Big day for me on Monday

[kamya]

I feel just dejected. I kind of hate women now.

What makes you so sure it was even a woman emailing you?

 

[putter65]

Dear friend,

I'm so sorry for your loss and mostly, your pain. I know putting yourself out there and trusting someone completley isn't easy..but it took courage and while critics may point out you weren't being smart, you had to do what yo ufelt was right.

Don't lose hope. Next time, be sure to call, text, skype with the person. Make sure that they're actually there and i guess visually you can tell if they're full of it or not.

But regardless, whats done is done. I know your loneliness ..i can definitely relate.

I wish the best for you!

thank you

I don't intend to do anything like this again. Joining a dating site was bad enough, that cost me £40 for 2 months and thats where I 'met' her. And no real women were interested.

---

I feel just dejected. I kind of hate women now.

What makes you so sure it was even a woman emailing you?

she rang me up twice and it was a woman speaking. I don't think her life story is real, her photo's (which were of a normal looking woman who teached in a school) were probably someone else. She often mentioned the weather. I checked it up and it always matched. Alot of work on her behalf went into this. I wasn't totally stupid.

 

[Tiina63]

Putter, I am so sorry. There are some rotten people out there. Being lonely myself, I can understand why you wanted to believe that she was on the level.
The only good thing is that you didn't send the full ammount of money she wanted.

 

[putter65]

Putter, I am so sorry. There are some rotten people out there. Being lonely myself, I can understand why you wanted to believe that she was on the level.
The only good thing is that you didn't send the full ammount of money she wanted.

well she sent another email today. Said she had found half the money by pawning her late Mothers ring. I didn't believe that. I told her to tell the embassy to ring me up and I will speak to them. I was surprized when she agreed to this. They are going to ring me up tommorrow.

I don't know what the scam is here. Whether she will get someone to pretend to be from the embassy and try and get some money out of me. Whatever they say I am not.

She is applying for a tourist visa. She says they want proof she can pay for accomodation in the UK, a sum of £2730. So she wanted me to send it to her and then she would fly in and give me my money back once she's here. There is no way I am going to do this. I am trying to find out if it's bullshit or not.

 

[Montreal Skye]

well she sent another email today. Said she had found half the money by pawning her late Mothers ring. I didn't believe that. I told her to tell the embassy to ring me up and I will speak to them. I was surprized when she agreed to this. They are going to ring me up tommorrow.

I don't know what the scam is here. Whether she will get someone to pretend to be from the embassy and try and get some money out of me. Whatever they say I am not.

She is applying for a tourist visa. She says they want proof she can pay for accomodation in the UK, a sum of £2730. So she wanted me to send it to her and then she would fly in and give me my money back once she's here. There is no way I am going to do this. I am trying to find out if it's bullshit or not.

Don't get fooled again! At this point listen to your gut instinct. If she wants to come visit you, let her find the money on her own. You made so many efforts, it's her turn. If she's for real, she'll find a way. And if you get a call from the "embassy", take it with a grain of salt. I'd say follow your intuition on this one, not your heart.

 

[putter65]

well she sent another email today. Said she had found half the money by pawning her late Mothers ring. I didn't believe that. I told her to tell the embassy to ring me up and I will speak to them. I was surprized when she agreed to this. They are going to ring me up tommorrow.

I don't know what the scam is here. Whether she will get someone to pretend to be from the embassy and try and get some money out of me. Whatever they say I am not.

She is applying for a tourist visa. She says they want proof she can pay for accomodation in the UK, a sum of £2730. So she wanted me to send it to her and then she would fly in and give me my money back once she's here. There is no way I am going to do this. I am trying to find out if it's bullshit or not.

Don't get fooled again! At this point listen to your gut instinct. If she wants to come visit you, let her find the money on her own. You made so many efforts, it's her turn. If she's for real, she'll find a way. And if you get a call from the "embassy", take it with a grain of salt. I'd say follow your intuition on this one, not your heart.

yes i can imagine the embassy could be one of her mates.

I have emailed her saying I will send an email to the embassy saying she is staying with me for her visit. So this might get her the visa and she can come and see me.

 

[Lonely in BC]

Putter, I am so sorry. There are some rotten people out there. Being lonely myself, I can understand why you wanted to believe that she was on the level.
The only good thing is that you didn't send the full ammount of money she wanted.

well she sent another email today. Said she had found half the money by pawning her late Mothers ring. I didn't believe that. I told her to tell the embassy to ring me up and I will speak to them. I was surprized when she agreed to this. They are going to ring me up tommorrow.

I don't know what the scam is here. Whether she will get someone to pretend to be from the embassy and try and get some money out of me. Whatever they say I am not.

She is applying for a tourist visa. She says they want proof she can pay for accomodation in the UK, a sum of £2730. So she wanted me to send it to her and then she would fly in and give me my money back once she's here. There is no way I am going to do this. I am trying to find out if it's bullshit or not.

It's bullshit Putter- a friend of mine went through the same situation several months ago. He sent $2000.00 Canadian (ironically it was to a "lady" in England) for airfare, etc. After several bullshit reasons for why she was delayed she then tried to get more by claiming she was at the airport and they wouldn't allow her to leave due to "back taxes", could he quickly wire more to her account. I happened to be visiting that day, he told me what was going on so I asked him to hold off while I made a few calls. Turns out the hospital she claimed to work at as a nurse didn't exist, the apartment building she lived in didn't exist, and the phone number she gave him was one that was rerouted through a telephone exchange to Kenya. My friend has made himself look like a complete fool (he's a 66 year old man who has decided that his unhealthy, diabetic, grossly overweight, sarcastic self can attract the attentions of a much younger woman who would have to work to support his sorry ass), his relationship with a woman who genuinely loved him is over, his daughter is furious with him, and he now avoids most people as they can't help but have a laugh at how naive he was. He's also lost my respect.

My advice for "relationships" that start out this way- insist you see them on a webcam. Even if they can't afford the webcam or have good enough internet service there are Internet cafes they can go to that will allow them to talk to you "face to face".

BTW, my foolish friend didn't learn from the first one- he got himself all hot and bothered about another one recently. I don't know if he sent money this time or not but he's sure been bitchy because his latest young lady (he seems to go for the early thirtys- about half his age) has been a no show.

It boggles my mind!

 

[putter65]

Putter, I am so sorry. There are some rotten people out there. Being lonely myself, I can understand why you wanted to believe that she was on the level.
The only good thing is that you didn't send the full ammount of money she wanted.

well she sent another email today. Said she had found half the money by pawning her late Mothers ring. I didn't believe that. I told her to tell the embassy to ring me up and I will speak to them. I was surprized when she agreed to this. They are going to ring me up tommorrow.

I don't know what the scam is here. Whether she will get someone to pretend to be from the embassy and try and get some money out of me. Whatever they say I am not.

She is applying for a tourist visa. She says they want proof she can pay for accomodation in the UK, a sum of £2730. So she wanted me to send it to her and then she would fly in and give me my money back once she's here. There is no way I am going to do this. I am trying to find out if it's bullshit or not.

It's bullshit Putter- a friend of mine went through the same situation several months ago. He sent $2000.00 Canadian (ironically it was to a "lady" in England) for airfare, etc. After several bullshit reasons for why she was delayed she then tried to get more by claiming she was at the airport and they wouldn't allow her to leave due to "back taxes", could he quickly wire more to her account. I happened to be visiting that day, he told me what was going on so I asked him to hold off while I made a few calls. Turns out the hospital she claimed to work at as a nurse didn't exist, the apartment building she lived in didn't exist, and the phone number she gave him was one that was rerouted through a telephone exchange to Kenya. My friend has made himself look like a complete fool (he's a 66 year old man who has decided that his unhealthy, diabetic, grossly overweight, sarcastic self can attract the attentions of a much younger woman who would have to work to support his sorry ass), his relationship with a woman who genuinely loved him is over, his daughter is furious with him, and he now avoids most people as they can't help but have a laugh at how naive he was. He's also lost my respect.

My advice for "relationships" that start out this way- insist you see them on a webcam. Even if they can't afford the webcam or have good enough internet service there are Internet cafes they can go to that will allow them to talk to you "face to face".

BTW, my foolish friend didn't learn from the first one- he got himself all hot and bothered about another one recently. I don't know if he sent money this time or not but he's sure been bitchy because his latest young lady (he seems to go for the early thirtys- about half his age) has been a no show.

It boggles my mind!

yes it does sound like bullshit. The getting the embassy to call thing. It could be anybody, one of her mates. What do they expect ? A few words from a random guy on the phone and I'm going to send £2,500 grand ? I don't think so. I'm not staying in for it and if I'm out then balls to it.

If it's true then great but all I'm going to committ to is answer a phone call. No more money involved whatsoever !

my 'friend' is my age and not a model type btw

 

[putter65]

Putter, I am so sorry. There are some rotten people out there. Being lonely myself, I can understand why you wanted to believe that she was on the level.
The only good thing is that you didn't send the full ammount of money she wanted.

well she sent another email today. Said she had found half the money by pawning her late Mothers ring. I didn't believe that. I told her to tell the embassy to ring me up and I will speak to them. I was surprized when she agreed to this. They are going to ring me up tommorrow.

I don't know what the scam is here. Whether she will get someone to pretend to be from the embassy and try and get some money out of me. Whatever they say I am not.

She is applying for a tourist visa. She says they want proof she can pay for accomodation in the UK, a sum of £2730. So she wanted me to send it to her and then she would fly in and give me my money back once she's here. There is no way I am going to do this. I am trying to find out if it's bullshit or not.

It's bullshit Putter- a friend of mine went through the same situation several months ago. He sent $2000.00 Canadian (ironically it was to a "lady" in England) for airfare, etc. After several bullshit reasons for why she was delayed she then tried to get more by claiming she was at the airport and they wouldn't allow her to leave due to "back taxes", could he quickly wire more to her account. I happened to be visiting that day, he told me what was going on so I asked him to hold off while I made a few calls. Turns out the hospital she claimed to work at as a nurse didn't exist, the apartment building she lived in didn't exist, and the phone number she gave him was one that was rerouted through a telephone exchange to Kenya. My friend has made himself look like a complete fool (he's a 66 year old man who has decided that his unhealthy, diabetic, grossly overweight, sarcastic self can attract the attentions of a much younger woman who would have to work to support his sorry ass), his relationship with a woman who genuinely loved him is over, his daughter is furious with him, and he now avoids most people as they can't help but have a laugh at how naive he was. He's also lost my respect.

My advice for "relationships" that start out this way- insist you see them on a webcam. Even if they can't afford the webcam or have good enough internet service there are Internet cafes they can go to that will allow them to talk to you "face to face".

BTW, my foolish friend didn't learn from the first one- he got himself all hot and bothered about another one recently. I don't know if he sent money this time or not but he's sure been bitchy because his latest young lady (he seems to go for the early thirtys- about half his age) has been a no show.

It boggles my mind!

yes it does sound like bullshit. The getting the embassy to call thing. It could be anybody, one of her mates. What do they expect ? A few words from a random guy on the phone and I'm going to send £2,500 grand ? I don't think so. I'm not staying in for it and if I'm out then balls to it.

If it's true then great but all I'm going to committ to is answer a phone call. No more money involved whatsoever !

my 'friend' is my age and not a model type btw

waiting for the phone call from the 'embassy'

Ive sorted out the proof of funds thing. She said she can raise half the money by pawning her late mothers ring. So I suggested that she stays for a shorter time. I know the proof of funds is calculated by how long she is staying. So I'll see how she talks her way out of that one !

I'll be glad when it's all over, getting sick of it. The glimmer of 'what if she is genuine ?' is always there.

 

[putter65]

Putter, I am so sorry. There are some rotten people out there. Being lonely myself, I can understand why you wanted to believe that she was on the level.
The only good thing is that you didn't send the full ammount of money she wanted.

well she sent another email today. Said she had found half the money by pawning her late Mothers ring. I didn't believe that. I told her to tell the embassy to ring me up and I will speak to them. I was surprized when she agreed to this. They are going to ring me up tommorrow.

I don't know what the scam is here. Whether she will get someone to pretend to be from the embassy and try and get some money out of me. Whatever they say I am not.

She is applying for a tourist visa. She says they want proof she can pay for accomodation in the UK, a sum of £2730. So she wanted me to send it to her and then she would fly in and give me my money back once she's here. There is no way I am going to do this. I am trying to find out if it's bullshit or not.

It's bullshit Putter- a friend of mine went through the same situation several months ago. He sent $2000.00 Canadian (ironically it was to a "lady" in England) for airfare, etc. After several bullshit reasons for why she was delayed she then tried to get more by claiming she was at the airport and they wouldn't allow her to leave due to "back taxes", could he quickly wire more to her account. I happened to be visiting that day, he told me what was going on so I asked him to hold off while I made a few calls. Turns out the hospital she claimed to work at as a nurse didn't exist, the apartment building she lived in didn't exist, and the phone number she gave him was one that was rerouted through a telephone exchange to Kenya. My friend has made himself look like a complete fool (he's a 66 year old man who has decided that his unhealthy, diabetic, grossly overweight, sarcastic self can attract the attentions of a much younger woman who would have to work to support his sorry ass), his relationship with a woman who genuinely loved him is over, his daughter is furious with him, and he now avoids most people as they can't help but have a laugh at how naive he was. He's also lost my respect.

My advice for "relationships" that start out this way- insist you see them on a webcam. Even if they can't afford the webcam or have good enough internet service there are Internet cafes they can go to that will allow them to talk to you "face to face".

BTW, my foolish friend didn't learn from the first one- he got himself all hot and bothered about another one recently. I don't know if he sent money this time or not but he's sure been bitchy because his latest young lady (he seems to go for the early thirtys- about half his age) has been a no show.

It boggles my mind!

yes it does sound like bullshit. The getting the embassy to call thing. It could be anybody, one of her mates. What do they expect ? A few words from a random guy on the phone and I'm going to send £2,500 grand ? I don't think so. I'm not staying in for it and if I'm out then balls to it.

If it's true then great but all I'm going to committ to is answer a phone call. No more money involved whatsoever !

my 'friend' is my age and not a model type btw

waiting for the phone call from the 'embassy'

Ive sorted out the proof of funds thing. She said she can raise half the money by pawning her late mothers ring. So I suggested that she stays for a shorter time. I know the proof of funds is calculated by how long she is staying. So I'll see how she talks her way out of that one !

I'll be glad when it's all over, getting sick of it. The glimmer of 'what if she is genuine ?' is always there.

didn't get a phone call. Got an email from her. She always has an answer regrading the proof of funds issue. I asked for my flight money back, told her to go home. I'm acting like she is genuine. I told her to still write and I will visit her. (This is what I wanted in the first place)

 

[Tiina63]

But you won't be going to visit her, though?

 

[putter65]

But you won't be going to visit her, though?

i doubt it will get to that. She was never keen on me visiting her, always wanted to come to me. If I go to her I have control of the money.

My mother keeps saying she is russian mafia.

 

[IgnoredOne]

i doubt it will get to that. She was never keen on me visiting her, always wanted to come to me. If I go to her I have control of the money.

My mother keeps saying she is russian mafia.

In all honesty, I think you have for some reason or another, a limited instinct when it comes to women. Its a bit odd to me, and I'm curious why; I assume that you grew up with your mother and had at least a few female friends during your lifetime, were any of them close?

I've gotten close to women online and long-distance, and while I and others can provide a wealth of minutia, it comes down to understanding those subtle details of communication - where women I do think spend more time understanding and dwelling in.

A girl who really did love you acts in a way that is immediately recognizable: she wants to spend time with you, she wants to do things with you, she /likes/ you and very rarely will it involve you directly giving her money.

You're forty-something and seem to pay excessive attention to your mother, which is sweet but somewhat feels off. I do feel that you'll be well suited by just getting to know women more, rather than immediately seeking a relationship.

 

[putter65]

i doubt it will get to that. She was never keen on me visiting her, always wanted to come to me. If I go to her I have control of the money.

My mother keeps saying she is russian mafia.

In all honesty, I think you have for some reason or another, a limited instinct when it comes to women. Its a bit odd to me, and I'm curious why; I assume that you grew up with your mother and had at least a few female friends during your lifetime, were any of them close?

I've gotten close to women online and long-distance, and while I and others can provide a wealth of minutia, it comes down to understanding those subtle details of communication - where women I do think spend more time understanding and dwelling in.

A girl who really did love you acts in a way that is immediately recognizable: she wants to spend time with you, she wants to do things with you, she /likes/ you and very rarely will it involve you directly giving her money.

You're forty-something and seem to pay excessive attention to your mother, which is sweet but somewhat feels off. I do feel that you'll be well suited by just getting to know women more, rather than immediately seeking a relationship.

er I was brought up by both parents but they divorced when I was 19. My Mam moved out. I see her once a week. She does my head in lol - the russian mafia comment was a joke

I can't say I know alot about women. One 3 week relationship in 1996, a 2 month one last year. Female friends ? Only work colleagues, not really friends. I see them at work and share the odd facebook comment.

This russian thing is a definate one off. I can't see it happening again. I detest dating agencies etc. I don't really want a relationship now. Just can't be bothered with it. Too much hassle.

If you google 'russian scams' you will find hundreds of men like me. It's desperate and sad. It's years of failure and rejection that causes it. Unless you go thru it, you have no idea what it feels like. Normal people - YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND !

I wanted something good to happen. I wanted to be loved by someone. The women who live in my city are not interested so I looked further a field for something different. A different type of woman.

I've just had someone on facebook suggest to me going on a singles night. Why put myself thru that ? I wanted a girl in my life when I was 16. I'm 44 now. So that's 28 years of not been good enough. 28 long years of failure and rejection. Why is it suddenly going to change ? It's not. People don't understand some people are just not very attractive. Looks, body language, personality etc. The whole package is not good enough to attract anybody.

 

[Stranger]

There are many real Russian women who actually want to marry abroad. The real women would want you to go visit them in Russia, as opposed to them coming to your country. It's quite difficult for unmarried Russian women to get visas to many countries, especially the US.

There are even legitimate marriage agencies. If someone wants to come to your country and needs travel money, 98% of the time it's a scam. Don't be too hard on yourself over this! You WILL forget about the whole story and feel better in time. But don't blame a whole country either... many countries have this small scam artist segment. I'm Russian too, and not a scammer . I personally never considered marrying abroad an option, but I know many REAL young women back home who seriously thought about it. Usually their greatest fear is that the man will turn out weird or crazy in some way... the 2 absolute rules to follow are, never send money, and offer to visit her instead of the other way. A marriage agency feels "icky" but is more efficient. The right type of agency is the one that invites you to come over and will arrange meetings with 2-5 women once you are there. Also, doesn't require payment until you are actually there, and has a proper office.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Like I said, I think you just need to get to know more female friends. I feel that would be the most important part in understanding women for you, and the best option for you to pursue. You're getting yourself much too down when its essentially a lack of knowledge rather than any fatal flaw; the good news is that lack of knowledge can always be redressed.

If anything, I would suggest getting involved with clubs or organizations where there are women, so you might get to know them on a friendship basis first.

As Stranger noted, when someone wants to legitimately get with you, they do want to see you and usually would like you to visit them first. Realistically, its safer for them to know you in a environment they know, so if you turn out to be a creep, they have big brothers with automatic weapons

 

[Sci-Fi]

I've just had someone on facebook suggest to me going on a singles night. Why put myself thru that ? I wanted a girl in my life when I was 16. I'm 44 now. So that's 28 years of not been good enough. 28 long years of failure and rejection. Why is it suddenly going to change ? It's not. People don't understand some people are just not very attractive. Looks, body language, personality etc. The whole package is not good enough to attract anybody.

Sorry but this is such bull. I don't want to bag on any of my friend but some fall into this category. A friend of mine posted a picture of her and her guy, neither are "lookers" but they are very happy with each other. It was nice to see that this whole "I'm not attractive so no one wants me" crap is just that, crap. It is something that people come up with as an excuse or defence mechanism when it is brought up. It is just so untrue, stop believing that.

 

[putter65]

There are many real Russian women who actually want to marry abroad. The real women would want you to go visit them in Russia, as opposed to them coming to your country. It's quite difficult for unmarried Russian women to get visas to many countries, especially the US.

There are even legitimate marriage agencies. If someone wants to come to your country and needs travel money, 98% of the time it's a scam. Don't be too hard on yourself over this! You WILL forget about the whole story and feel better in time. But don't blame a whole country either... many countries have this small scam artist segment. I'm Russian too, and not a scammer . I personally never considered marrying abroad an option, but I know many REAL young women back home who seriously thought about it. Usually their greatest fear is that the man will turn out weird or crazy in some way... the 2 absolute rules to follow are, never send money, and offer to visit her instead of the other way. A marriage agency feels "icky" but is more efficient. The right type of agency is the one that invites you to come over and will arrange meetings with 2-5 women once you are there. Also, doesn't require payment until you are actually there, and has a proper office.

no i don't hate russians far from it.

I enjoyed reading her letters, her life was interesting. Going for bike rides, making jam. She sounded sweet, innocent and nice. How much of this was real I don't know. The women from my city, it's all about getting pissed, tatoo's and swearing

---

Like I said, I think you just need to get to know more female friends. I feel that would be the most important part in understanding women for you, and the best option for you to pursue. You're getting yourself much too down when its essentially a lack of knowledge rather than any fatal flaw; the good news is that lack of knowledge can always be redressed.

If anything, I would suggest getting involved with clubs or organizations where there are women, so you might get to know them on a friendship basis first.

As Stranger noted, when someone wants to legitimately get with you, they do want to see you and usually would like you to visit them first. Realistically, its safer for them to know you in a environment they know, so if you turn out to be a creep, they have big brothers with automatic weapons

i did have a few female friends but i got sick and tired of them ignoring my text messages. In the last few months I have stopped bothering with them and none of them have made contact with me. They weren't friends, weren't bothered. I am okay with this. I don't want to hang around people who don't give a honeysuckle.

I'm not that upset. This is a place to have a moan and thats what I'm doing.

---

I've just had someone on facebook suggest to me going on a singles night. Why put myself thru that ? I wanted a girl in my life when I was 16. I'm 44 now. So that's 28 years of not been good enough. 28 long years of failure and rejection. Why is it suddenly going to change ? It's not. People don't understand some people are just not very attractive. Looks, body language, personality etc. The whole package is not good enough to attract anybody.

Sorry but this is such bull. I don't want to bag on any of my friend but some fall into this category. A friend of mine posted a picture of her and her guy, neither are "lookers" but they are very happy with each other. It was nice to see that this whole "I'm not attractive so no one wants me" crap is just that, crap. It is something that people come up with as an excuse or defence mechanism when it is brought up. It is just so untrue, stop believing that.

C'mon don't you see some men and women and think 'they have never had a date in their life !'

Some people are unconfident, socially awkard, unattractive, boring etc

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

A girl who really did love you acts in a way that is immediately recognizable: she wants to spend time with you, she wants to do things with you, she /likes/ you and very rarely will it involve you directly giving her money.

This. If a girl's just outright asking you for money, she is probably:

A: Not at all independant
B: Shameless, I mean most people have some sense of reluctance in asking for cash from friends or even partners
And/or C: Trying to milk you for material possessions of some kind.

None of those things bode well. I'd never give money to a girl after a direct request unless we were in a serious relationship and she needed it for a genuine reason (she was sick or in financial trouble through no fault of her own).

A couple, IMO, should support one another, it should never be one party giving everything for nothing in return. That's just leeching, not a relationship.

This russian thing is a definate one off. I can't see it happening again. I detest dating agencies etc. I don't really want a relationship now. Just can't be bothered with it. Too much hassle.

Don't give up on relationships before you've actually properly had one Putter! I think the core problem is that longing for a girl in your life is pretty much screwing up your ability to attain just that. It's a trap I'm victim to myself.

If you want female company too much that turns into desperation and that's a total turn-off to the girl you want and a complete turn-on to women you really don't want to be involved with.

My advice would be to relax, don't get thinking about relationships or any of that stuff unless there's an obvious reason to do so. Just become friendly with women you like.

Then, if they start showing you actual affection (as opposed to random letters asking for money or bitchy afternoon coffees!) you'll be free to return that and actually have a healthy relationship

I really hope you find the right woman soon, you deserve it.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Putter, even if I thought she were genuine - which in all honesty, I don't believe is - it just sounds like she would turn into a real gold digger. And surely you think you deserve better than that. Regardless of her giving you attention, it's only given to get money off you.