Being Honest: Volume 1 (Long read)

[Dark_Poet]

Hi Everyone

So my last big revelation was admitting to the fact that I actually can be attracted to human beings. I admitted I like girls. I suppose given how awful I feel, its the perfect time to force myself to open up more about who I am.

I really feel like I'm a bit selfish here. I'm obviously a lonely person just like many of us. I also have this issue where I get my feelings confused really easily.

I've mentioned to some of you that I don't really like talking to males, its true. I have nothing personal against them. I'm just not usually a fan of talking to them. Though, I have met some males that I enjoy talking to on this site.

Anyways, I have this issue where all a girl has to do is be nice to me to develop feelings for her. To be honest, If you are female, I have probably had feelings for you at some point. I feel like such a horrible person for this. It gets awfully confusing to figure out whether my feelings are true, or just the product of a female giving me a little attention.

I realize its just because of my low self esteem. I feel awful about it, but at the same time, I feel kinda good about it. I feel good about it because I can see the good in people. I love talking to people and trying to help them see the things they can't.

Of course, given my low self esteem, when it backfires, I rip myself apart. My therapist told me something that is so true. I can only give to others what I've given to myself. I haven't given myself the love and support that I need, so I really can't do that to anyone else.

I love how much I care about everyone of you. I've listened to the things you've shared with me and even felt like crying before. I want to take away all of your troubles. I really do. I have to realize I can't and I'm just as human as anyone else.

I'm way to hard on myself, I always have been. The second I hurt any of you, I hurt. I hurt so bad. You have no idea. At the same time, I'm really being selfish to each and every one of you. I want you all to like me and accept me.

The truth is, I really don't know who I am. I've always tried to be what people wanted from me. Obviously it hasn't worked out the best. I'm trying though. All my cutting tools have been given away, I actually wrote that poem where I forgave myself (HUGE DEAL) and I'm trying to learn about me as a person.

So from the bottom of my heart. I care about you all, but at the same time, I'm sorry for being so selfish. (hug)

 

[SophiaGrace]

I like and accept you (hug)

 

[Barbaloot]

You're not selfish, but sometimes you need to be. (hug)


Also, have this picture of a toucan:

 

[Sci-Fi]

(bro hug)

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Rephrase it to....
LOVE YOURSELF FIRST AS YOU WOULD LOVE OTHERS.


approval and praise seeking is also unhealty.
its totally backwards to my old ideas and beliefs.
I have a built in sense of belonging and to be accepted.
Hiwever not to the point of being a pond, doormate
or a pretzel...something i must be reminded of.

Guilt...
decisions made from feelongs of guilt.
Forgiving myself helps remove some of that
guilt..
Sometimes i gotta sit still or on my hands to
feel those guity feelings or obswrve my respones
to guikt. What triigers guikt.

Guikty feelings of loving yourself?

 

[Drama]

what barb said (hug) you're a good person i hope you find what you're searching for since i think you do deserve the best

 

[In a lonely place]

Respect, DP for putting your feelings out there like that.

 

[SophiaGrace]

You are the dearest person.

Never change, but only for the better.

(hug)

 

[neo651]

You remind me a lot of myself.

I know exactly how you feel about males. I don't like them either. For me I think it was because I was bullied as a child by all the boys but the girls were always very nice to me.

And I used to have feelings for all of my female friends too, at one point or another. I'd always want to help them with their problems. So I think as a consequence of being a hormonal teenager developing a close relationship with so many girls. I was bound to fall for them all.