Being in love with a girl in group therapy

[ThePsychologist]

Hello!

It's been exactly 1 year since I've been here, funny how I end up here once more the day before new year

I'll try to keep this short.

A few months ago I was assigned to a therapy group for young adults, with all kinds of problems (mostly social, depression and anxiety).

During the sessions me and her have a lot of eye contact. At first I didn't really feel attracted to her, but that now slowly starts to change. We both share a lot of things in the group and it feels great.

Now, a few months later, she apparently looked my name up on Google and found my email. She messaged me about the group therapy, being worried about me, hoping things where OK. Which was the case.

Since then, (this is only 1 week ago), we began to mail a lot to each other. I have the feeling she is letting me know by giving really small hints that she likes me. I try to do the same, but it's hard. I feel like, since we both go to the same therapy group, if one would tell to the other how he\she truly feels, and the other says "I just want to be friends", that that would make things weird in the therapy group.

I think we are both stuck with no daring to tell each other how we truly feel about each other, although I am not sure. I could be wrong and maybe am just projecting my own feelings.

She is really beautiful and I can't stop thinking about her for a few days now. Yesterday I went and visit her outside of the group (we arranged that via email) and did our own therapy group session, with just the two of us, talking about problems we are facing. It's funny how we both have absolutely the same problems. I think that that is also a big reason why I feel so attracted to her.

I want to talk a bit more about her: She is a workaholic. She is constantly busy for school and can think of nothing else. She has no other hobby's, except schoolwork. I don't think she has any real friends either.
She just cannot find joy for a long time now.

I want to help her out of that situation and make her happy once more (she clearly is not in a happy phase of her life right now). Want her to enjoy that which life has to offer.

I guess that's my story. I have no idea what to think of it, I feel a bit confused to be honest.

I just hope she isn't looking for "just a friend" in me.

Some comments would be really appreciated

 

[LGH1288]

My heartfelt advice? STEP ONE: Discuss this with your therapist; one of you might need to get assigned to a new group. The romantic "conflict of interest" could interfere with the progress of both of your therapies. STEP TWO: Proceed as usual. LG

 

[Cathedral]

Great. Another lonely guy gets saved by a girl. When I desperately need to be saved by one.

 

[ThePsychologist]

Great. Another lonely guy gets saved by a girl. When I desperately need to be saved by one.

Hey, hey! I'm not saved yet!

It ain't over till the fat lady sings!

I'm also unsure if I'm gonna talk to our group therapist about it, yet. I don't want to be in another group because I might not see her as much as I like to

 

[evanescencefan91]

*hugs cathedral* I know how you feel man

but ya psychologist, great name by the way I was just reading about your evil twin brother today ( abnormal psychology lol)

I don't really have a say as to wether or not you should consult with the group leader if this would affect the group or what not

but aybe just blantently state out hey how would you like to go out on a date, using the word date is important so that there isn't a misunderstanding and your intetions are clear

but I'd say go for it, I hope it works out, and if not try not to be too downtrodden

my advice is hope for the best but prepare for worst

so ya go for it man and good luck

 

[Naleena]

Being in the presence of someone who gets you is one of the greatest gifts anyone could hope for. It's no wonder you feel so close to her. I guess the best thing to do is not have expectations. You can not save her from not enjoying life and she can not save you from your problems but you can heal together. I think what you have found is very beautiful.
As far as romantically getting involved, it's always better to go very, very slow. I would wait before taking it further. Let things evolve on their own time.

 

[Mr. Sir]

This is something I would do.

 

[Sean]

I'm happy for ya ,

If she took the time to google your name to find your email (stalker behavior LOL), then i'm very sure she's interested in you,
Take the chance and tell her how you feel.

 

[ThePsychologist]

Thanks for the advice everyone

So tonight was new year's eve. We both where at home, not really celebrating. So she asked me via mail "Are we boring, not celebrating?". That conversation somehow ended up in me saying that I was really happy I met her to which she replied I was very sweet and am "a rare person"

But I'm gonna take up Naleena's advice and take it very slow. Not gonna force anything or confront her. Let's hope it comes naturally out of our hearts as time goes by. That feels like it's the right way.

I do want to note though, I have never had a girlfriend and I've never been in love before. But I somehow know that the feeling I have is love. Only my physical reaction is getting a bit out of hand When she says something nice about me, I just can't stop shaking and have trouble breathing. It's really weird. As if I'm having some sort of minor anxiety attack. It's all just really really intense and I'm not sure how to deal with it. It's almost too much to handle.

 

[NOAH_FX]

Psych, that's the best part... That irrational part of a relationship that doesn't even have to make sense... I kinda disagree though I think you should peruse it, tell her how you feel man.... It's a liberating feeling... and though I cant explain it... I think it will work out.

I sure hope it does, Happy New Years my friend.. Maybe you didn't have a champagne toast, but you sure do seem in high spirits, and that i'snt something you can't buy

Ryan

 

[ThePsychologist]

Well, she confronted me and asked how we felt about each other! So I told her I loved her, and she loved me back!!!

I am happy and confused at the same time. I'm pretty sure she feels the same way.

So we told each other we should take it slow Exactly what I wanted to hear.

But to be honest, I feel more nervous now than ever, than feeling like being in love.

 

[INTJ]

This is coming from someone with three full years of individual and group therapy under her belt.

You've established mutual attraction. Any further involvement in your current group, without consulting your therapist, is a very BAD thing. Your own progress will come to a screeching halt, as will hers. The fact that you don't want to talk to your therapist about this is a huge red flag, and you know it.

Be honest with your therapist. If he/she recommends you move to another group, be willing to do it. Your lady should also talk to her therapist about it, and be willing to do as he/she recommends. Proceed with your budding relationship outside of therapy.

 

[ThePsychologist]

This is coming from someone with three full years of individual and group therapy under her belt.

You've established mutual attraction. Any further involvement in your current group, without consulting your therapist, is a very BAD thing. Your own progress will come to a screeching halt, as will hers. The fact that you don't want to talk to your therapist about this is a huge red flag, and you know it.

Be honest with your therapist. If he/she recommends you move to another group, be willing to do it. Your lady should also talk to her therapist about it, and be willing to do as he/she recommends. Proceed with your budding relationship outside of therapy.

We already decided we will discuss it in the group next time we have it. Will make things weird though.