Dark_Poet
Well-known member
- Joined
- Aug 27, 2011
- Messages
- 321
- Reaction score
- 1
Hi Everyone
So my last big revelation was admitting to the fact that I actually can be attracted to human beings. I admitted I like girls. I suppose given how awful I feel, its the perfect time to force myself to open up more about who I am.
I really feel like I'm a bit selfish here. I'm obviously a lonely person just like many of us. I also have this issue where I get my feelings confused really easily.
I've mentioned to some of you that I don't really like talking to males, its true. I have nothing personal against them. I'm just not usually a fan of talking to them. Though, I have met some males that I enjoy talking to on this site.
Anyways, I have this issue where all a girl has to do is be nice to me to develop feelings for her. To be honest, If you are female, I have probably had feelings for you at some point. I feel like such a horrible person for this. It gets awfully confusing to figure out whether my feelings are true, or just the product of a female giving me a little attention.
I realize its just because of my low self esteem. I feel awful about it, but at the same time, I feel kinda good about it. I feel good about it because I can see the good in people. I love talking to people and trying to help them see the things they can't.
Of course, given my low self esteem, when it backfires, I rip myself apart. My therapist told me something that is so true. I can only give to others what I've given to myself. I haven't given myself the love and support that I need, so I really can't do that to anyone else.
I love how much I care about everyone of you. I've listened to the things you've shared with me and even felt like crying before. I want to take away all of your troubles. I really do. I have to realize I can't and I'm just as human as anyone else.
I'm way to hard on myself, I always have been. The second I hurt any of you, I hurt. I hurt so bad. You have no idea. At the same time, I'm really being selfish to each and every one of you. I want you all to like me and accept me.
The truth is, I really don't know who I am. I've always tried to be what people wanted from me. Obviously it hasn't worked out the best. I'm trying though. All my cutting tools have been given away, I actually wrote that poem where I forgave myself (HUGE DEAL) and I'm trying to learn about me as a person.
So from the bottom of my heart. I care about you all, but at the same time, I'm sorry for being so selfish. (hug)
So my last big revelation was admitting to the fact that I actually can be attracted to human beings. I admitted I like girls. I suppose given how awful I feel, its the perfect time to force myself to open up more about who I am.
I really feel like I'm a bit selfish here. I'm obviously a lonely person just like many of us. I also have this issue where I get my feelings confused really easily.
I've mentioned to some of you that I don't really like talking to males, its true. I have nothing personal against them. I'm just not usually a fan of talking to them. Though, I have met some males that I enjoy talking to on this site.
Anyways, I have this issue where all a girl has to do is be nice to me to develop feelings for her. To be honest, If you are female, I have probably had feelings for you at some point. I feel like such a horrible person for this. It gets awfully confusing to figure out whether my feelings are true, or just the product of a female giving me a little attention.
I realize its just because of my low self esteem. I feel awful about it, but at the same time, I feel kinda good about it. I feel good about it because I can see the good in people. I love talking to people and trying to help them see the things they can't.
Of course, given my low self esteem, when it backfires, I rip myself apart. My therapist told me something that is so true. I can only give to others what I've given to myself. I haven't given myself the love and support that I need, so I really can't do that to anyone else.
I love how much I care about everyone of you. I've listened to the things you've shared with me and even felt like crying before. I want to take away all of your troubles. I really do. I have to realize I can't and I'm just as human as anyone else.
I'm way to hard on myself, I always have been. The second I hurt any of you, I hurt. I hurt so bad. You have no idea. At the same time, I'm really being selfish to each and every one of you. I want you all to like me and accept me.
The truth is, I really don't know who I am. I've always tried to be what people wanted from me. Obviously it hasn't worked out the best. I'm trying though. All my cutting tools have been given away, I actually wrote that poem where I forgave myself (HUGE DEAL) and I'm trying to learn about me as a person.
So from the bottom of my heart. I care about you all, but at the same time, I'm sorry for being so selfish. (hug)