by definition, a transactional service. No different to paying for someone to massage your back, or cut your hair. They are performing a service for an agreed price. It’s not for me, but I’m not against it as a practice.it's not a service ... she offers you her most sacred thing ... the lack of awareness doesn't change that
technically any human interaction is a transaction but she gives you access to something that is not a commodity but it's priceless even she is not aware of that ... that something is sacred as life itself since only homicide is punished more severely if taken against her will ... instead she offers you by her free will something reserved only to her husband and her offspring thus giving you the highest honor a man can getIt is… by definition, a transactional service. No different to paying for someone to massage your back, or cut your hair. They are performing a service for an agreed price. It’s not for me, but I’m not against it as a practice.
What the fork?technically any human interaction is a transaction but she gives you access to something that is not a commodity but it's priceless even she is not aware of that ... that something is sacred as life itself since only homicide is punished more severely if taken against her will ... instead she offers you by her free will something reserved only to her husband and her offspring thus giving you the highest honor a man can get
What is the angle of your approach, and towards what?What the fork?
We're definitely approaching this from different angles, you seem to be coming at this from something of a religious or moral puritan angle, and that's just at odds with society of today.
indeed I propose my angle because if this world and specifically sex and the kitty are desacralized you have the freedom to re-assign a sacred meaning to them without their consentWhat the fork?
We're definitely approaching this from different angles, you seem to be coming at this from something of a religious or moral puritan angle, and that's just at odds with society of today.
I am not a 1%er or a Clooney lookalike, I
Unsigned, can you clarify when you said I am not a ????
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