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EveWasFramed

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Here's something I read that I found pretty interesting.



How to read your date’s body-language clues


Words are nice, and who doesn’t love flowers? That said, if you really, really want to know how someone feels about you, the answer lies hidden in his or her body language. That’s right: Learning how to read someone’s body language correctly is one of the best ways to sniff out a truly compatible match from someone who is just trying to make polite conversation with you.

Below is a turbo-charged tutorial on the subject from expert Patti Wood (pattiwood.net), author of SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language & Charisma and Success Signals: A Guide to Reading Body Language. In her job, Ms. Wood has analyzed the body language of everyone from the most recent presidential candidates to on-the-rocks celeb couples for various press outlets. “You can send up to 10,000 body language cues in less than a minute,” says Wood. “And there’s no way to control all of them — even if you’re sly.” While some factors will influence body language (for instance, if a person is super-shy), there are some sure signs of attraction to look for. We offer up the top five for you here:

Body-language clue #1: Your date makes a “symbolic reach” towards you with his or her hand, which is a sign that this person feels longing and/or affection in your presence
The first universal sign of interest is something called “symbolic reaching,” says Wood: “It’s when your hand is subtly reaching toward the other person.” An example of this during a dinner date would be your date resting his or her arm and hand on the table rather than close to the body with this person’s fingers pointing toward you — think of it as though you’re ready to reach out and touch someone, but haven’t yet done so. (And if your date does reach out and touch you, so much the better: That’s an iron-clad sign of affection.) On the other hand, if someone sits on his or her hands or conceals them from you altogether, that indicates a lack of romantic interest.



Body-language clue #2: Your date mimics your vocal inflections, language choices and physical gestures as a sign of respect and solidarity
Another sign of interest involves the hands and then some — it’s something called “matching and mirroring.” What’s that? It’s when your date mimics your gestures, voice inflections and patterns of communication, and it’s a good thing. “His or her voice will speed up when yours does or slow down along with yours,” explains Wood. “It happens subconsciously — when we’re attracted to someone, we tend to try and merge into one another in this particular way.” If you’re noticing that this happens on the first date — for example, your date is shrugging the same way you do when sharing a story, or places a complicated dinner order in the same joking way that you just did — well, chances are good that there will be a second date in the near future for both of you!


Body-language clue #3: Frequent blinking means your date is so attracted to you that it’s actually making him or her nervous
While some people give you full-on eye contact when they’re interested, here’s another little-known sign that your date is way into you: frequent blinking. “When you’re highly attracted to someone,” says Wood, “one of the natural responses is to get nervous and blink a lot.” So if that man or woman across the table seems a little flustered and is batting his or her lashes a lot, congratulations — this person’s very interested in you.

Body-language clue #4: The physical distance between you and your date measures his or her level of interest; pulling farther apart is a bad sign, while cuddling up close is a green light for romance
Part of body language is not just what you do with your body, but how close you position it to the person whom you’re dating. “If someone’s not interested in you,” says Wood, “he or she will leave a lot of space between your two bodies... say, two feet or so. But if a person sits or stands right next to you (or even 16 inches away), that reveals a desire for physical intimacy — and genuine romantic interest.”



Body-language clue #5: Your date moves his or her feet toward yours in a subconscious effort to bring you two closer together
Compatibility clues are even located in an area that’s ordinarily overlooked by most daters: the feet. “Where the feet go, the heart follows,” says Wood. “The lower portion of the body is under the least amount of control, and the feet are the most telling in revealing how someone else truly feels about you.” So if he or she is thinking, “Hey, I really like this person,” your date’s feet will move towards you — say, by stretching his or her legs out under the table at dinner. That’s a very clear declaration of “Let’s get a little closer,” whether your date realizes it or not.
 
Fascinating stuff. I'd be curious to see a hidden camera of myself on past dates to see what I subconsciously communicated to them with my body language. It would be illuminating. :)
 
So I guess on my next date, I should:

1. Paw at the poor girl and frequently thrust my hands into her face.

2. Ask her lots of interesting, personal questions. In a gratingly squeaky, high-pitched voice (with an option to mock her accent, should she express one).

3. Wink my eyes at her like I don't quite have complete control over my eyelids. Or maybe like I just have really, really bad pinkeye.

4. I could invade her personal space like I'm the fat guy on an overburdened airplane.

5. I guess I'd also need to awkwardly arc my feet to point toward her regardless of how we're sitting. Either that, or I'd have to shove my stinky feet into her lap.

I jest, of course. :cool: I've heard these before, as well as a few others that I'm not entirely convinced are realistic or mean anything. But hey... I'm not a sociologist or behavioral psychologist or anything:

6. Men indicate interest (or receptiveness) by subconsciously pointing at their crotches. Yes, you heard it here first. Ever seen a cowboy hook his thumbs into his front pants pockets? MMMmmmm that's right, ladies. It's OK to look. He's pointing right at it, isn't he? Mmm yeaaahh. Ever seen a rap artist holding his balls while he spits out a verse on stage? Yeah. Yes. Take a look. He's practically fondling himself.

Or maybe, say, in the context of a date... this nice guy sitting across the table from you sits with his arms on the arm rests of the chair, his hands hanging innocently POINTING AT HIS WILLY-DILLY. Yes, you've seen it, haven't you? Yessss...

Anyway, I just thought I'd add this one to the list. Still not entirely sure how much it's worth, but I felt like contributing to the thread after mocking it. :D lol
 
So I'm kinda guessing that my somewhat aggressive gestures towards the individuals who shut my water off when I was in the middle of a shower weren't entirely appropriate....apparently the backhoe operator was pretty upset and doesn't want to come back to finish the job- I'm still kind of torn as to what's worse, me being an ******* or him being a wuss.

I did get the water back on pretty **** quick though :D
 
Body language was quite an interesting topic when I studied it. Unfortunately, it's still only slightly more reputable than astrology. The major problem with body language is that it relies upon theory without evidence. Much of what they tend to talk about is unconscious desires (very Freudian) which fails the disprovable test required for science (I think it was Karl Popper who originally came up with this) and as such is condemned to be viewed by the scientific community as dubious at best. I'd say my only issue with this learning material is the journalist who wrote it (that clearly doesn't understand it.)

EveWasFramed said:
Learning how to read someone’s body language correctly is one of the best ways to sniff out a truly compatible match from someone who is just trying to make polite conversation with you.

This is incorrect. It'll just sniff out whether someone else is interested in you... not whether you're actually going to make a good couple.

I particularly love #3 on this list, because increased blink rate is also a sign of lying XD So your date is either really into you... or they're telling you lies... you decide! :D
 
Nightwing said:
Body language was quite an interesting topic when I studied it. Unfortunately, it's still only slightly more reputable than astrology. The major problem with body language is that it relies upon theory without evidence. Much of what they tend to talk about is unconscious desires (very Freudian) which fails the disprovable test required for science (I think it was Karl Popper who originally came up with this) and as such is condemned to be viewed by the scientific community as dubious at best. I'd say my only issue with this learning material is the journalist who wrote it (that clearly doesn't understand it.)

EveWasFramed said:
Learning how to read someone’s body language correctly is one of the best ways to sniff out a truly compatible match from someone who is just trying to make polite conversation with you.

This is incorrect. It'll just sniff out whether someone else is interested in you... not whether you're actually going to make a good couple.

I particularly love #3 on this list, because increased blink rate is also a sign of lying XD So your date is either really into you... or they're telling you lies... you decide! :D

My thoughts exactly. "How to make dating 100% more complicated with crystal-rubbing theories written by celebrity-focused media devils for people with no intuition, and, quite possibly: a brain"
 
Fine. All of you feel free to inject your negative crap right into a thread that was meant to be helpful. See if I ******* post another one.
 
painter said:
My thoughts exactly. "How to make dating 100% more complicated with crystal-rubbing theories written by celebrity-focused media devils for people with no intuition, and, quite possibly: a brain"

Who exactly is this comment directed towards? You must know who wrote the article to make such a bold statement seeing as the link to the original work was never posted or mentioned who wrote it. You were warned before about your behaviour towards other members of this forum, if you are going to start that again you'll get a much longer vacation from the forum than you did last time.
 
Sci-Fi said:
painter said:
My thoughts exactly. "How to make dating 100% more complicated with crystal-rubbing theories written by celebrity-focused media devils for people with no intuition, and, quite possibly: a brain"

Who exactly is this comment directed towards? You must know who wrote the article to make such a bold statement seeing as the link to the original work was never posted or mentioned who wrote it. You were warned before about your behaviour towards other members of this forum, if you are going to start that again you'll get a much longer vacation from the forum than you did last time.
it clearly stated who the article was written by:

Below is a turbo-charged tutorial on the subject from expert Patti Wood (pattiwood.net), author of SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language & Charisma and Success Signals: A Guide to Reading Body Language. In her job, Ms. Wood has analyzed the body language of everyone from the most recent presidential candidates to on-the-rocks celeb couples for various press outlets.

That's who my comment was for, not for Eve, nor for anyone else on this forum. Did you not read the first post? Did you not see it was clearly stated who wrote it? You are wrong.
 
painter said:
Sci-Fi said:
painter said:
My thoughts exactly. "How to make dating 100% more complicated with crystal-rubbing theories written by celebrity-focused media devils for people with no intuition, and, quite possibly: a brain"

Who exactly is this comment directed towards? You must know who wrote the article to make such a bold statement seeing as the link to the original work was never posted or mentioned who wrote it. You were warned before about your behaviour towards other members of this forum, if you are going to start that again you'll get a much longer vacation from the forum than you did last time.
it clearly stated who the article was written by:

Below is a turbo-charged tutorial on the subject from expert Patti Wood (pattiwood.net), author of SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language & Charisma and Success Signals: A Guide to Reading Body Language. In her job, Ms. Wood has analyzed the body language of everyone from the most recent presidential candidates to on-the-rocks celeb couples for various press outlets.

That's who my comment was for, not for Eve, nor for anyone else on this forum. Did you not read the first post? Did you not see it was clearly stated who wrote it? You are wrong.

LOL
 
I like this a lot. Human behavior has always interested me. And it's true that body language speaks volumes. I don't care how much you rather hear "I love you", "I promise", or "I really appreciate it", if you don't show it, it's just hot air. Okay, sometimes you can't show it and I won't hold that against you, but the times that you can and do not.. That's on you.

Also to preface this.. You will never find a compatible partner if they aren't interested in you on the first date.

#1 I agree with this. People naturally close distance to those that are attractive and maintain distance to those unattractive. There are people who naturally are more seclusive and keep their distance all the time no matter who you are, with the exception of people who they are attracted to. With potential relationships.. people tend to break their own rules.

#2 I agree with mimicking too. I know some people might find it annoying, but that may just be a sign that THEY aren't interested in you. I also think that this goes beyond the first date and speech and on to emotions. When you're happy, they're happy. When you're sad, they're sad. To me it's more of a willing connection.

#3 I'm not sure.. I've never paid attention to this one.. no comment >_>;

#4 I think is a long the same lines as #2, reaching/distance, closing the gap.

#5 Feet.. oh, the feet. Again, closing the gap and I think actual contact doesn't happen until interest has been confirmed. Though it's interesting about the stretching.. on how you can do so, without contact. This one is a little weird if it wasn't meant for actual contact, as.. how can you tell if they are stretching or not unless there is contact, and there wouldn't be contact, unless there has been confirmation. If there is contact before confirmation, that would just signal to me - I just want to have sex =/

Just my opinion and outlook.
 
Drama said:

Seriously?


Regumika said:
I like this a lot. Human behavior has always interested me. And it's true that body language speaks volumes. I don't care how much you rather hear "I love you", "I promise", or "I really appreciate it", if you don't show it, it's just hot air. Okay, sometimes you can't show it and I won't hold that against you, but the times that you can and do not.. That's on you.

Also to preface this.. You will never find a compatible partner if they aren't interested in you on the first date.

#1 I agree with this. People naturally close distance to those that are attractive and maintain distance to those unattractive. There are people who naturally are more seclusive and keep their distance all the time no matter who you are, with the exception of people who they are attracted to. With potential relationships.. people tend to break their own rules.

#2 I agree with mimicking too. I know some people might find it annoying, but that may just be a sign that THEY aren't interested in you. I also think that this goes beyond the first date and speech and on to emotions. When you're happy, they're happy. When you're sad, they're sad. To me it's more of a willing connection.

#3 I'm not sure.. I've never paid attention to this one.. no comment >_>;

#4 I think is a long the same lines as #2, reaching/distance, closing the gap.

#5 Feet.. oh, the feet. Again, closing the gap and I think actual contact doesn't happen until interest has been confirmed. Though it's interesting about the stretching.. on how you can do so, without contact. This one is a little weird if it wasn't meant for actual contact, as.. how can you tell if they are stretching or not unless there is contact, and there wouldn't be contact, unless there has been confirmation. If there is contact before confirmation, that would just signal to me - I just want to have sex =/

Just my opinion and outlook.

+1


Ps. It might have stated who the article was written by, but the opinions expressed about the author seem biased to me.
Ms. Wood is highly educated and considered an authority on the subject matter.
 
Drama said:
painter said:
Sci-Fi said:
painter said:
My thoughts exactly. "How to make dating 100% more complicated with crystal-rubbing theories written by celebrity-focused media devils for people with no intuition, and, quite possibly: a brain"

Who exactly is this comment directed towards? You must know who wrote the article to make such a bold statement seeing as the link to the original work was never posted or mentioned who wrote it. You were warned before about your behaviour towards other members of this forum, if you are going to start that again you'll get a much longer vacation from the forum than you did last time.
it clearly stated who the article was written by:

Below is a turbo-charged tutorial on the subject from expert Patti Wood (pattiwood.net), author of SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language & Charisma and Success Signals: A Guide to Reading Body Language. In her job, Ms. Wood has analyzed the body language of everyone from the most recent presidential candidates to on-the-rocks celeb couples for various press outlets.

That's who my comment was for, not for Eve, nor for anyone else on this forum. Did you not read the first post? Did you not see it was clearly stated who wrote it? You are wrong.

LOL

No I did not see that, I was just made aware of your comment and know your history. There was a lot of text and I have a lot to do so I just quickly scanned it. I'll apologize for that but I won't apologize for making my statement because honestly, I don't believe you.

And Drama, just cause you are not going to get what you want don't come around trying to be ignorant towards me.
 
My best friend of 3 years that I'm completely head over heels for does all of the above, and more, on a daily basis. And he has a girlfriend. What to do, what to do...
 
Sci-Fi said:
And Drama, just cause you are not going to get what you want don't come around trying to be ignorant towards me.

Don't be childish and unprofessional by throwing THAT at me in the main forum. if I wanted to make a fuss about it, i'd have created a thread LOL
But since we are at this at least you could have answered by saying NO instead of ignoring it. yea yea you have your life and you are busy etc but if you're not up to the challenge, quit.
I am not being hostile. you've been acting like this for a while, so someone has to point it out.... again


on another note:
Me: If you didn't want to have a comment like "LOL" thrown at your face, don't write posts like that.
Scifi: omg you're the one being childish. You seek another ban? Carefuuuuuuuuull!! I am a power-hungry mod who just seeks to ban anyone who disagrees with me or actually speaks their mind (because that's what painter was doing). honestly, calm down.
Since your response to anyone who challenges you is a to ban them, i am ready for the sacrifice. *hands scifi a knife*
mwahahahahahahahahahaah
 
VreRe said:
My best friend of 3 years that I'm completely head over heels for does all of the above, and more, on a daily basis. And he has a girlfriend. What to do, what to do...

Does he know how you feel about him? From the fact that he does all of that yet doesn't actually approach you and have someone else for a GF probably means he doesn't know how you feel and he think you aren't interested. <- That's my guess at least.

Just tell him how you feel. You either respect him for already having a GF and give up on him, or don't give up on him and tell him how you feel and leave it for him to decide. Would it suck for the GF if he chose you? Yes it would.
 
EveWasFramed said:
Fine. All of you feel free to inject your negative crap right into a thread that was meant to be helpful. See if I ******* post another one.

Apologies if my post came across in a rather negative way. It wasn't my intention. My aim was to inject a healthy dose of salt into the analysis of the article. I comment, because I am genuinely interested in the topic and feel I can contribute something worthwhile. :) While the study of body language is based on solid principles, for example, animals are known to communicate by body language. (Actions are their way of communicating since they don't have speech like us... if we discount parrots :p) So for example, baring teeth at another animal would be a sign of aggression. In humans, we already have proof of body language being a real indicator - a smile indicates happiness, squaring up to someone can indicate aggression and so on and so forth.

The problem with an area like this, is that is can be exploited by some people for financial gain if the public take words and explanations at face value. Many people: whether lonely, unsuccessful with the opposite sex or simply lacking in confidence can find a very easy explanation in the idea that "I just don't read social cues as well as other people, this explains my problem." It can be an explanation, though I wouldn't leap to it if I were in your shoes. However, there are people who have written more "pop psychology" books on things like body language who exploit this easy explanation and offer a quick fix such as this. i.e. "you don't think you pick up social cues? I'll spell them out for you in this book and you can actively look for them." So long as the logic seems superficially sensible, then they can pretty much get away with anything. Technically someone suffering from believing a superficially sensible logical fallacy is known as having faulty cognitions... under cognitive theories of psychology, this is actually classified as a mental disorder... yet people purporting to have the best interests of others at heart will readily spew this stuff out of books and all over tv in order to make money. *Sigh* What a world we live in eh? Try to think of it in the same way you'd see the whole fad dieting industry and you've got a pretty good idea of where this fits in.

In this particular article, I found one very clear example where they're just taking it too far. Increased blink rate is generally considered to just be a sign of stress. Perhaps that could suggest someone is into you... maybe not. Point being, it's not set in stone and the way the article puts it is misleading. Furthermore, the journalist has got the wrong end of the stick. (As a sidenote... I hate journalists like this. They're the primary reason why the public is so misinformed. They'll make reports and write articles on things they don't understand. I had to endure a journalist this evening who was asking brainless questions and making stupid assertions on issues to do with European trade and politics with regards the particular region of my country. He clearly didn't understand how the EU parliament works, how EU law fits in with our legal system, how or why the various business decisions have been made or where free trade or immigration fit in with the EU. He seemed to think immigration was something to do with political friendship between countries. I wanted to shoot him because he's clearly misinforming the public of the reasoning... it was actually meant to be a way of improving economic output across the EU through free movement of both specialised and unspecialised labour. Anyway... that was just an aside. End rant.) The journalist here is suggesting (as someone who was trying to sell pop psychology would also suggest) that understanding body language will give you a leg up in identifying a more compatible partner. This is false. As I addressed earlier, body language can in some cases indicate a person's disposition. The long and the short of it - you can figure out if someone lusts for you. Nothing more. And even then, there are other more complex factors at work in the human brain. After all, I'm sure you've all met someone you've felt a lust for, but didn't want to jump into bed with them. So even that indication being revealed by reading body language won't really take you anywhere useful.

Overall, I just wanted to point out that this is all interesting stuff for discussion... but unfortunately it's not got any real practical uses. This is because most of what the "experts" like Ms Wood say will stretch theory rather thin. Let's not forget that we used to consider Freud as the leading expert on the human mind and he employed similar junk science logic that's found frequently in the pop science section. And unless you're keen to tell us how you wanted to murder your same gender parent and begin having sex with your opposite gender parent (Oedipus and Electra complexes as appropriate, in case you were interested.) ... I'd avoid taking the term "expert" at face value. Hopefully this has all made sense, and people have benefitted. If not, at least I've tried :)
 
Drama said:
Sci-Fi said:
And Drama, just cause you are not going to get what you want don't come around trying to be ignorant towards me.

Don't be childish and unprofessional by throwing THAT at me in the main forum. if I wanted to make a fuss about it, i'd have created a thread LOL
But since we are at this at least you could have answered by saying NO instead of ignoring it. yea yea you have your life and you are busy etc but if you're not up to the challenge, quit.
I am not being hostile. you've been acting like this for a while, so someone has to point it out.... again


on another note:
Me: If you didn't want to have a comment like "LOL" thrown at your face, don't write posts like that.
Scifi: omg you're the one being childish. You seek another ban? Carefuuuuuuuuull!! I am a power-hungry mod who just seeks to ban anyone who disagrees with me or actually speaks their mind (because that's what painter was doing). honestly, calm down.
Since your response to anyone who challenges you is a to ban them, i am ready for the sacrifice. *hands scifi a knife*
mwahahahahahahahahahaah

It's one thing to disagree with someone but another to deliberately bait them. My recommendation is that you don't do it again.
EDIT: Strike that - I'd have banned anyone else for that pot shot and won't make that kind of a difference between people. 48 hours should do it.


Nightwing said:
...but unfortunately it's not got any real practical uses.

That's your OPINION.
From my personal EXPERIENCE (and I've been around for quite a number of years) the information is fairly accurate and probably useful for a lot of people. It does have practical use. People shouldn't scoff at something just because they think someone is using practical information for profit.
 
EveWasFramed said:
That's your OPINION.
From my personal EXPERIENCE (and I've been around for quite a number of years) the information is fairly accurate and probably useful for a lot of people. It does have practical use. People shouldn't scoff at something just because they think someone is using practical information for profit.

This is a fair comment.

I also agree, people shouldn't scoff at these things, they should analyse and come to their own conclusions after gathering information.
 
Nightwing said:
EveWasFramed said:
That's your OPINION.
From my personal EXPERIENCE (and I've been around for quite a number of years) the information is fairly accurate and probably useful for a lot of people. It does have practical use. People shouldn't scoff at something just because they think someone is using practical information for profit.

This is a fair comment.

I also agree, people shouldn't scoff at these things, they should analyse and come to their own conclusions after gathering information.

:)
 
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