Birthday

[mimizu]

It's been my birthday recently... I've turned 22. The entire past year nothing happened in my life. Just like the previous year. And the one before that... ever since I left school.

I've realized that my life has ended. I'm still alive, breathing, eating, walking... but there is nothing more to live for. No more hopes, no more wishes. Just emptiness. Waking up every day, and sitting idly until I can finally fall asleep again.

It's painful to live while knowing that your life is already over. That nothing will happen anymore. Each day is like an endlessly stretching grey desert, that I have to cross by waiting... patiently waiting for the next day just as pointless as the previous one.

I can't do anything anymore. I don't care about changing things anymore. And I can't. Don't ask why, there is too many reasons. I don't want to do anything, nothing entertains me anymore. I can't speak to anyone because I have nothing to talk about.

But I am alive. Why must I be alive in this empty world?

 

[Bluey]

I have asked my self the same thing many times be for. For the most times I am ok and do not get to down. When am feeling very low I feel just how you do there. But a friend ones told me when I was very down and out and not just feeling lonely but struggling to feed myself from lack of cash. I didn't think anything would ever change as I don't work for half reasons. Any way back to my friend. God I can go on sometimes lol Well He said that you never know whats round the corner. At the time I thought yeee easy for you to say. But its a simple saying but true. You do never know. You could walk out the door one day and all your dreams come together. You never know. And as long as your alive you give your self one moor chance at something that you may not even know exists yet.

And for that reason I wish you a happy birthday May this year be the year where changers happen for you for the beast.

 

[mimizu]

Thank you for the kind words.. Why did you say "for the beast" though? I hope it's a typo...

 

[SadRabbit]

mimizu, happy birthday. =) your life sounds pretty much like mine. But don't worry ya, you are not me, your life will pick up =)

 

[Bluey]

Thank you for the kind words.. Why did you say "for the beast" though? I hope it's a typo...

ye its a typo lol sorry I meant best

 

[cklove]

Happy birthday! I know how it feels to be down. Feel like you are stuck in a rut. It can change if you want it to.

I'm wondering if you are in a depression. I have low grade depression and if i'm feeling down it feels exactly like how you described how you are feeling. If it is ,there is plenty of help out there.
I hope you feel better soon

 

[HiddenHydey]

I kinda get what you're aiming for Mimizu, and if you're anything like me you'll ind birthdays the single most depressing time of the year, this year I'm just cutting them out altogether. Same for christmas and new year really, they're a landmark to say one more year has passed, I guess birthdays are just more personal.

The only thing I can offer is to break the routine, it shallows the depression a little. I'm not talking about big things like talking to people, making friends or taking up a hobby, just walk home from work a different way. Sky watching helps me a lot, it feels like the complete opposite of the introversion and mental claustrophobia you can get yourself wound up in, it feels open and fresh when you start to really look at it instead of just accepting it's there.

Sorry to revive a dead topic and all, I just thought I might be able to say something helpful

Or maybe I just wanted to waffle...who knows?

 

[mink]

Happy belated birthday mimizu.

 

[mimizu]

Thank you mink.

Hydey: I do look at the sky a lot. Strange how we both like it... I don't have a job though. I wish I could get one... it seems impossible at this moment. That's what I meant in my original post... all I can do is sit home. It's like being an old person on retirement. Except without the grandchildren and the relatives and the gardening. So I'm already "retired", at 22 years old. My life has already ended.