betrayedforlife said:
I am new here as of the last few days.
I came to see IF people really care about each other because I believe that the majority of humans are self absorbed,selfish and untrustworthy.
Is it me?
I know you're banned but I suspect you might be able to read this at a later date.
I think the reason you were bullied back when you were younger was out of your control. Kids can be pretty cruel and pick on you for irrational reasons. I was picked on during my elementary school years and I dealt with it by just trying my best to ignore my tormentors, and doing the best I can. I got into a fight with the popular kid in school and he punched me in the eye and got away with it completely. Even bragging to the class that he gave me a black eye. I was called ching chong and endlessly teased as 'Bing Lee' (at the time this really silly commercial would always be on TV -
- note I hated this commercial - though in hindsight it is somewhat entertaining). At the height of my discrimination my 5th grade teacher was pointing out the members of the class to a video she was recording to show our penpals. She pointed at me and said "that's Michael, the ugly one", the whole class laughed apparently this was a joke. This absolutely crushed my self esteem, as low as it was I hit rock bottom after this comment.
This sounds terrible right? And for most of you reading this you would think she did not deserve to teach and perhaps so. But you have to understand as well there was a reason for this. As I was bullied and hurting inside, I started to develop ways of dealing with my insecurities. I started to be more defensive, aggressive and my family often said I had an attitude problem but luckily for me there were two people in my life who taught me to develop differently.
One was that 5th grade teacher. She later pulled me into a classroom when I started becoming arrogant and making other kids feel stupid by talking about how easy all the tests were. I was making up for my insecurity by using my intellect as a reason to feel better about myself. She could see that my attitude was becoming toxic and that I was quickly becoming the very reason I was not socially accepted for. I still remember crying in that classroom as she told me about the value of humility. I don't remember the talk exactly but I remember thinking that I felt so wrong for pushing my arrogance on others and despite how much her criticism hurt, I was able to take it in. From that day on I started practicing the value of humility and in the 6th grade I was able to receive some form of acceptance from my peers. The others finally wanted to group up with me when it came to math activities or anything to do with problem solving. Somehow I was able to gain respect.
The thing about bullying is that you have to really understand how this affects you. You can either reactively become the social monster they despise or you can become something better, mature, and grow in ways they can't affect you. The more you let the torment hurt you and the more you are ignorant about the way you are, the more reason people are going to hate you. The way you lashed out at people on this forum is a very solid indicator of that monster you've been keeping inside you.
It's tough to stay angry you know, it's a huge weight inside, you gotta let go. Some people are truly messed up, I get it, and there's not a lot we can do about it except to not let it change us forever. We shouldn't become what they want us to be, we should shut them out of our life if possible, ignore them and continue to strengthen ourselves inside. The less insecurity you have inside, the less you will be angry about. You have to invest time in yourself rebuilding what is broken.
I can tell you right now your self esteem is shattered. It's also the source of your problems, because you're insecure, you're so angry you are focused on other people instead of yourself. You NEED YOU. Because if you started to only focus on making the best of your life as it is now instead of focusing on retribution for people who wronged you it will change you. Get into yourself, start modelling the way you want to be. You don't want to stay angry forever do you? Don't you want to be socially accepted? Find love more easily perhaps?
Think about the positive attributes that you like about people and think about adopting those qualities. No one likes a person who is quick to enrage, flips out over the smallest of misunderstandings etc. Maybe it's time to exercise some restraint, remain calm, be objective, be mature about it. Use tact, show some respect, you get what you give. If you are disrespectful and you are quick to attack you'll find people will respond just the same.
In the case of people who are still disrespectful despite your best advances you can choose to move on past them, they're certainly not worth your time. Your foresight from experience should have taught you that. This is what wisdom is about. Knowing the best possible path based on your experience and your judgement. Don't let your emotions get the better of you, use your foresight to make your decisions and you'll start to see ways to better handle difficult situations. Reflect back on the past, figure out better ways to solve problems. There is almost always a better way. Make an agreement with yourself that you will handle future problems better than you did before.
The way I started to rebuild my self esteem was to finally believe in myself to become a better person. I believe in values of humility, respect, standing up for those who are discriminated, being generous because I believe it will boost the overall community. I believe in becoming the person I want to meet, which I imagine as a positive, passionate, humble person. As long as you maintain humility and start becoming happier with yourself you're more than likely going to be likeable, it doesn't need to be the same as what I wrote but I imagine everyone's idea of a likeable person is similar.
Right now the problem is both you and them but at least you can solve you.
